Labor Day Weekend, in the hizzy (for all of you American folks, anyway)! What are your end-of-summer plans shaping up to be, eh? As your TV spokesman, I'm obligated to encourage you to shut yourself in with the blinds drawn so that your television is the only source of light you'll experience for days, but secretly I hope you take advantage of whatever sunshine your neighborhood has to offer. You know, vitamin D and all. And now for this weekend's TV line-up:
What to watch on Friday, August 31...
In tonight's "Ablution" Kane becomes increasingly infatuated with his new aide, Mona—which she uses to her full advantage by encouraging him to get really excited about a housing redevelopment project that she's been enthusiastic about for some time. Manipulation is key!
SPECIAL, 9pm, NatGeo
Dark Secrets of the Lusitania
We've all been harboring questions about the wreck of the Lusitania for quite some time now, haven't we? No? You don't even know what the Lusitania is? Go back to school! Victim of a century-old war crime, the Lusitania sits silently at the bottom of the deep, deep blue. Until now! Well, technically it's still sitting there but at least it has the National Geographic camera crew to keep it company for a little while. Join NatGeo as it takes an expedition to solve remaining mysteries involving the shipwreck.
In "Lachlan's Gambit" Bo will have to make a very important, very personal life-threatening choice after The Ash takes action against a serious threat. With her closest friends suffering terribly, Bo realizes that she can no longer ride out her destiny as an indecisive participant. She must move forward carefully, and with conviction.
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
America's Next Top Model, 8 p.m., The CW
North Woods Law: On the Hunt, 8 p.m., Animal Planet
WWE Friday Night Smackdown!, 8pm, Syfy
America's Most Wanted, 9 p.m., Lifetime
Bering Sea Gold: Under the Ice, 9 p.m., Discovery
Extreme Homes, 9 p.m., HGTV
Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta, 9pm, TLC
Tyler Perry's For Better or Worse, 9 p.m., TBS
20/20, 10 p.m., ABC
Deadly Women, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Eden Eats, 10 p.m., Cooking
Fashion Police, 10 p.m., E!
I Found the Gown, 10 p.m., TLC
Law on the Border, 10 p.m., Animal Planet
Lost Girl, 10 p.m., Syfy
Real Time With Bill Maher, 10 p.m., HBO
Yukon Men, 10 p.m., Discovery
House Hunters International, 10:30 p.m., HGTV
What to watch on Saturday, September 1...
SPECIAL, 8pm, Discovery
One Giant Leap: A Neil Armstrong Tribute
Last week, when astronaut Neil Armstrong passed, the world lost a legend. As a tribute to his life and the impact he made on the world—especially in America—the Discovery Channel will air a one-hour special giving deeper insight into what it was like to be the first man to walk on the moon, featuring footage from his last ever public appearance and interviews with crew-mates Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins. Anyone who ever wanted to be an astronaut, or heck anyone who ever cared about science, might want to check this out. SCIENCE will follow this up with an encore presentation at 10pm, in the off-chance you miss it at 8pm.
SATURDAY NIGHT MOVIE PICK, 8pm, Showtime
Our Idiot Brother
Here's an underdog movie if I've ever seen one. Paul Rudd stars as a cheerful, honest-to-a-fault organic farmer who asks his sister for help after breaking up with his girlfriend. She lets him move in, but soon regrets it because, as it turns out, nice people are really freakin' annoying. Of course, when it turns out he might actually be onto something with the whole glass-half-full thing, shit starts to get real.
SEASON 7 PREMIERE, 9pm, BBC America
Hey, it looks like all of those Doctor Who specials were actually building up to something: The Season 7 premiere! The doctor is officially IN. Sort of. Technically he's in prison because the season starts out with his being kidnapped and condemned to a prison on another planet that's actually more of an asylum than anything else. Go get 'em, Doc!
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
My Cat From Hell, 8 p.m., Animal Planet
Dateline: Real Life Mysteries, 9 p.m., TLC
Tanked, 9 p.m., Animal Planet
The Suze Orman Show, 9 p.m., CNBC
Wicked Attraction, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Welcome to Sweetie Pie's: An Extra Slice, 9 p.m., OWN
One Giant Leap: A Neil Armstrong Tribute, 10 p.m., Science
Happily Never After, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Princess, 10 p.m., CNBC
What to watch on Sunday, September 2...
In "The Real Fake Car Job" the crew decides to set their sights on a crooked Wall Street exec. The bait? A fancy ol' antique car... at least, the facade of a fancy ol' antique car, which they use to lure their mark in so they can convince him to break the only deal that can protect him from prosecution. What could go wrong, right?
TV's Most Dynamic Duos: Presented by The Paley Center for Media
Robin Roberts hosts this two-hour special that pays tribute to the most memorable TV couples ever to have graced the small screen. Their chemistry, friendship, and—more importantly—their sexual tension were key to keeping audiences engaged and entertained for decades. I guess love never gets old? Sam and Diane (Cheers), Lucy and Ethel (I Love Lucy), and Pat Sajak and Vanna White (Wheel of Fortune) are just a few of the pairs who will receive special recognition.
SEASON 5 FINALE, 10pm, AMC
In an effort to capitalize on advertising dollars, AMC has decided to break up Breaking Bad's final season into two parts, which means we won't be privy to Walt's (presumptively dark) future for quite some time. But in the Season 5.1 finale, "Gliding Over All," Walt will make a dangerous decision while attempting to clean up loose ends. As if the decision he made at the end of last week's episode wasn't dangerous enough?
10pm, BBC America
In "In the Hands of an Angry God" a victim is found dead after a brutal lynching, tapping into dark, festering racial tensions of the era. Can an Irish copper bring peace to a devastated black community? ...Not gonna lie, this one sounds pretty intense.
Oh, hey Lisa Kudrow, cool web series-turned-TV show! In this week's episode, "Stalk Therapy," Fiona's client Newell confronts her about something that happened when the two were in college together—over 20 years ago. Grudges are pathetic, though, so I hope that works out really poorly for Newell. Meanwhile, Putsy gets into a little bit of trouble with the law and Fiona tries to cope with the realization that her old romance with Richard might finally be water under the bridge, after all. Because Fiona loves attention.
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
Big Brother, 8 p.m., CBS
Cupcake Wars, 8 p.m., Food
Leverage, 8 p.m., TNT
Off the Hook: Extreme Catches, 8 p.m., Animal Planet
Royal Memories: Prince Charles' Tribute to the Queen, SPECIAL, 8 p.m., PBS
Sunday Best, SEASON FINALE AT 9 p.m., 8 p.m., BET
Survivorman Ten Days, 8 p.m., Discovery
Women on Death Row, 8 p.m., Bio
Big Ang, 9 p.m., VH1
Hell on Wheels, 9 p.m., AMC
Hoarding: Buried Alive, 9 p.m., TLC
Keeping Up With the Kardashians, 9 p.m., E!
Nail Files, 9 p.m., TV Guide
One Car Too Far, 9 p.m., Discovery
Oprah's Life Class, 9 p.m., OWN
Sins & Secrets, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
The Great Food Truck Race, 9 p.m., Food
All American Handyman, 10 p.m., HGTV
Bridezillas, 10 p.m., WE
Copper, 10 p.m., BBC America
I Survived, 10 p.m., Bio
Iron Chef America, 10 p.m., Food
Lovetown, USA, 10 p.m., OWN
Married to Jonas, 10 p.m., E!
On the Case with Paula Zahn, SEASON FINALE, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Taboo, 10 p.m., NatGeo
Unique Eats, 10 p.m., Cooking
Weeds, 10 p.m., Showtime
Web Therapy, 10:30 p.m., Showtime
What are you watching this weekend?