What to Watch This Weekend: Happy Endings, Doctor Who, The Walking Dead's Season 3 Finale, and Game of Thrones' Season 3 Premiere

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What to watch on Friday, March 29...


8pm & 8:30pm, ABC
Happy Endings
ABC’s red-headed stepchild sitcom bows on its new night and time, beginning with Brad and the gang striving to rescue his workplace from going under in “In the Heat of the Noche.” That’s followed by “The Straight Dope,” which gives us Max posing as a straight dude to gain access to a woman’s Bulls season tickets, and Alex surprising the group by trying to evolve past her dumb-blonde rep.


8pm, The CW
Nikita
“Inevitability” puts Nikita and Alex at odds when the former recommends Division assassinate the president of Chad while he’s visiting Paris. Couple this episode with that House, M.D. where Chase had to treat a dictator, and I’d guess that TV Tropes gets its “ethical quandaries over killing African heads of state” page together by Monday at the latest.


9pm, The CW
Cult
Skye is much the worse for wear after being drugged at last week’s Cult fan party, and it’s up to Jeff to procure a remedy in “The Good Fight.” Let’s all take a moment to appreciate the synchronicity of Matt Davis, who, though no longer a part of The Vampire Diaries, is still spending some of his 2013 searching for a cure in order to thwart lunatics.


9pm, NBC
Grimm
NBC’s press site bills “Nameless” as a take on the tale of Rumpelstiltskin. Since the plot entails Nick and Hank venturing online to pursue a murderous Wesen, I suppose they’ll have to guess the culprit’s user name to bring him down. Or maybe they’ll have to spin straw into bitcoin.


9pm, Fox
Touch
Martin locates Dr. Teller’s first patient in “Clockwork,” but it’s kind of a good news/bad news situation. The good news is that the man has vital information. The bad news? He’s a few hours away from receiving the death penalty for triple-homicide, and he won’t spill his guts until Martin can reunite him with his estranged daughter.


LATE-NITE:
– Chelsea Handler, 105-year-old Edythe Kirchmaier, and Sky Blu on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC



WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING ON FRIDAY?



What to watch on Saturday, March 30...


SPRING PREMIERE, 8pm, BBC America
Doctor Who
“The Bells of Saint John” greets the Doctor with a new adversary in the Spoonheads and a new companion in Clara (Jenna-Louise Coleman). Ironically, while the Spoonheads have completely human-shaped heads, Clara is actually a five-foot-seven sentient spork.


SERIES PREMIERE, 9pm, BBC America
Orphan Black
Upon finding out she’s a clone, an orphan named Sarah is soon drawn into a perilous conspiracy in this new supernatural series. The opener finds Sarah escaping into a new identity after she observes the suicide of a woman who looks exactly like her. And yes, it’s all BBC America all the time here at What to Watch Saturday Amalgamated Industries, because...


SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, BBC America
The Nerdist
Chris Hardwick’s eponymous podcast gets the small-screen treatment, presumably with fewer zombie discussions than occur during his watch on AMC. (Not no zombie discussions, I’m sure, just... fewer.) The host and his crew of correspondents chat with entertainers, scientists, and other representatives of the ever more ephemerally defined “nerd culture.”



WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING ON SATURDAY?



What to watch on Sunday, March 31...


MINISERIES FINALE, 8pm, History
The Bible
“Passion” concludes the miniseries with Peter denying Jesus, who is later betrayed and crucified. (Don’t worry, it doesn’t take.) Meanwhile, Paul ventures out on a road trip to Damascus, which I’m sure will prove entirely routine and inconsequential.


SERIES 2 PREMIERE 8pm, PBS
Call the Midwife
It’s Jenny Lee’s birthday as the second season opens, but she doesn’t have much time to celebrate before meeting a new patient who faces troubling circumstances. Elsewhere, Trixie and Sister Evangelina tend to a young woman who's preparing to give birth aboard a Swedish cargo ship; hopefully the mother-to-be has a name picked out already, lest she scan the surroundings for inspiration and wind up with a kid named after a prefab credenza.


8pm, BBC America
The Doctors Revisited
Third Doctor Jon Pertwee is next in the queue for this monthly special. His selected outing is 1970’s “Spearhead from Space,” in which an alien consciousness threatens to annihilate humanity through the use of plastic replicas, because I guess everything on the air tonight wants to set up Ikea jokes.


SEASON 3 PREMIERE, 9pm, HBO
Game of Thrones
Hodor, Hot Pie, Dagmer Cleftjaw, and the whole gang are back for another fun-filled season of mystical romps and heartwarming life lessons. “Valar Dohaeris” (“all men must serve,” if your High Valyrian is rusty) kicks things off with Jon meeting King-Beyond-the-Wall Mance Rayder, Tyrion seeking his just reward for saving King’s Landing, Littlefinger scheming toward Sansa, and Dany setting sail for Slaver’s Bay.


SERIES PREMIERE, 9pm, PBS
Mr. Selfridge
Jeremy Piven stars as the titular department store magnate, a brash American who strikes it big in London, and you have my word that blurbs about this show will not make any jokes about him demanding that everybody “hug it out, wanker.” (Okay, not after that one.) In the first installment, the opening of Selfridges & Co. is stymied when Selfridge's business partner bails.


9pm, CBS
The Good Wife
It’s a pretty crowded slate tonight, and I was all set to bump The Good Wife for a week. But then “The Wheels of Justice” had to go and bring back Dylan Baker AND Gary Cole (AND Gary Cole’s mustache). So. You see the bind I’m in. Though perhaps not as much of a bind as the one Alicia and Will are in re: the prospect of being rid of Colin Sweeney. Or the one Diane is in re: rekindling things with Kurt McVeigh.


9pm, Showtime
Shameless
“Order Room Service” finds Fiona and the brood roughing it on a camping trip, so area squirrels are advised to lock up their acorns. Meanwhile, homeless Frank seeks the minimal creature comforts of a night in the family van and turns to Carl for assistance.


SEASON 3 FINALE, 9pm, AMC
The Walking Dead
With The Governor preparing to go on the offensive, the Penitentiary Pals must decide whether it’s worth defending home sweet prison in “Welcome to the Tombs.” Carl’s been perusing the abandoned base listings just in case, and he thinks he’s found a pretty sweet deal on a fixer-upper water treatment plant that's just up the road a spell.



WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING ON SUNDAY?



And now, let’s all vote to crown the What to Watch Tonight Episode Title of the Week!