It's the freakin' weekend, baby(ies)! Are you most excited to (a) party, (b) sleep in, (c) spend time outside, or (d) stalk your neighbors—I mean, not stalk your neighbors... ? That got awkward. Let me quickly divert your attention by showing you this weekend's TV lineup!
What to watch on Friday, August 17...
SPECIAL, 8pm, ABC
Hey, teachers are great. Everybody thinks so. You know who especially thinks so? Musicians, that's who. Particularly Carrie Underwood, Dierks Bentley, Fun, Josh Groban and Garth Brooks, who will participate in tonight's Teachers Rock special by dedicating all of their live performances to those who've dedicated their lives to education. Zing!
SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 9pm, Starz
Starz has been teasing us with Season 1 reruns all week, but now it's finally time for the second season return. In "Louder Than Words" the new modernized terminals at Chicago's O'Hare International airport validate Mayor Kane's legacy, but even though all of the political odds are in his favor, his illness kicks in at a dramatically more dangerous level. It just can't be easy, can it, Kane?
In "Fae-nted Love" (whoa-ohh-ohh) Bo suffers the consequences of a steamy night gone wrong, and Trick and Kenzi reach out in order to speed up her recovery. But when Bo starts asking Trick uncomfortable questions about where she came from, things get awkward. Way to be grateful, Bo, way to be grateful.
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
HGTV Green Home Giveaway 2012, 8 p.m., HGTV
WWE Friday Night Smackdown!, 8pm, Syfy
20/20, 9 p.m., ABC
America's Most Wanted, 9 p.m., Lifetime
Extreme Homes, 9 p.m., HGTV
Gold Rush, 9 p.m., Discovery
Say Yes to the Dress, 9pm, TLC
Tyler Perry's For Better or Worse, 9 p.m., TBS
3 Days to Open with Bobby Flay, 10 p.m., Food
Bullet in the Face, 10 p.m., IFC
Chasing UFOs, 10 p.m., NatGeo
Dateline NBC, 10 p.m., NBC
Deadly Women, SEASON PREMIERE, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Fashion Police, 10 p.m., E!
Real Time With Bill Maher, 10 p.m., HBO
The Dead Files, 10 p.m., Travel
House Hunters International, 10:30 p.m., HGTV
Jason Statham and Olympic champion Allyson Felix on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC
Joe Jonas and Rep. Nancy Pelosi on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, 12:37 a.m., NBC
Julie Chen and Chris Messina on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS
What to watch on Saturday, August 18...
SPECIAL, 9pm, BBC America
The Timey-Wimey of Doctor Who
Let's just keep featuring these Doctor Who specials, shall we? Great. Saturday's special will take a deeper look into the science behind the time traveling techniques used in the show. Excellent! That's, like, everybody's favorite part of the series, right? Right, so study this special closely and maybe you'll learn something. And then maybe you'll time travel!
10pm, BBC America
I'm starting to realize that The Nerdist is purposefully piggy-backing off of these Doctor Who specials. For example, Saturday's episode is called "Tribute to Time Travel." Coincidence? Um, no. But considering your lack of viewable options on Saturday night, why not dedicate an extra hour to the discussion of time travel? It's elementary, my dear Watson! Okay, now I'm just confusing my references.
Restaurant: Impossible's host Robert Irvine is getting married, so naturally he's decided to capitalize on it by featuring himself in this new reality spin-off series where we as viewers get to watch him wade through pre-wedding jitters and plan his union to pro-wrestling star Gail Kim. Do you think he'll let Gail make any decisions?
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
How to Rock, 8 p.m., Nickelodeon
My Cat From Hell, 8 p.m., Animal Planet
Shop This Room, 8 p.m., HGTV
Welcome to Sweetie Pie's: An Extra Slice, 8 p.m., OWN
Celebrity Ghost Stories, 9 p.m., Biography
Tanked, 9 p.m., Animal Planet
The Suze Orman Show, 9 p.m., CNBC
Wicked Attraction, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
You Gotta See This!, 9 p.m., Nickelodeon
10 Kids 2 Dads, SERIES PREMIERE, 10 p.m., OWN
Dark Matters: Twisted but True, 10 p.m., Science
ER Nights, 10 p.m., Discovery Fit Health
Happily Never After, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Princess, 10 p.m., CNBC
The uneXplained, 10 p.m., Biography
What to watch on Sunday, August 19...
SEASON 2 FINALE, 9pm, TNT
I can't believe it's already over. Will the 2nd Mass make it out alive? In "A More Perfect Union" the skitters are drawing nearer to the resistance, threatening their livelihood—and their lives, duh. And the 2nd Mass must face their most dangerous threat yet when Tom uncovers information that proves to be a huge game-changer.
Holy what's not going on in True Blood tonight, Batman! Here's what we can expect to go down in all the various storylines in "Sunset": Jessica gets pressured into participating in Bill's religious transformation, Alcide reaches out to his father, Sam and Luna head straight for the Authority, Sookie uses a faerie elder to get critical information about an ancient family secret, and the military uses a video of Steve Newlin and Russell as ammunition. I told you it was a lot!
SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, BBC America
Are you ready for a procedural that stars an Irish-immigrant in New York City and dates back to 1864? Then you're ready for Copper, but you have to pronounce it as though you actually live NYC circa 1864 to fully enjoy the experience. Try it with me: Coppehhr. Better, right? In the series premiere, "Surviving Death," our Irish cop(pehhr) Kevin Corcoran is on the hunt for a child killer in the notorious Five Points area. Catch that killah, coppehhr!
Finding Amelia Earhart: Mystery Solved?
As if the title doesn't say it all, Discovery delves back into the mystery that has stumped historians for over seven decades. Expert Richard Gillespie believes he may have finally found the answers to what happened when Amelia Earhart, the first woman to fly across the Atlantic alone, went missing in 1937. Suckers for history must tune-in!
SEASON 1 FINALE, 10pm, USA
In "Resignation Day" Douglas finally admits to his backstabbing, Elaine attempts to resign with professionalism but gets deterred when the press gets its hands on her resignation letter first, and—as if that isn't enough political scandal—an even bigger, more shocking event occurs that will leave everyone stunned and stunted. Oh, the humanity!
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
Big Brother, 8 p.m., CBS
Cupcake Wars, 8 p.m., Food
Jerseylicious, 8 p.m., Style
Leverage, 8 p.m., TNT
Mob Wives Chicago, SEASON 1 FINALE, 8 p.m., VH1
Nazi Underworld, TWO-HOUR SPECIAL, 8 p.m., NatGeo
Off the Hook: Extreme Catches, 8 p.m., Animal Planet
Sunday Best, 8 p.m., BET
Survivorman Ten Days, 8 p.m., Discovery
All You Can Meat, 9 p.m., Travel
Bar Rescue, 9 p.m., Spike
Big Ang, 9 p.m., VH1
Chopped, 9 p.m., Food
Drop Dead Diva, 9 p.m., Lifetime
Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition, 9 p.m., ABC
Hell on Wheels, 9 p.m., AMC
Hoarding: Buried Alive, 9 p.m., TLC
Ice Road Truckers, 9 p.m., History
Keeping Up With the Kardashians, 9 p.m., E!
Nail Files, SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 9 p.m., TV Guide
Nightmare Next Door, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
One Car Too Far, SERIES PREMIERE, 9 p.m., Discovery
Oprah's Next Chapter, 9 p.m., OWN
All American Handyman, 10 p.m., HGTV
Army Wives, 10 p.m., Lifetime
Breaking Bad, 10 p.m., AMC
Bridezillas, 10 p.m., WE
Call of the Wildman, 10 p.m., Animal Planet
Flip Men, 10 p.m., Spike
High School Moms, 10 p.m., TLC
Lovetown, USA, SERIES PREMIERE, 10 p.m., OWN
Married to Jonas, SERIES PREMIERE, 10 p.m., E!
On the Case with Paula Zahn, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Taboo, 10 p.m., NatGeo
The Great Escape, 10 p.m., TNT
The Great Food Truck Race, SEASON 3 PREMIERE, 10 p.m., Food
The Jesus Conspiracies: The Lost Years, 10 p.m., Science
The Newsroom, 10 p.m., HBO
The Real Housewives of New Jersey, 10 p.m., Bravo
Weeds, 10 p.m., Showtime
Episodes, 10:30 p.m., Showtime
Black Dynamite, 11:30 p.m., Adult Swim
Aqua Something You Know Whatever, 12 a.m., Adult Swim
Squidbillies, 12:15 a.m., Adult Swim
What are you watching this weekend?