Uncle Television is a figment of Tim Surette's imagination who infrequently comments as a guest editor for TV.com. He has a mustache and wears a top hat. His views do not necessarily reflect those of TV.com or its parent corporation, but probably do reflect some deep-seeded views of Tim Surette.
What up, yo.
A lot of you are probably wondering who I am. You know how Nature has its Mother? How Time has its Father? Well, television has me, a creepy uncle. Uncle Television. And I've come to say I'm very disappointed in you all.
Actually, all but the 4.1 million of you who actually watched Lone Star. See, for once, a network took a chance on a good television series. One that doesn't involve cliche cops chasing cliche bad guys. One that isn't web cams broadcasting what's going on in a house full of horny attention-starved high-school dropouts. One that isn't a glorified karaoke contest (scripted or not, I'm looking at you, Glee!). And yet, nobody watched.
Now there's talk of Lone Star becoming the season's first cancellation! Say what?!? Coming into the season, this show was the biggest critics' darling of them all! More than one know-it-all TV reporter called it the best pilot of the season! Heck, some even said it was too good for network TV!
So why didn't you watch!? Were you one of the almost 22 million people who tuned in to see someone who is famous only because her mother is famous for being a right-wing nutjob dance horrifically? Or did you watch a coke addict convicted of beating his wife and who makes more than a million dollars an episode read hackneyed one-liners while wearing a bowling shirt and as someone pressed a button that simulated laughter? Or perhaps you tuned in to a new show simply because it dazzled with action and teased you with cliffhangers even though you know it's going to fizzle out with hundreds of plot holes and unanswered questions? (Okay, I admit it, I enjoyed The Event too).
But why, WHY did you not watch the show that depicts the struggle of human nature, a bad man trying to do good, true love realized, and one man's attempt to fix everything before it's too late? Why didn't you watch Lone Star? Why must you give networks another reason to not take the chance on the next great script that would lead to the next great show that would make the world a better place? Why would you give Fox more ammo to air another frickin' talent show where people dress up like idiots and fart pop songs?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?
At least you didn't watch Gossip Girl.
Follow TV.com writer Tim Surette on Twitter: @TimAtTVDotCom