What to Watch This Weekend: Netflix's Hemlock Grove, Game of Thrones, and the Series Premiere of What Would Ryan Lochte Do?

UPDATE: We're keeping track of Boston-related scheduling changes here

What to watch on Friday, April 19...

12am Pacific, Netflix
Hemlock Grove
Director Eli Roth brings you 13 episodes of creepy supernatural goings-on in a decaying Steel Belt town. Teenage loner/possible lycanthrope Peter investigates who or what may be responsible for the violent death a young woman, other than TV’s inexplicable fascination with the violent deaths of young women.

8pm, The CW
“Broken Home” finds Nikita drugged, bound, and undergoing Amanda’s torturous mental conditioning—which, in a sly bit of intra-network promotion, primarily consists of marathoning Oh Sit!. Birkhoff and Sean also have their hands full when they must find a way to rescue the women they love.

8pm & 8:30pm, ABC
Happy Endings
Penny’s taking her break-up with Pete awfully hard in “The Ballad of Lon Sarofsky.” Like, rebounding with Car Czar Rob Corddry and living with the parentally irate Brad and Jane, hard. Later, in “Un-sabotagable,” things aren’t much sunnier for Max, whose life is such a masterwork of aimless disarray that bitter, revenge-minded ex-roommate Mark-Paul Gosselaar can’t even figure out a way ruin it. Elsewhere, Alex is on a mission to burn through her stack of unused Groupons, so Chicago’s cupcake shops and laser hair-removal parlors had best be on the lookout.

9pm, NBC
Nick must defend Portland from the wrath of a volcano, which may test the limits of his trusty “kill it with an axe” strategy. Elsewhere in “Ring of Fire,” Adalind meets a new ally in Europe, and Juliette’s latest side effect plagues her with multiple memories of Nick popping up like goddamn banner ads on a late-’90s web browser.

9pm, Disney
Gravity Falls
Upon learning that her favorite boy band is but a gaggle of imprisoned clones, Mabel mounts a jailbreak in “Boyz Crazy.” Dipper’s sights are set on a different musical menace: Robbie, whose song may contain a hidden message meant to brainwash Wendy. Soos, for the record, does a killer “Bye Bye Bye” dance.

– Harrison Ford and Brad Goreski on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS


What to watch on Saturday, April 20...

8pm, BBC America
Doctor Who
England being lousy with spooky manors set upon foreboding moors, it was only a matter of time before the Doctor found himself visiting one, as he and Clara do in “Hide.” There they meet a psychic and a paranormalist professor hunting for the Witch of the Well, an apparition rumored to be haunting the joint.

9pm, BBC America
Orphan Black
Sara’s troubles are growing like a weed in “Effects of External Conditions.” As her pursuit of the Orphan killer grows more perilous, her cover identity is put at risk and her hopes of reuniting with Kira take a hit.

9pm, NBC
“Opening Night” arrives for Bombshell, setting Ivy’s nerves on edge while the mounting tension between Eileen and Richard throws up new hurdles. Elsewhere, Tom and Julia contemplate both their next project and which streaming service might distribute it after NBC cancels Smash. And Jimmy divulges the details of his past to Karen, though their relationship may have already gone to pot.

SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, Science
Outrageous Acts of Science
Basic cable and viral videos these days go together like Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson. Science Channel gets into the internet aggregation game with this collection of clips focused on homemade scientific experiments, potentially involving a solar death ray and/or an exploding whale, if the press materials are to be believed. And only a true scoundrel would lie about solar death rays and/or exploding whales, if I may be so blunt.


What to watch on Sunday, April 21...

8pm, PBS
Call the Midwife
Jenny returns from The London Hospital just in time to help Sister Evangelina deliver a baby born with spina bifida, and to help the parents grapple with the meaning of the condition. Also at Nonnatus House, Jenny catches the eye of a friend of Chummy’s with the splendidly Wodehousian name Reverend Applebee-Thornton.

9pm, ABC
Remember Sunday
Remember how when you saw Memento you thought to yourself, “Not bad, but what this concept could really use is a romantic comedy angle between Rory Gilmore and Chuck Bartowski”? Hallmark Hall of Fame, doin’ what it do, has answered your prayers. Lonesome waitress Alexis Bledel meets eccentric clerk Zachary Levi in this TV movie, and the two embark on a madcap courtship that’s only slightly hampered by his short-term memory impairment stemming from an aneurysm years ago. Will love triumph over neuroscientific plausibility?

9pm, CBS
The Good Wife
When Alicia’s mom asks her to represent some software coders in a contract dispute, the firm faces surprising ramifications. Elsewhere in “A More Perfect Union,” Peter asks Alicia to renew their marital vows, and Kalinda stirs the pot at Lockhart Gardner.

9pm, HBO
Game of Thrones
“And Now His Watch Is Ended” finds tensions high at Craster’s Keep, suffering as it does from a lack of continental breakfasts and copies of Westeros Today for its lodgers. South of the Wall, Arya meets Berric Dondarrion, Varys maneuvers against an old rival, and Dany takes her new army out for a spin.

9:30pm, Fox
American Dad
A mission to snag the “real” Osama bin Laden from his secret life in Florida goes sideways for Stan in “The Boring Identity.” After he suffers an amnesia-inducing blow to the noodle, Francine tries to rewrite his blank slate to make him the ideal husband. Back home, Steve is intoxicated by the sordid side of Roger’s paper route racket.

10pm, Showtime
The Borgias
A recovered Pope Alexander tracks down the cardinals who moved against him and boots them out on their holy keesters in “The Purge.” Meanwhile, Catherine Sforza tasks Rufio with drumming up the support of the Romagna families’ top mercenaries.

10pm, AMC
Mad Men
An old friend pays Joan a visit in “To Have and to Hold,” while the SCDP honchos work to keep the lid on a secret campaign. In Fake Mad Men plot developments, Betty takes her new brunette makeover to the next level when she changes her name to Veronica and starts calling her husband “Henry-kins.”

What Would Ryan Lochte Do?
“What Would Ryan Lochte Do...With a TV Show?” the debut of this reality program asks, goggling eagerly at us like it’s genuinely expecting a response. “No, really!” it persists with the guileless enthusiasm of a particularly keyed-up cocker spaniel. “What do you think would happen if a bunch of cameras tailed a swimmer who got famous for being hunky and dumber than a bag of kickboards?” It seems immune to even the most unamused glower. “You know he’s got his own catchphrase, right?!” the show continues, as if this were a selling point and not an invitation to get punched square in its smirking reality show face.


And now, let’s all vote to crown the What to Watch Tonight Episode Title of the Week!

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My weekend viewing ends up being: Friday- The Boston Manhunt Saturday- UFC on FX & FOX & MPSF Quarterfinal: Hawaii at BYU Sunday- 7 PM: Once Upon A Time 8 PM: The Amazing Race 9 PM: Vikings 10 PM: Granite Flats
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