Oh, okay, so Warehouse 13 is going to go ahead and just cram its major plot points into the last two episodes and make a sloppy mess, even though I asked it not to. Okay, then. Cherie Currie guest starred as Cherie Currie when Artie threw Claudia a 21st birthday bash. Jinks ran into his hunky/not-hunky (it depends who you ask) ex while on the hunt for a lava-spewing artifact that featured hilariously awful effects, even for Syfy—and I say this as someone who's watched both Sharktopus and Jersey Shore Shark Attack.
Anyone who's read my reviews of Warehouse 13 and other shows knows my distaste for case-of-the-week episodes. They make me bored. This is just my boredom showing. If we ignore it, the cases featured in "Runaway" weren't bad and we even got some nifty Steve Jinks character development. I guess it really would be hard to date a human lie detector, even if that human lie detector was Jinks.
In Arkansas, gloriously bad CGI lava burned through the wall of a prison yard. It provided a freaky distraction so that two convicts could slip out the back door while the guards all flocked to the giant lava puddle. When Jinks arrived on the scene, he was crossing his fingers for a lava monster and so was I because boredom. Relief appeared in the form of Liam Napier, Jinks' hunky/not-hunky U.S. Marshal ex B-friend. Welcome to Crazytown, bro.
Jinks claimed that Liam had dumped him back in the day, but in truth, they'd never officially broken up. Jinks just left. Dick move, Jinksy. Dick move. They squabbled. Liam got pissy about the lava lamp from hell being all top secret and left. Myka made Jinks go after him because OMG WHAT IF HE FINDS THE ARTIFACT AND DIES—which is kind of what I thought would happen because Jinks' life always has to be sad and awful because... BECAUSE. Jinks and Liam squabbled some more. They found the artifact. They squabbled and talked about feelings. They did the horizontal tango off-screen because we can totally talk about Jinks being gay but showing him being gay is just a little too real for Warehouse 13.
Artifact-wise, our bad guy was actually a good guy who was doing bad things for the right reasons because that wasn't obvious at all.
Annnnd back at the warehouse, Artie planned a party for Claudia's 21st birthday and accidentally activated Beethoven's evil alarm clock. It directly blasted music into Artie's head until he went deaf. While debating the merits of clowns—of which there are none—Claudia and Artie took off for Boston to track down the missing bust from the clock so that they could deactivate it once and for all. It was a pretty standard outing, but it was nice to see Claudia and Artie working together relatively angst-free. Also, yay for Claudia's duet with Cherie Currie because Allison Scagliotti rocks both figuratively and literally.
Additional assorted awesomeness: tech-y Claudia (always), BFF Myka, and Pete's insistance that Liam was totally hunky. HOWEVER: We're practically in the homestretch of the series' penultimate season, and while the downtime from mortal peril was initially very nice and mucho appreciated, I'm really, really ready to get back to mortal peril. What are James Marsters and Polly Walker up to? Are the aftershocks affecting the warehouse really no big deal? More of that, please! Kthanks! <3
NOTES FROM THE LIBRARY OF CRAZY
– "Do you need us to hate him? Because we can hate him." Mean girl Myka was amazing.
– Nice product placement for Pandora and Prius, and by "nice" I mean "just short of obnoxious," only because nothing will ever be as obnoxious as Jess and the Ford in New Girl's "Models." NOTHING.
– Jerry Garcia's blacklight brings art to life. I'm pretty sure it wasn't the blacklight doing that back in the day. Prettttty sure it was the LSD.
– No Abigail at Claudiafest?
– Do you think we'll see Liam ever again? Do you want to?