No offense to this week, but I kind of thought it would never end? So many premieres! If you're anything like me, this weekend will involve a jam-packed DVR, so many Peanut Butter M&Ms;, and the cheapest wine possible. Weekends are the best! Here's what's on:
What to watch on Friday, September 23...
SEASON 4 PREMIERE, 9pm, Fox
Good thing you spent the summer getting caught up, right? RIGHT? Haha, anyway, tonight's premiere picks up a week after Peter's vanishing, and finds the team investigating a shape-shifter incident to which they're personally connected.
SEASON 7 PREMIERE, 9pm, CW
Where do you go from here? Castiel is GOD now, you guys. In tonight's season premiere, he'll tell the boys to not interfere with his God duties. Plus, Dean tries to enlist Death to help stop him while Sam struggles with the broken wall in his brain. We've all been there, Sam.
SERIES PREMIERE, 8pm, CBS
A Gifted Man
When a neurosurgeon dreamboat (Patrick Wilson) starts having visions of his deceased ex-wife, he first questions his sanity and then must decide whether to carry out her wishes. If you like shows on the sentimental side that star Patrick Wilson, this is probably your best bet.
SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 10pm, CBS
The second season picks up with the surprise murder of one of the mayor's supporters, but the mayor asks Frank to cover it up as a random act of violence. Plus Jamie gets his first undercover assignment. Congratulations, Jamie, your job is slightly more dangerous now, finally!
SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 8pm, CW
Amanda's all about proving herself as the new leader of The Division, but first must figure out how to prevent Nikita and Michael from taking her down along with Oversight, especially now that Oversight has assigned a minder to look after her. Again with the dangerous jobs everyone has! They'd BETTER be getting dental benefits at least.
ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 11pm, VH1
Nirvana: Live at the Paramount
Bust out your best flannels and Doc Martins! In celebration of the 20th anniversary re-release of Nevermind, tonight VH1 airs this classic Nirvana performance recorded at Seattle's Paramount Theater on Halloween night '91.
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
Kitchen Nightmares, SEASON 4 PREMIERE, 8 p.m., FOX
SpongeBob SquarePants, 8 p.m., Nickelodeon
Star Wars: The Clone Wars, 8 p.m., Cartoon Network
CSI: NY, SEASON 8 PREMIERE, 9 p.m., CBS
Dateline NBC, 9 p.m., NBC
Man, Woman, Wild, 9 p.m., Discovery
20/20, 10 p.m., ABC
Four Weddings, 10 p.m., TLC
Haven, 10 p.m., Syfy
One Man Army, 10 p.m., Discovery
Real Time with Bill Maher, 10 p.m., HBO
Strike Back, 10 p.m., Cinemax
The Soup, 10 p.m., E!
Twisted, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Anime Iron Man, 11 p.m., G4
Whisker Wars, 11 p.m., IFC
Anime Wolverine, 11:30 p.m., G4
Gerard Butler & Kat Dennings on Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS
Hugh Jackman & Maya Rudolph on Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC
Nathan Fillion on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS
Taylor Lautner & Beyoncé on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:35 a.m., NBC
Ty Pennington on The Wendy Williams Show, 12 a.m., BET
What to watch on Saturday, September 24...
SEASON 37 PREMIERE, 11:30pm, NBC
Saturday Night Live
It's been MONTHS since Alec Baldwin hosted SNL, so it's back in the saddle for him. And guess who else will be back? The entire cast! No hirings or firings this year, which Jay Pharaoh must be pretty stoked about. Oh yeah and the musical guest is RADIOHEAD, which is likely your favorite band if you've ever spent any amount of time being sad in college. (I love Radiohead!)
9pm, BBC America
While visiting an old friend, the good Doctor must look into a local uproar when a silver rat causes a commotion in a department store. But [SPOILER ALERT] the rat is not what it seems!
ORIGINAL MOVIE, 9pm, Syfy Channel
After sweeping all the awards at the Venice Film Festival, tonight Syfy finally premieres Morlocks, a thrilling piece of landmark cinema about a scientist's time-traveling device which sends people into a future ruled by lethal humanoid monsters. Powerful stuff.
10pm, BBC America
Tonight the decidedly not-British Chris Hardwick brings to BBC America a TV talk show version of his internet-famous podcast. Guests include Doctor Who's Matt Smith and some talk show host named Craig Ferguson.
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
Cops, 8 p.m., Fox
iCarly, 8 p.m., Nickelodeon
Big Time Rush, 8:30 p.m., Nickelodeon
Suze Orman Show, 9 p.m., CNBC
48 Hours Mystery, 10 p.m., CBS
Bad Dog!, 10 p.m., Animal Planet
Bizarre E.R., 10 p.m., Discovery Fit & Health
Celebrity Nightmares Decoded, 10 p.m., Bio
Funny as Hell, 10:30 p.m., BBC America
What to watch on Sunday, September 25...
SEASON 3 PREMIERE, 9pm, CBS
The Good Wife
One of TV's best-loved and critically acclaimed serials returns tonight to find Alicia defending a Muslim student accused of murdering a Jewish classmate. Plus there'll undoubtedly be some awkward personal interactions around the office. That's just how the law firms are!
It's unclear how exactly Jesse will get himself out of last week's cliffhanger, but we know that tonight Walt will have to figure out how to prevent Hank from discovering his and Gus' secret. Plus Skyler continues having bad times with regard to Ted Beneke and his terrible choices.
SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 9pm, HBO
Tonight marks the return of another of HBO's expensive prestige series, and it concerns Nucky's attempts to secure a real estate deal in Atlantic City as well as play peacemaker between Chalky and the KKK. (Those names are so much stupider in writing!) Meanwhile Al Capone seeks to expand his liquor business throughout Chicago, as Al Capones are wont to do.
SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, ABC
Despite the obvious Mad Men influence, this thing is actually one of the more interesting pilots this season, particularly in how it sets itself apart from Mad Men. It's not depressing! The women actually have good times. It's trying to make us laugh! Christina Ricci and Mike Vogel lead a group of stewardesses and pilots who deal with 1960s-era Cold War scenarios. Why not tune in to see if it's worth your time?
SEASON 8 PREMIERE, 9pm, ABC
Nothing brings friends together like disposing of a body together! Tonight the ladies of Wisteria Lane team up to clean up the murder of Gaby's evil stepfather. Plus a sexy new dude moves into the neighborhood (obviously) and Renee strikes up an immediate fancy. (Haha "fancy.")
SEASON PREMIERES, 8-10pm, Fox
FOX ANIMATION DOMINATION
The Simpsons [Season 23]
Cleveland Show [Season 3]
Family Guy [Season 10]
American Dad! [Season 7]
All your favorite PG-13 cartoons are back! (Except for Bob's Burgers, but oh well). First The Simpsons kicks off its 23rd (!) season with guest appearances by Kiefer Sutherland as a shy security guard and Top Chef judge Tom Colicchio as himself. Then on the Seth McFarlane portion of the evening, Family Guy's Peter Griffin crosses over into Cleveland Show and Cee-Lo cameos on American Dad! as a singing hot tub.
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
60 Minutes, 7 p.m., CBS
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, SEASON 9 PREMIERE, 7 & 8 p.m., ABC
40 Champions of Cute, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 8 p.m., VH1
Amazing Race, SEASON 19 PREMIERE, 8 p.m., CBS
Curiosity: Atlantis Discovered, 8 p.m., Discovery
Dog Park Superstars, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 8 p.m., GSN
Bridezillas, 9 p.m., WE
Drop Dead Diva, SEASON 3 FINALE, 9 p.m., Lifetime
Jeff Dunham: Controlled Chaos, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 9 p.m., Comedy Central
Masterpiece Mystery!, 9 p.m., PBS
Sister Wives, MIDSEASON PREMIERE, 9 p.m., TLC
The Great Food Truck Race, SEASON 2 FINALE, 9 p.m., Food Network
Against the Wall, 10 p.m., Lifetime
CSI: Miami, SEASON 10 PREMIERE, 10 p.m., CBS
Dirty Soap, SERIES PREMIERE, 10 p.m., E!
Long Island Medium, SERIES PREMIERE, 10 p.m., TLC
Millionaire Matchmaker, 10 p.m., Bravo
Kendra, SEASON 4 PREMIERE, 11 p.m., E!
Squidbillies, 11:45 p.m., Cartoon Network
What are you watching this weekend?