America’s little cautionary tale Lindsay Lohan has nothing to promote at the moment—her next project, InAPPropriate Comedy, will premiere sometime in 2012 on what we can only assume from that title are “smartphones everywhere”—but that isn’t stopping her from hosting Saturday Night Live this weekend. (It’s at moments like these that we like to gently remind SNL that none of our five dream hosts have yet been booked for the 2011-12 Season. Sofia Vergara? Donald Glover? Adam Scott? Anyone?)
Anyway, while it’s a nice gesture of Lorne Michaels to give Lohan yet another stab at a comeback, I kind of have a problem with this. For two related reasons: 1) There will be no comeback for Lindsay Lohan, because 2) Lindsay Lohan isn’t particularly talented. Now before you yell “MEAN GIRLS!” I will concede that Mean Girls is a great movie, but can you name another great Lindsay Lohan movie? Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen? Just My Luck? A Prairie Home Companion? Georgia Rule? I Know Who Killed Me? Granted the only one of those I’ve actually seen is A Prairie Home Companion, because Robert Altman is a genius, but even a genius has a stinker once in a while, and that one was definitely it. Too bad it had to be his last. So the way I see it with Lindsay at this point, having exhausted every opportunity to win back her good graces in the public eye and get her career back on track, she really only has one option: Do a network sitcom, a la Zooey Deschanel. Except Zooey is a great screwball actress who is genuinely likable. Lindsay is just sort of this burnt-out Hollywood party hag who will never front a hit sitcom, unless it’s one of those fake-reality-show sitcoms that spoofs her own image, like Fat Actress, and even then the show is doomed to failure.
In the meantime, here are the SNL promos starring Lindsay and Kenan Thompson. Obviously, they aren’t funny, but you may find them interesting to watch for sociological and historical reasons. For example, did you realize this will be her fourth time hosting SNL? Well it is!