After a long week of being shouted at by bosses, children, bus drivers, wild animals, and radio DJs, it's time to kick off your shoes and keep them off for two whole days! There will be no more shouting (except from the TV). Enjoy your weekend schedule, everybody:
What to watch on Friday, September 30...
When the team attempts to investigate a serial killer in the alternate universe, they discover that his counterpart in their universe is a forensic psychologist who may be able to help them. This show!
A Gifted Man
Tonight Michael splits his time between treating a pregnant friend with a brain tumor and attending to a young boy with sickle-cell anemia down at the free clinic, all while his dead wife smiles emotionally behind him.
Sam continues to struggle with the broken "wall" in his brain, Castiel adjusts to his new found omnipotence, and Dean runs himself ragged trying to deal with both issues. Sorry about your crummy job, Dean, but there's always University of Phoenix if you need a fresh start.
SEASON 2 FINALE, 10pm, Syfy
In tonight's intense season finale, the dead return to Haven to settle some undead zombie business, plus the dastardly reverend resurfaces to make things super uncomfortable for everyone. Dang, the Haven Tourism Board really has its work cut out for it!
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
Kitchen Nightmares, SEASON 4 PREMIERE, 8 p.m., FOX
Nikita, 8 p.m., CW
SpongeBob SquarePants, 8 p.m., Nickelodeon
Star Wars: The Clone Wars, 8 p.m., Cartoon Network
Wizards of Waverly Place, 8 p.m., Disney Channel
CSI: NY, 9 p.m., CBS
Dateline NBC, 9 p.m., NBC
I Shouldn't Be Alive, 9 & 10 p.m., Animal Planet
Jessie, SERIES PREMIERE, 9 p.m., Disney Channel
Man, Woman, Wild, 9 p.m., Discovery
Phineas & Ferb, 9:30 p.m., Disney Channel
20/20, 10 p.m., ABC
Blue Bloods, 10 p.m., CBS
Four Weddings, 10 p.m., TLC
Real Time with Bill Maher, 10 p.m., HBO
Strike Back, 10 p.m., Cinemax
The Soup, 10 p.m., E!
Twisted, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Anime Iron Man, 11 p.m., G4
Anime Wolverine, 11:30 p.m., G4
Claire Danes & Pearl Jam on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37 a.m., NBC
Elizabeth Hurley on The Wendy Williams Show, 12 a.m., BET
Hugh Laurie on Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC
Miranda July & The Horrors on Last Call with Carson Daly, 1:36 a.m., NBC
Seth Rogen & Judy Greer on Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS
What to watch on Saturday, October 1...
Saturday Night Live
Universally beloved funnylady Melissa McCarthy graces the SNL stages tonight, and fingers are crossed that she'll get to play crazier characters than she does on Mike & Molly. Also, some lady named Antebellum is the musical guest.
SEASON 6 FINALE, 9pm, BBC America
The Doctor's pre-ordained date of death has arrived, but history has suddenly become jumbled. What does it all mean??
ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 9pm, Comedy Central
Weird Al Yankovic Live! The Alpocalypse Tour
One of the coolest men alive (no really!) brings us this concert footage that was taped in Toronto back in July and which features song parodies both new (the Lady Gaga-inspired "Perform This Way") and classic ("Fat" and "Amish Paradise"). Come on, you know you had "In 3-D" on cassette tape and "UHF" on laserdisc. This guy is STILL the best.
ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 9pm, OWN
Celine: 3 Boys and a New Show
Here's an Oprah-produced documentary about one of the weirdest ladies in the world (Celine Dion) as she prepares for a new Las Vegas show and hangs out with her children and some old man.
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
Austin City Limits: Mumford & Sons, SEASON PREMIERE, 8 p.m., PBS
iCarly, 8 p.m., Nickelodeon
Victorious, 9 p.m., Nickelodeon
Suze Orman Show, 9 p.m., CNBC
Bad Dog!, 10 p.m., Animal Planet
Bedlam, SERIES PREMIERE, 10 p.m., BBC America
Bizarre E.R., 10 p.m., Discovery Fit & Health
Celebrity Nightmares Decoded, 10 p.m., Bio
What to watch on Sunday, October 2...
As Breaking Bad zooms toward its season finale, Walt scrambles to protect his family from Gus, Hank gets ever closer to exposing Pollos Hermanos, and Jesse finds himself caught between his newfound position within Gus' organization and his unsteady loyalty to Walt. SO intense!
SEASON 6 PREMIERE, 9pm, Showtime
Tonight Dexter returns with the titular character attending his twenty-year high school reunion (watch out, murderous former prom king!), and Debra finds herself an unexpected hero. DEBRA. Also, some religious-themed murders will introduce new characters and a new spiritual crisis in Dexter's life.
ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 8pm, PBS
In the first of a three-part series on Prohibition, Ken Burns brings us "A Nation of Drunkards," exploring the start of the temperance movement. It's worth remembering that busybody jerks have always been a part of this nation's history.
SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, Showtime
Word on the street is that Claire Danes is genuinely great in this very dark new thriller concerning a returned P.O.W. who may or may not have switched sides during his incarceration. As a redhead, I find it outrageous that one of my own could ever be associated with Al Qaeda, but that's Showtime for you. They GO there.
SEASON 3 PREMIERE,10pm, HBO
This season on Hung a newer, younger male hooker (who was a werewolf on The Vampire Diaries, FYI) gives Ray a run for his ill-gotten money. Plus Ray and Tanya must get creative to keep a new business afloat.
SERIES PREMIERE, 8pm, Travel Channel
Meet Ed and Marsha Edmunds, creators of animatronic monsters used in haunted houses and amusement parks. In tonight's premiere of their new reality series, the two will be forced to make it work when two "evil trees" are damaged in transit. YES PLEASE TO THIS.
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
60 Minutes, 7 p.m., CBS
America's Funniest Home Videos, SEASON 22 PREMIERE, 7 p.m., ABC
Amazing Race, 8 p.m., CBS
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, 8 p.m., ABC
Hunt for the I-5 Killer, ORIGINAL MOVIE, 8 p.m., Lifetime
I, Caveman, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 8 p.m., Discovery
Little People, Big World: Off to School, 8 p.m., TLC
The Simpsons, 8 p.m., Fox
Tough Love Miami, SEASON 3 PREMIERE, 8 p.m., VH1
Cleveland Show, 8:30 p.m., Fox
Boardwalk Empire, 9 p.m., HBO
Bridezillas, 9 p.m., WE
Desperate Housewives, 9 p.m., ABC
Family Guy, 9 p.m., Fox
Halloween Wars, SERIES PREMIERE, 9 p.m., Food Network
Sister Wives, 9 p.m., TLC
The Good Wife, 9 p.m., CBS
American Dad!, 9:30 p.m., Fox
Against the Wall, 10 p.m., Lifetime
CSI: Miami, 10 p.m., CBS
Dirty Soap, 10 p.m., E!
Pan Am, 10 p.m., ABC
Long Island Medium, 10 p.m., TLC
Real Housewives of New Jersey, 10 p.m., Bravo
South Park Documentary, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 10 p.m., Comedy Central
How to Make It in America, SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 10:30 p.m., HBO
Kendra, SEASON 4 PREMIERE, 11 p.m., E!
Squidbillies, 11:45 p.m., Cartoon Network
Pop-Up Video, 12 & 12:30 a.m., VH1
What are you watching this weekend?