Weekends are for lovers. (Sorry haters, you get Tuesdays and Wednesdays.) So let's go nuts this weekend, you guys! Let's go outside and sneak into swimming pools and play flashlight tag and Sardines and wear short sleeves even though it's midnight. Plus TV, always TV. Team Summer!
What to watch on Friday, August 12...
8pm & 8:30pm, NBC
Friends With Benefits
The dudes and gals get into more sexy, high-concept fun. For instance, in two more of these burn-off episodes, Ben (one of the guys, it doesn't matter) reunites with an ex who's afflicted with short-term memory loss. Cool! Also, Fitz (one of the other guys, not Ben) decides to set his mother up on a date, but she ends up getting laid a ton on her own. Unexpected!
SERIES PREMIERE, 9pm, ABC
Karaoke Battle USA
Did you know that there are national karaoke tournaments in which actual pop stars (Kelly Clarkson, Taylor Swift, etc.) used to compete before they got famous? It's a real thing, apparently! In this new Joey Fatone-hosted reality series, a bunch of melodic screamers will compete for a recording contract. Call your lawyers, American Idol.
Man vs. Wild
Ever since Bear Grylls left you at the altar to pursue his dreams of stardom, you've had a tough time tuning into Man vs. Wild. But every now and again you do tune in—you know, just to see how he's doing. Well, tonight he's in Red Rock country, eating tumbleweeds and hugging cacti while nude (I'm guessing). So he's better off, basically? No offense!
SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, Cinemax
Uh oh, now Cinemax is in on the original-drama-series bandwagon. Meet ex-Delta Force dude Damien, who teams up with a British anti-terrorist dude to help bring down international criminals and thwart terrorist attacks. Although, it IS Cinemax, so it's also likely that there are several six-minute long, gauzily filmed softcore humping scenes.
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
Flashpoint, 8 p.m., CBS
Whale Wars, SEASON 4 FINALE, 8 & 9 & 10 p.m., Animal Planet
ThunderCats, 8:30 p.m., Cartoon Network
Dateline NBC, 9 p.m., NBC
Phineas & Ferb, 9 p.m., Disney
Deadly Women, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Four Weddings, 10 p.m., TLC
Haven, 10 p.m., Syfy
Rhett & Link: Commercial Kings, 10 p.m., IFC
Sex Change Hospital, 10 p.m., Discovery Fit & Health
The Soup, 10 p.m., E!
Torchwood: Miracle Day, 10 p.m., Starz
Anime Iron Man, 11 p.m., G4
LaVell Crawford: Can a Brother Get Some Love?, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 11 p.m., Comedy Central
Whisker Wars, 11 p.m., IFC
Anime Wolverine, 11:30 p.m., G4
What to watch on Saturday, August 13...
ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 9pm, NBC
WrestleMania: The World Premiere
Maybe you were too cheap to order the full pay-per-view extravaganza back in April, or maybe you'd just like to bodyslam your way down memory lane. Either way, tune in tonight for a one-hour highlight show of the 27th annual WrestleMania event held at the Georgia Dome. A grown man named "The Rock" hosts, and a grown woman named "Snooki" guest-stars.
ORIGINAL MOVIE, 9pm, Syfy
If there's one complaint most people had about 2012, it was "The budget is too high!" Cue the Syfy Channel swooping in to right that wrong. In their newest "original" "movie," an archaeologist and a book editor team up to somehow save the world from a foreordained geological apocalypse. No sweat!
ORIGINAL MOVIE, 9pm, Hallmark Channel
Honeymoon For One
When Nicollette Sheridan breaks off her impending nuptials and goes on the Ireland honeymoon alone, she strikes up a romance with a local only to face plot complications, etc. Oh, I hope everything works out for Nicollette Sheridan!
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
Dogs 101, 8 p.m., Animal Planet
iCarly, 8 p.m., Nickelodeon
Best of Doctor Who, 9 p.m., BBC America
Celebrity Ghost Stories, 9 p.m., Bio
Suze Orman Show, 9 p.m., CNBC
Bizarre E.R., 10 p.m., Discovery Fit & Health
Graham Norton Show, 10 p.m., BBC America
Celebrity Close Calls, 11 p.m., Biography
Outnumbered, 11 p.m., BBC America
What to watch on Sunday, August 14...
Dang, Mike the Cleaner, am I right? Best character on TV? Anyway, you do NOT want to mess with Mike the Cleaner, as Jesse will find out the hard way now that he's been abducted and driven out to the desert by the guy. Plus Walt scrambles to save Jesse while Skyler and Hank deal with stresses of their own.
Last week's episode featured True Blood's best cliffhanger yet, when Marnie summoned all nearby vampires to walk into the sunlight. (Oh no, not Jessica!!) Tonight her actions will cause many of our heroes to band together, including Eric and Sookie, who join Bill's team. Also Lafayette deals with some spirit possession issues.
ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 7pm, ABC
i.am FIRST: Science Is Rock and Roll
In a rare non-reprehensible career move, the Black Eyed Peas' William (I stole UR periods, guy) brings us this original special celebrating kids' participation in science, math, and robotics. Credit where credit's due, this is awesome. Unfortunately, there will also be "performances" by William's band as well as something called Willow Smith.
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Hey Ricky Gervais! Now that Ricky Gervais has made it his duty to show up on all the shows that I like, tonight he'll finally appear on Curb Your Enthusiasm when Jeff attempts to forge a professional partnership with him. Plus Larry becomes something of a hero in certain circles.
SERIES PREMIERE, 9pm, Fox
In the Flow with Affion Crockett
Picking up where House of Buggin' left off (haha j/k?) Fox brings us a new batch of urban-flavored sketch comedy, this time headed up by Affion Crockett. If you like sketches about Tiger Woods, American Idol, and Russell Simmons, then your Sunday nights just got meaningful!
ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 10pm, TLC
High Stakes Sweepers
As the slightly trashier companion piece to Extreme Couponers, this special profiles five professional sweepstakes participants who spend all their waking hours trying to win free things from radio contests. In tonight's premiere, a father attempts to win items for every aspect of his daughter's wedding, including her dress and honeymoon.
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
60 Minutes, 7 p.m., CBS
Dateline NBC, 7 p.m., NBC
Big Brother, 8 p.m., CBS
CMA Music Festival: Country's Night to Rock, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 8 p.m., ABC
Curiosity: Alien Invasion - Are We Ready?, 8 p.m., Discovery
Minute to Win It, 8 p.m., NBC
Season 25: Oprah Behind the Scenes, SERIES FINALE, 8 p.m., OWN
American Ninja Warrior, 9 & 10 p.m., G4
Bridezillas, 9 p.m., WE
Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, 9 p.m., VH1
Drop Dead Diva, 9 p.m., Lifetime
Exorcist Files, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 9 p.m., Discovery
Food Network Star, SEASON 7 FINALE, 9 p.m., Food Network
Hoarding: Buried Alive, 9 p.m., TLC
Leverage, 9 & 10 p.m., TNT
Marriage Ref, SEASON 2 FINALE, 9 & 10 p.m., NBC
Same Name, 9 p.m., CBS
The Glee Project, 9 p.m., Oxygen
Against the Wall, 10 p.m., Lifetime
Behind the Music: Ricky Martin, SEASON 4 FINALE, 10 p.m., VH1
Keeping Up With the Kardashians, 10 p.m., E!
Real Housewives of New Jersey, 10 p.m., Bravo
Ryan & Tatum: The O'Neals, SEASON 1 FINALE, 10 p.m., OWN
The Glades, 10 p.m., A&E;
The Great Food Truck Race, SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 10 p.m., Food Network
Entourage, 10:30 p.m., HBO
What are you watching this weekend?