What will your weekend project be this weekend? Landscaping? Carpentry? Writing the next installment in your 12-volume fantasy series? Beating Bejeweled? Either way, let's make this weekend count! Also, let's watch some TV because GAME OF THRONES! And these:
What to watch on Friday, March 30...
SERIES "PREVIEW," 11pm, Starz
Tonight Starz will be hoping some of its Spartacus success rubs off on its newest (expensive-looking!) drama, Magic City, a period drama centered around a luxury hotel in 1959 Miami. In tonight's special "preview" (the official premiere is next week), we'll meet manager Ike Evans (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) as he enlists the local mafia to help ensure his hotel's New Year's Eve concert goes off without a hitch. It'll probably all work out perfectly! Series over.
In the eerily titled "Nothing As It Seems," the team investigates a brand-new case that nonetheless feels familiar to Peter. That's all well and good, but something tells me everything isn't what it seems, you guys.
In the cheerily titled "Party On, Garth," the Winchester boys help protect Garth from a mythical Japanese creature bent on revenge. Oh, and they can only see the thing when they're drunk. So it's THAT kind of episode.
Tonight Nick and Monroe look into the mysterious death of a spice-shop owner and come to learn that the victim's sister could be an important ally for Nick. Meanwhile back at headquarters, tons of shenanigans occur related to Adalind and her hexing abilities. Hexnanigans, basically.
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
Kitchen Nightmares, SEASON 4 FINALE, 8 p.m., Fox
Nikita, 8 p.m., CW
Undercover Boss, 8 p.m., NBC
Who Do You Think You Are?: Rita Wilson, 8 p.m., NBC
America's Most Wanted, 9 p.m., Lifetime
CSI: NY, 9 p.m., CBS
Fairly Legal, 9 p.m., USA
Phineas and Ferb, 9 p.m., Disney Channel
Primetime: What Would You Do?, 9 p.m., ABC
20/20, 10 p.m., ABC
Bering Sea Gold, HIGHLIGHTS SHOW, 10 p.m., Discovery
Blue Bloods, 10 p.m., CBS
Dateline NBC, 10 p.m., NBC
In Plain Sight, 10 p.m., USA
Merlin, SEASON 4 FINALE, 10 p.m., Syfy
On Death Row, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Real Time with Bill Maher, 10 p.m., HBO
Spartacus: Vengeance, 10 p.m., Starz
The Ultimate Fighter Live, 10 p.m., FX
Greta Gerwig on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37 a.m., NBC
Megan Mullally on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS
Nicole Richi on Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC
What to watch on Saturday, March 31...
SERIES PREMIERE, 8pm, NBC
Tonight NBC unveils this new interactive reality game-show-slash-Ford-Escape-infomercial series. In tonight's premiere, several pairs of contestants will embark on a cross-country road trip adventure in the hopes of winning $100,000 and TWO Ford Escapes. How, you know, cool for them.
AWARDS SPECIAL, 8pm, Nickelodeon
Kids' Choice Awards
It's about time children were given a voice! They are basically just little grown-ups, you know? Just kidding, children know very little about anything. But they DO like fun entertainment and that's what this show's all about. Fun entertainer and host Will Smith will preside over the proceedings and presenters include Chris Rock, Emma Stone, Zac Efron, Heidi Klum, Victoria Justice, Chris Colfer, and the always child-appropriate Cee Lo Green. Round up the children and wrap them in tarps: Your living room is about to get SLIMED!
ORIGINAL MOVIE, 9pm, Syfy
As if it weren't bad enough that a dumb UFO has gone and crash landed in Puget Sound, the accident accidentally triggers a SEATTLE SUPERSTORM that threatens the world. Fortunately a scientist and a soldier team up to stop the SEATTLE SUPERSTORM. Good luck, you two! Very tired of these SEATTLE SUPERSTORMS.
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
Must Love Cats, 8 p.m., Animal Planet
Q'Viva! The Chosen, 8 p.m., Fox
20/20: My Extreme Affliction, 9 p.m., ABC
Being Human (U.K.), 9 p.m., BBC America
The Firm, 9 p.m., NBC
Suze Orman Show, 9 p.m., CNBC
Too Cute! Pool Puppies, 9 p.m., Animal Planet
Bizarre E.R., 10 p.m., Discovery Fit & Health
The Graham Norton Show, 10:15 p.m., BBC America
Katy Brand's Big Ass Show, 11:30 p.m., BBC America
What to watch on Sunday, April 1...
SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 9pm, HBO
Game of Thrones
It was nice of you to pretend to read anything else on this list, because let's get real: THIS part is the only thing that matters here. Yes, that's right, Game of Thrones finally returns from its mercifully interminable hiatus with "The North Remembers," its Season 2 premiere. Picking up where the first book left off, tonight Robb Stark continues his retribution-tinged campaign against the various Lannister factions while Tyrion tries to keep Joffrey in check. Elsewhere Daenerys and her cool new pets attempt to survive their journey through the Red Waste. YES. So excited about this. Oh, and make sure to come back for Tim Surette's killer GoT coverage. He knows his stuff, for real.
SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 8pm, AMC
Haha remember this thing? I mean it's sort of good but also sort of not? It seems particularly sick that AMC decided to air The Killing's Season 2 premiere opposite Game of Thrones, but at least it's giving us two episodes at once. That's something, right? Anyway, tonight Sarah returns to Seattle to look into a potential cover-up relating to the Councilman's arrest. Also: There's an "unsettling" discovery at the Larsen house! Will something—anything—come of it? Tune in!
SEASON 2 FINALE, 9pm, Showtime
It's with a heavy heart that I mention that tonight is the season finale of TV's finest showcase for attractive, filthy people doing emotional things. In "Fiona Interrupted," the titular lass deals with Jimmy issues; Frank attempts to get Monica released from the psychiatric ward; various cast members play hot-potato with Karen's newborn; and dead Eddie's much-anticipated insurance check arrives. And it's naked!
In "Tea Leaves," Peggy is given new responsibilities around the office while the rest of the fellas get more aggressive about growing the business. That means Don and Harry will "go the extra mile" for a particularly big client. All that, plus more handsomely adorned stress than you can shake an empty highball at.
Tonight Bob deals with some competitiveness issues when he battles Jimmy Pesto for the high score in "Burgerboss," a burger-flipping arcade game. (I want to play this game.)
Once Upon a Time
In the regular town Emma will attempt to exonerate Mary Margaret for Kathryn's murder. Meanwhile, in the CGI fantasy nightmare town, Regina has to make the tough decision of whether to marry for happiness or money. PLUS we'll finally learn why the Evil Queen hates Snow White so much.
Masterpiece Classic: Great Expectations
For those thirsting for a classier viewing experience, why not check out the first of a two-part PBS adaptation of Charles Dickens' classic novel Great Expectations? Although the tale of hardscrabble orphan Pip and the elusive girl he loves might SEEM like high art these days, back in the day Great Expectations was basically the Twilight series of its time. Total trash. But anyway Miss Havisham is the best and her backstory is awesome. Team Havisham!
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
60 Minutes, 7 p.m., CBS
Dateline NBC, 7 p.m., NBC
The Cleveland Show, 7:30 p.m., Fox
Academy of Country Music Awards, AWARDS SPECIAL, 8 p.m., CBS
Celebration of Gospel 2012, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 8 p.m., BET
Celebrity Apprentice, 8 p.m., NBC
Frozen Planet, 8 p.m., Discovery
Desperate Housewives, 9 p.m., ABC
Long Island Medium, 9 p.m., TLC
MythBusters, 9 p.m., Discovery
Nightmare Next Door, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Oprah's Next Chapter, 9 p.m., OWN
River Monsters, SEASON 4 PREMIERE, 9 p.m., Animal Planet
The Real Housewives of Atlanta, 9 p.m., Bravo
Worst Cooks in America, SEASON 3 FINALE, 9 p.m., Food Network
American Dad!, 9:30 p.m., Fox
Breakout Kings, 10 p.m., A&E;
Coming Home, 10 p.m., Lifetime
GCB, 10 p.m., ABC
House of Lies, SEASON 1 FINALE, 10 p.m., Showtime
Jo Koy: Lights Out, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 10 p.m., Comedy Central
Khloe & Lamar, 10 p.m., E!
Leave It to Niecy, 10 p.m., TLC
Saving the Titanic, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 10 p.m., PBS
Shahs of Sunset, 10 p.m., Bravo
Unchained Reaction, 10 p.m., Discovery
Californication, SEASON 5 FINALE, 10:30 p.m., Showtime
Ice Loves Coco, 10:30 p.m., E!
Stevie TV, 11 p.m., VH1
Loiter Squad, 11:30 p.m., Cartoon Network
Check it Out! With Dr. Steve Brule, 12:30 p.m., Cartoon Network
What are you watching this weekend?