America's Got Talent: It's the title of a TV show, and also a proven fact! Except in Atlanta, where the auditions stopped on Tuesday, and the pickings were mighty slim. There was a mediocre all-boy dance crew, a splits-doing drag queen named Hershey Chocolate, and an … oozing human goiter? … who terrified the entire audience (but who I found utterly delightful). But as for bona fide talent? Just one act, I'm afraid:
The Best:
Tiny Anna Graceman, just 11, looked positively precious in her black skirt and striped top, barely squeaking out "I'm going to be performing Alicia Keys" before taking her place at an electric piano. She then proceeded to deliver an assured, no frills version of "If I Can't Have You." Howie said that all of America would be talking about her today. Are you? She was good, certainly for her age—but was she really that great? I suppose next to that Titanic couple (see below), yes she was.
The Worst:
Where to even start? I guess I'll start with my favorite "bad" act—a nameless goiter who Nick Cannon identified as "a pancreas," so I guess that's what I'll call it. Looking like a supermarket chicken wearing sneakers and a hatchet wound, Pancreas Man wandered around the stage for a bit before climbing onto a stationary unicycle and emptying the tumor-like contents of his flesh-colored gimp suit onto the stage.
The whole act baffled the judges and audience, but reminded me a bit of the performance art of Leigh Bowery from the '80s. The screen said Pancreas Man was actually Joseph Ravens, a 48-year-old photo stylist. Some internet sleuthing turned up his professional website, and this picture of him! Even creepier out of the suit! Big props for art-punking AGT, dude.
Armand and Angelina have been madly in love with each other for over 10 years. It's really touching! They can't get enough of each other. And what is their act? Well, Armand rents a "Cinderella's Prince" outfit from the local costume store, grabs a recorder (the kind you blow into), and plays the opening notes from "My Heart Will Go On." Then Angelina sings a shrill version of that very obscure song in some other language (It might be Na'vi?). Then Armand joins in with his raspy, bar-trained growl, adding a little rock to her royal, if you catch my drift. The audience hated it, but two judges—Sharon and Howie—thought it had camp appeal. Poor Armand and Angelina, though, were completely serious. They thought they were really good! I hope AGT doesn't screw with their love.
Did you watch? What acts left you applauding, screaming, or scratching your heads?
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