What Are the Most Annoying Sounds on Television?

Many people think you take in television through your eyes, but HELLO, what about your ears? The medium, when consumed in a typical fashion, involves exactly 40 percent of your senses. That number rises to 60 percent if you fondle your screen every time your favorite shirtless hunk appears, 80 percent if you lick and fondle the screen every time your favorite shirtless hunk appears, and 100 percent if your television is physically on fire and emitting nose-attacking smoke, but we'll save those scenarios for another list. The bottom line is that we tend to focus too much on the eyeball portion of our sensory experience when talking about TV, so I'm hear (point: me) to praise yours ears by discussing a topic your ears hate: the most annoying sounds on television! Below, I've listed five TV-related noises that send my ears running for the hills; pretty please share your own in the comments!

Modern Family's Gloria screeching like a banshee, "JAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!"

This was actually funny the first two or three times she shrieked. But now it's like auditory warfare. Dogs of the world, you know what I'm talking about.

Homeland's jazz-infused, avant garde theme "song"

I will never stop ripping on these opening credits, which should be locked away for sensory assault. Even without the wackadoodle visuals, Homeland's intro sequence is an earjacking horror. Make it stop!

Runners-up: Selfie's theme song, Orange Is the New Black's theme song

The kissing noises on The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, and Bachelor Pad/Bachelor in Paradise

If you close your eyes, you'll swear that what you're hearing is someone trying to fold Jell-O.

The voiceover on The Slap

There was a lot to disklike about NBC's The Slap, which just wrapped up its run this week, but even worse than that punk Hugo was the disembodied voiceover that permeated what should've been quiet character moments. Look, The Slap, we didn't need the vocal handholding to tell us what was going on. Let the moment linger instead of repeatedly slapping us with eighth-grade words.

Education Connection's late-night rap

The only thing to be learned from this company is that jamming screwdrivers into your ears is better than sitting through these commercials.

What do YOU think are the most annoying sounds on television?