This entire story is foolhardy because you'll undoubtedly be wanting to spend every waking moment of this weekend with your family, right? Just talking about life, your feelings, your hopes and dreams, and especially Obama. No real reason to even turn on the TV at any point! Who needs escapism when there's absolutely nothing anyone would ever want to escape from during a long holiday weekend?! Well, still though, our website is called TV.com, so we may as well write about what's on TV this weekend? So, hypothetically, here are some things to watch!
What to watch on Friday, November 23...
SERIES FINALE, 8 pm, Nickelodeon
For seven seasons and more than 100 episodes, some girl has been webcasting her zany life to millions of children around the country, but that all comes to an end tonight when one of Nickelodeon's biggest modern hits takes its final bow. Tonight's bittersweet plotline involves Carly's father failing to make it home in time to escort her to a big dance, so an unwell Spencer tries to fill in for him. But will Carly—[pause]—BUFFERING...
SERIES 3 PREMIERE, 9 pm, IFC
Trapped in the Closet
You may have heard the rumors wafting through the streets like sweet promises on the wind, but tonight they all come true: R. Kelly is BACK with more installments of his legendary dramedy series Trapped in the Closet! This time IFC brings us Series 3 of America's (ironically) favorite hip-hop opera. What kinds of sub-Tyler Perry melodrama will Robert Kelly unleash tonight? Will there be backstabbing harlots? Angry little people? Bald caps? Probably all three and then some. Get ready!
HOLIDAY SPECIAL, 9:30 pm, CBS
It's a SpongeBob Christmas
While we know to expect the annual return of certain animated Christmas specials, there's something pretty refreshing about an all-new one. Here's a new Christmas-themed SpongeBob special, for example! Will it be a new classic? You decide: Plankton uses a tainted fruitcake to turn the population of Bikini Bottom into jerks so that he can snatch the secret Krabby Patty formula. But hey, it's new SpongeBob.
10 pm, Bio
Ghost Inside My Child
Sometimes I have to recommend a show based on its title alone (which is how I determine 90 percent of what *I* watch). So yeah, Ghost Inside My Child is one of the most hilarious titles since Serial Killer: Earth. So what's it about? It's about children who have an eerie recall of violent deaths from their past lives! Or something. Who even knows? I, for one, choose to judge this book by its cover.
WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING ON FRIDAY?
What to watch on Saturday, November 24...
ORIGINAL MOVIE, 8 pm, Lifetime
The March Sisters at Christmas
If you the Louisa May Alcott classic Little Women, but you hate period costumes and/or remotely faithful literary adaptations, here's a Lifetime Original about the book's March family that's set in the modern day. It's about their attempts to save the family home during the holidays.
8 pm, Animal Planet
Too Cute! Sweetest Animal Friends
There's no shame in just putting on this special and raising the volume to drown out the various political rantings of your family! In this godsend of a program, we'll learn about all kinds of sweet animal friends, including friendships between ragdoll kittens and a German shepherd and also between a miniature Australian shepherd and baby ducklings.
SERIES PREMIERE, 8:30 pm, Nickelodeon
While a healthy majority of you may recoil at the mere sight of Lucas Cruikshank (a.k.a. Fred), there might—maybe—be some people who think he's funny and kind of underrated and fairly talented for his particular demographic, and also these same people might have probably seen the Fred movies and TV series more often than he (or she!) cares to admit in print, and especially because he (or she!) has a job as a TV critic and is concerned about his (or her!) credibility, not that he (or she!) has any credibility to speak of anymore these days? If that's the case, then those select few total weirdos LOL may want to check out his new sitcom in which Cruikshank plays a teenage alien who arrives on Earth and tries to live as a normal human being. Just, you know, FYI.
ORIGINAL MOVIE, 9 pm, Syfy
Dungeons & Dragons: The Book of Vile Darkness
Speaking of non-embarrassing things, here's a Syfy Original Movie or whatever this is. A sequel to an adaptation of a made-up board game? So in this one a brave warrior infiltrates a group of villains in order to rescue his father. Plus demons and dragons, or at least terrible CGI representations of said items. Sold!
WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING ON SATURDAY?
What to watch on Sunday, November 25...
8 pm, ABC
Once Upon a Time
Tonight the tale of Huey, Dewey, and Louie gets a sexy live-action spin in this HAHA j/k this episode is just about the same old costumed weirdos. In "Into the Deep," Cora attempts to snatch the compass from Mary Margaret and Emma, plus Regina and Mr. Gold have their way with David.
8:30 pm, Fox
Ooh this sounds good: After the mechanical shark at Mr. Fischoeder's new pier attraction goes haywire and starts attacking the town, Bob and his family take it upon themselves to stop it. An evil robo-shark, you guys!
9 pm, ABC
In the flashback episode "Lineage," we pay a visit to the Graysons in 2006 when Victoria's mother (guest-star Adrienne Barbeau) arrived for the holidays to create tons of family drama. Meanwhile Emily first begins her mission with Takeda 2.0 and then-new love interest Aiden, plus Nolan's company goes public and Jack's ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
9 pm, AMC
The Walking Dead
Tonight we'll see whether Michonne is welcomed into the fold at the prison! Meanwhile the Governor continues showing us his true nature when Glenn and Maggie arrive as new prisoners. Also, for the sixth consecutive week I will probably make the mistake of trying to eat something while watching. When will we learn?
ORIGINAL MOVIE, 9 pm, Lifetime
Liz & Dick
Haha it's finally here. Lifetime's epic attempt at trolling the entire world. In Liz & Dick, national treasure Lindsay Lohan plays deceased tabloid-fixture Liz Taylor in this multi-decade drama about Taylor's on-and-off relationship with Richard Burton. Expect the highest of high art with all the Emmys, Golden Globes, accolades to start pouring in shortly after! (P.S. I'll be photo-recapping it.)
10 pm, Showtime
Hey remember last week when (spoiler!) Brody got scooped up by a secret helicopter and whisked away to go chill with a plainclothes'd Abu Nazir? Well, this week's episode "Two Hats" will probably continue with that story! I'm not sure, it might also be a flashback episode to 2006 guest-starring Adrienne Barbeau. That is always a possibility with any episode of any TV show. But Occam's Razor, I'm guessing we'll get to see what happens between Brody and Abu Nazir.
WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING ON SUNDAY?