What to Watch This Weekend: Mad Men, Fringe, and Adult Swim's Loiter Squad

We get it, you'll be spending the weekend working on your hip hop career. Everybody knows this, we've all heard the beats. But in between laying down some mad flow, check out these very entertaining TV morsels:

What to watch on Friday, March 23...

9pm, Fox
In "A Short Story About Love," an evil killer targets LOVE ITSELF. It's up to the Fringe team to bring down this person, meanwhile Peter frets over how to handle the Olivia situation. (The Olivia Situation is the name of my new band.)

9pm, CW
According to whispers and hearsay, important stuff is bound to go down tonight. In "The Born-Again Identity," Lucifer really gets on Sam's nerves... So much so that Sam goes mad and winds up in a mental institution. Get well soon!

10pm, Starz
Spartacus: Vengeance
The resistance continues (well, resistances) as Spartacus gears up for an imminent attack by the Roman jerks. Elsewhere Lucretia attempts to escape from some very dangerous men and Glaber deals with the repercussions of his evil ways.

9pm, USA
Fairly Legal
In "Start Me Up," Kate mediates a case between the FBI and a hospital over the outcome of a liver transplant. Seems a patient on the donor list was bumped after the FBI pulled some strings. But anyway, Michael Trucco. Am I right, ladies?

Fred: The Show, 8 p.m., Nickelodeon
Kitchen Nightmares, 8 p.m., Fox
Nikita, 8 p.m., CW
Shark Tank, 8 p.m., ABC
Who Do You Think You Are?: Helen Hunt, 8 p.m., NBC
America's Most Wanted, 9 p.m., Lifetime
Gold Rush, REUNION SHOW, 9 p.m., Discovery
Primetime: What Would You Do?, 9 p.m., ABC
20/20, 10 p.m., ABC
Bering Sea Gold, REUNION SHOW, 10 p.m., Discovery
Dateline NBC, 10 p.m., NBC
In Plain Sight, 10 p.m., USA
Merlin, 10 p.m., Syfy
On Death Row, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Real Time with Bill Maher, 10 p.m., HBO
The Ultimate Fighter Live, 10 p.m., FX

Christian Slater on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37 a.m., NBC
Christina Aguilera on Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC

What to watch on Saturday, March 24...

8pm, Fox
Q'Viva! The Chosen
In the future ALL entertainers will be discovered by Jennifer Lopez. We should all just accept this fact. Anyway, tonight's installment of Fox's Saturday Evening Latin Entertainer Search finds a new batch of contestants auditioning in Los Angeles before the judges decide who will move one step closer to being included in Jennifer Lopez' rolodex.

8pm, Nickelodeon
In "April Fools Blank," Tori throws herself into April Fools' Day with reckless abandon! Maybe? I don't know. Tell yo kidz.

9pm, NBC
The Firm
And you thought there'd be no zombies on TV after The Walking Dead finale! LOL J/K. Because this show's ratings... Anyway, in the eleventh dang episode of The Firm, Mitch will represent a death-row inmate, Tammy will inherit a house, and the ongoing Sarah Holt case continues being The Firm's primary cause of death.

9pm, Animal Planet
Too Cute! Super Fluffy Puppies
Tune in to observe the first few months of brand-new litters of Rhodesian Ridgebacks and Chow Chows. Bless you, Animal Planet.

Must Love Cats, 8 p.m., Animal Planet
iCarly, 8:30 p.m., Nickelodeon
20/20: My Extreme Affliction, 9 p.m., ABC
Being Human (U.K.), 9 p.m., BBC America
Suze Orman Show, 9 p.m., CNBC
48 Hours Mystery, 10 p.m., CBS
Bizarre E.R., 10 p.m., Discovery Fit & Health
The Graham Norton Show, 10:15 p.m., BBC America
Katy Brand's Big Ass Show, 11:30 p.m., BBC America

What to watch on Sunday, March 25...

Mad Men
The classiest jerks you know are back on TV! In Mad Men's Season 5 opener (which is actually 2 episodes—that's feature length!) Don experiences an important surprise. Plus Roger and Pete frown at each other for a while and Joan deals with houseguest-related headaches.

Goodbye, horsies. :(

8:30pm, Fox
Bob's Burgers
Tonight Bob attempts to pick up business by adding a soft-serve ice cream machine to the restaurant. Meanwhile his kids conspire to get out of gym class by claiming to study synchronized swimming on their own time. Wait a minute—but synchronized swimming is hard to do!

8pm, ABC
Once Upon a Time
It's Alice in Wonderland time, you guys! When a "mentally unstable man with a hat obsession" kidnaps Emma, she'll have to deal with a multitude of Lewis Caroll-esque caricatures. At some point Roger Daltrey appears as the voice of the Caterpillar. Also the Evil Queen teepees the Queen of Hearts' pad. Or whatever.

10pm, HBO
Eastbound & Down
After last week's fireworks-in-a-nightclub incident, Kenny attempts to become a better man by trying out a new pitch and also dabbling in responsible parenting. Meanwhile Stevie's downward spiral continues over having cheated on Maria.

9pm, Showtime
Tonight the world's filthiest/handsomest TV family deals with Thanksgiving-related issues, particularly when Frank and Monica's relationship puts holiday plans on the back burner. Meanwhile Karen goes into labor and Debbie frets over whether depression runs in the Gallagher family. Happy holidays!

SERIES PREMIERE, 11:30pm, Cartoon Network
Loiter Squad
Controversial teenage millionaire rappers Odd Future get their own show courtesy of Adult Swim, and tonight we'll discover which brand of post-Tim & Eric humor they'll traffic in. It MIGHT be hilarious or it might be an uninspired vanity project. Who can tell? But that's why Adult Swim is so great: 11 minutes isn't too big an investment.

60 Minutes, 7 p.m., CBS
America's Funniest Home Videos, 7 p.m., ABC
Dateline NBC, 7 p.m., NBC
The Cleveland Show, 7:30 p.m., Fox
Amazing Race, 8 p.m., CBS
Frozen Planet, 8 p.m., Discovery
Harry's Law, 8 p.m., NBC
Mob Wives, 9 p.m., VH1
Game of Thrones, SEASON 2 PREVIEW, 8:30 p.m., HBO
Celebrity Apprentice, 9 p.m., NBC
Army Wives, 9 p.m., Lifetime
Desperate Housewives, 9 p.m., ABC
Long Island Medium, SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 9 p.m., TLC
MythBusters, 9 p.m., Discovery
Nightmare Next Door, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Oprah's Next Chapter, 9 p.m., OWN
The Good Wife, 9 p.m., CBS
The Real Housewives of Atlanta, 9 p.m., Bravo
Worst Cooks in America, 9 p.m., Food Network
American Dad!, 9:30 p.m., Fox
Breakout Kings, 10 p.m., A&E;
Coming Home, 10 p.m., Lifetime
CSI: Miami, 10 p.m., CBS
GCB, 10 p.m., ABC
House of Lies, 10 p.m., Showtime
Leave It to Niecy, SERIES PREMIERE, 10 p.m., TLC
Shahs of Sunset, 10 p.m., Bravo
Unchained Reaction, 10 p.m., Discovery
Californication, 10:30 p.m., Showtime
Life's Too Short, 10:30 p.m., HBO
Stevie TV, 11 p.m., VH1
Mary Shelley's Frankenhole, 12:15 a.m., Cartoon Network
Check it Out! With Dr. Steve Brule, 12:30 p.m., Cartoon Network

What are you watching this weekend?

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