Break a champagne bottle over the hull of this glorious morn, S.S. Weekend is ready to set sail! Remember to follow the North Star (your TV) and avoid icebergs (responsibilities)!:
What to watch on Friday, May 4...
SERIES FINALE, 10pm, USA
In Plain Sight
It's been a long run of protecting witnesses while wearing cool aviator sunglasses, but Mary "Mary" McCormack's packing it in tonight in "All's Well That Ends," In Plain Sight's series finale. Tune in to watch Mary finding herself torn between a witness and her family (after an unexpected family reunion), plus there's supposed to be a big change happening at the main office. (Free soda?) Bye, Mary!
This penultimate episode of Fringe Season 4 is actually the beginning of the season finale! In "Brave New World" Walter looks into a series of cases of spontaneous human combustion by revisiting some painful memories in his own past. Meanwhile both universes are in danger and the Fringe team must face off against David Robert Jones in a huge fight and/or brawl that will look like a big tornado with fists and elbows coming out of it like in the cartoons! No it won't look like that. It'll be exciting though.
In "Reading is Fundamental," Castiel wakes up! (Spoiler alert?) Also, a teen gets struck by lightning, is turned into some kind of prophet, and the Winchester bros come to believe he'll be the key in defeating the Leviathans. No pressure, guy.
Tonight Danny and Jackie will look into the mysterious death of a some kind of high-rolling 1% type. (Those types of people make enemies?) Meanwhile a hit is put out on Jamie's life so Frank decides to put him under house arrest.
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
Nikita, 8 p.m., CW
Shark Tank, 8 p.m., Fox
The Finder, 8 p.m., Fox
Undercover Boss, 8 p.m., CBS
Who Do You Think You Are?: Rashida Jones, 8 p.m., NBC
America's Most Wanted, 9 p.m., Lifetime
Art21: Art in the Twenty-First Century, 9 p.m., PBS
CSI: NY, 9 p.m., CBS
Fairly Legal, 9 p.m., USA
Grimm, 9 p.m., NBC
Primetime: What Would You Do?, 9 p.m., ABC
The Comedy Awards Playlist, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 9 p.m., Comedy Central
The Ricky Gervais Show, 9 p.m., HBO
Whale Wars: Viking Shores, 9 p.m., Animal Planet
20/20, 10 p.m., ABC
Dateline NBC, 10 p.m., NBC
Embarrassing Bodies, 10 p.m., Discovery Fit & Health
Magic City, 10 p.m., Starz
Real Time with Bill Maher, 10 p.m., HBO
The Ultimate Fighter Live, 10 p.m., FX
Damian Lewis on Tavis Smiley, 12 a.m., PBS
Kristen Stewart on Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:34 p.m., NBC
Nathan Fillion & Taran Killam on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37 a.m., NBC
Raven-Symoné on The Wendy Williams Show, 12 a.m., BET
Zooey Deschanel & Patrick Warburton on Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS
What to watch on Saturday, May 5...
ORIGINAL MINISERIES, 7pm, Syfy
Not ALL Syfy Productions are patently ridiculous from the get-go. For example, Treasure Island is a (relatively) big-budget, 4-hour saga that stars Eddie Izzard, Donald Sutherland, and Elijah Wood and might not feature ANY alien tornadoes of any kind! If you're a fan of the Robert Louis Stevenson swash-buckling classic, you may want to check out this version which also contains 100% more Shaun Parkes (A.J. from The River!) than any version thus far.
Saturday Night Live
Some guy named Eli Manning, who I believe might be a pro tennis player or something, joins some lady named Rihanna, who I believe might be some kind of princess from Barbados, for tonight's episode of Saturday Night Laffs!
ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 9pm, HBO
2012 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony
While it's true that 100% of the human population does not care about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and never will, HBO has still assembled what looks to be a pretty interesting special! Join new inductees the Beastie Boys, Donovan, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Guns N' Roses, and the ghosts of several long-dead artists for this 2.5 hour tribute to some of the greatest music of all time. Doesn't matter what it's for, that room will be filled to the brim with talent.
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
Cats 101, 8 p.m., Animal Planet
Escape Routes, SEASON 1 FINALE, 8 p.m., NBC
Tanked, 9 p.m., Animal Planet
The Firm, 9 p.m., NBC
Suze Orman Show, 9 p.m., CNBC
48 Hours Mystery, 10 p.m., CBS
Bizarre E.R., 10 p.m., Discovery Fit & Health
Flipped Off, 10 p.m., A&E;
The Thick of It, 12 a.m., BBC America
Katy Brand's Big Ass Show, 12:40 a.m., BBC America
What to watch on Sunday, May 6...
SERIES 2 PREMIERE, 9pm, PBS
While the recent Robert Downey, Jr.-Jude Law Sherlock movies were fun and all, it's this series of modernized adventures that secretly blew viewers away. If you haven't Netflixed Series 1, get on that! (Fair warning: Each installment is the length of a feature film.) "A Scandal in Belgravia" kicks off Series 2 and finds the titular sleuth (Benedict Cumberbatch) becoming a media sensation due to Watson's (Martin Freeman) blog and he's tasked with a case that gets them both mixed up with the CIA, international terrorists, and the British royal family. Normal stuff.
Game of Thrones
In "The Old Gods and the New," Daenerys stands her ground in protecting what she believes is rightfully hers, plus Jon Snow must prove his mettle up in those snowy mountains. Also Arya gets an unexpected visitor and Joffrey deals with his occasionally disloyal subjects. (It's now a struggle just to type his name without cringing.)
Tonight Peggy finds herself reluctantly harboring a secret, plus Pete has to help out a friend in need. And in the AMC synopsis writer's most tantalizing tease to date, "Don gets a surprise." If that doesn't hook viewers, what will? (Besides quality writing.)
ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 8:30pm, Comedy Central
Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis
Here's a half-hour version of one of Funny or Die's best video series ever, filmed before and in conjunction with Comedy Central's second annual The Comedy Awards. Some of Galifianakis' interview subjects include funnywoman Tina Fey, funnyman Jon Stewart, and airline worker Sir Richard Branson.
SEASON 20 FINALE, 8pm, CBS
Have you been watching this, the 20th season of Amazing Race? If so, who do you think will win in tonight's finale? Please don't say Brendan and Rachel. They took up enough of my mental real estate on Big Brother and are basically the reason I avoided this season of Amazing Race. So who besides them?
Another half hour, another 90 minutes of jokes and concepts crammed in there somehow. This show is dense! But it's good, obviously. Tonight Selina's college-age daughter comes for a visit and Selina celebrates 20 years in D.C. while ALSO deflecting rumors of a feud between her and the first lady. There's also some business about Selina attempting to have her named removed from a list of possible hurricane names because she needs more things to worry about. Whew, I'm tired.
AWARDS SPECIAL, 9pm, Comedy Central
The Comedy Awards
This is only the second year of Comedy Central's slightly self-celebratory awards show, but it's already pretty respected. Among other awards, Jon Stewart will be presenting the Johnny Carson Award for Comedic Excellence to Don Rickles, plus Robin Williams will receive the Stand-Up Icon Award. Gallagher will be awarded a mop and a bucket.
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
60 Minutes, 7 p.m., CBS
America's Funniest Home Videos, 7 p.m., ABC
Dateline NBC, 7 p.m., NBC
The Cleveland Show, 7:30 p.m., Fox
Harry's Law, 8 p.m., NBC
Mob Wives, 8 p.m., VH1
Once Upon a Time, 8 p.m., ABC
The Simpsons, 8 p.m., Fox
Bob's Burgers, 8:30 p.m., Fox
Army Wives, 9 p.m., Lifetime
Celebrity Apprentice, 9 p.m., NBC
Chopped All-Stars, SEASON 2 FINALE, 9 p.m., Food Network
Desperate Housewives, 9 p.m., ABC
Family Guy, 9 p.m., Fox
Long Island Medium, 9 p.m., TLC
MythBusters, 9 p.m., Discovery
Nurse Jackie, 9 p.m., Showtime
The Killing, 9 p.m., AMC
Wilson Phillips: Still Holding On, 9 p.m., TV Guide Channel
American Dad!, 9:30 p.m., Fox
The Big C, 9:30 p.m., Showtime
GCB, SEASON 1 FINALE, 10 p.m., ABC
Khloe & Lamar, 10 p.m., E!
NYC 22, 10 p.m., CBS
River Monsters, 9 p.m., Animal Planet
The Borgias, 10 p.m., Showtime
The Client List, 10 p.m., Lifetime
The Real Housewives of New Jersey, 10 p.m., Bravo
Girls, 10:30 p.m., HBO
Meet Mrs. Eastwood & Company, 10:30 p.m., E!
Ice Loves Coco, 10:30 p.m., E!
Shannen Says, 11 p.m., WE
Loiter Squad, 11:30 p.m., Cartoon Network
Metalocalypse, 12:15 a.m., Cartoon Network
What are you watching this weekend?