Now that Labor Day is over, does this mean this is the first weekend of the fall? Wait, fall doesn't start until September 22? WHY ARE HOLIDAYS SO CONFUSING? Here's this weekend's TV line-up:
What to watch on Friday, September 7...
SPECIAL, 8pm, ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox, Bio, E!, Encore, HBO, ION, LMN, Showtime, Starz, Style, TBS, VH1
Stand Up to Cancer
This is probably the most epic hour of television I've ever seen posted on the television listings. You can literally watch this special from fifteen different channels. That means you've got a better chance of randomly landing on this live event than any other show on TV—and I'm including Seinfeld, The Big Bang Theory, and Sex and the City syndication in that super unofficial statistic. So what I think the networks are probably trying to say is: YOU SHOULD PROBABLY WATCH THIS BECAUSE IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE. And it is. Join Gwyneth Paltrow, Julia Roberts, Matt Damon, Samuel L. Jackson, Seth Rogen, and boatloads of other celebrities joining together for this cancer research fund-raiser. Also enjoy performances by Taylor Swift, Coldplay, Alicia Keys, and Tim McGraw.
In "Redemption" Kane cleans house, getting rid of some of his most loyal members of his own political machine. Maybe he's trying to finally do the right thing? If so, Meredith and Emma aren't buying it. They'll do everything they can to reject his whole-hearted efforts to reconnect. Politics, man.
In "Into the Dark" Trick confides in Bo with his deepest, darkest secret. And realizing she can't turn back, Bo decides to run head-first into a battle that could very well destroy the fate of the Fae. Bo, you're a killing machine. I think you'll be okay.
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
America's Next Top Model, 8 p.m., The CW
North Woods Law: On the Hunt, 8 p.m., Animal Planet
WWE Friday Night Smackdown!, 8pm, Syfy
America's Most Wanted, 9 p.m., Lifetime
Bering Sea Gold: Under the Ice, 9 p.m., Discovery
Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team, SEASON PREMIERE, 9 p.m., CMT
Great Performances, 9 p.m., PBS
Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta, 9pm, TLC
Tyler Perry's For Better or Worse, 9 p.m., TBS
Deadly Women, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Eden Eats, 10 p.m., Cooking
Fashion Police, 10 p.m., E!
I Found the Gown, 10 p.m., TLC
Law on the Border, 10 p.m., Animal Planet
Lost Girl, 10 p.m., Syfy
Real Time With Bill Maher, 10 p.m., HBO
Yukon Men, 10 p.m., Discovery
House Hunters International, 10:30 p.m., HGTV
What to watch on Saturday, September 8...
In "Ride Hard or Go Home" Charlie undergoes a 'last resort' procedure and in the midst of it all he is forced to confront his past or risk never waking up out of his coma. Meanwhile, Joel takes charge of an extremely risky surgery for a female jockey and Alex crosses a line when treating an Alzheimer's patient—but maybe the patient won't remember? Yeesh, that was too poor in taste even for my standards.
9pm, BBC America
In "Dinosaurs on a Spaceship" the doctor happens across, um... dinosaurs... on a spaceship. But it happens to be SPIRALING OUT OF CONTROL, unmanned. And though the doctor wants to stop it from its destructive path, he also wants to save its precious prehistoric cargo. Can he manage to do both?
SEASON PREMIERE, 9pm, NBC
My Fair Wedding with David Tutera: Unveiled
In the season premiere, "Burlesque Bride," a burlesque dancer is getting married and is absolutely insistant on turning her wedding into a burlesque nightclub, complete with pasties, latex, tassels—the works. Not only that: The man of honor even wants to strip at the reception. The groom, his family, the bridal party, annnnnd the rest of the wedding guests might be morbidly uncomfortable, but at least the bride is happy?
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
9/11 Emergency Room, SPECIAL, 8 p.m., TLC
My Cat From Hell, 8 p.m., Animal Planet
Wicked Attraction, SEASON FINALE, 8 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Celebrity Ghost Stories, 9 p.m., Bio
Happily Never After, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Tanked, 9 p.m., Animal Planet
The Suze Orman Show, 9 p.m., CNBC
Welcome to Sweetie Pie's: An Extra Slice, 9 p.m., OWN
Deadly Affairs, SEASON PREMIERE, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
I Was Impaled, SEASON PREMIERE, 10 p.m., Discovery Fitness & Health
The UneXplained, 10 p.m., Bio
What to watch on Sunday, September 9...
In "The Broken Wing Job" Parker breaks a leg, literally, and has to be left behind on a job—but it turns out to be stroke of good luck because as she's left to tend to her wounds, she happens upon a robbery scheme. Will she attempt to con these guys solo, or will she enlist the rest of the crew for help?
SEASON 4 FINALE, 9pm, Lifetime
Drop Dead Diva
If ever there's been a jam-packed finale, this is it: In "Jane's Getting Married" Grayson finally confesses his feelings for Jane on her wedding day (real smooth, Grayson). Also, Parker figures out Kim's secret—and back at the office a musician gets sued because somebody out there thinks her lyrics are inspiring fans to attempt murder. Finally, a woman refuses to save her own life by undergoing surgery to remove a tumor because her brain cancer has somehow made her brilliant. Not brilliant enough to save her own life, apparently!
SEASON 6 FINALE, 10pm, Lifetime
In the sixth season finale, "Onward," the troops return to Afghanistan while rumors start circulating that Fort Marshall will soon merge with a local Air Force base. Also, Kevin encounters a medical breakthrough, Joan makes a life-changing choice regarding her career, and Nicole and Charlie think about adoption.
SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, TLC
I'm usually not a huge fan of TLC's attempt at cultural programming because it seems far more exploitative than educational, but this one intrigues me enough to suggest you check it out. The series follows five young Amish and Mennonite women and men who are considering leaving their family, friends—and pretty much everything they know about the world—behind for new lives in New York City. Why they wouldn't consider starting fresh in, say, a far less culturally shocking suburb, I don't know... but I guess it doesn't make for good TV when you're following a group of people who make sensible choices.
SEASON FINALE, 10:30pm, Showtime
In "Electile Dysfunction" Fiona finally manages to curb Newell's OCD, but fails to work the same kind of magic on Robin—and as a result Robin royally screws over Kip's campaign. After all that, Haley and Jerome have a special surprise for Fiona, but it might be overshadowed by Fiona's shocking discovery that Austen might be hiding a significant other.
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
Big Brother, 8 p.m., CBS
Broadway or Bust, SERIES PREMIERE, 8 p.m., PBS
Cupcake Wars, 8 p.m., Food
Leverage, 8 p.m., TNT
Off the Hook: Extreme Catches, 8 p.m., Animal Planet
Survivorman Ten Days, 8 p.m., Discovery
Women on Death Row, 8 p.m., Bio
Bar Rescue, 9 p.m., Spike
Great Barrier Reef, SPECIAL, 9 p.m., Animal Planet
Hell on Wheels, 9 p.m., AMC
Ice Road Truckers, 9 p.m., History
Keeping Up With the Kardashians, 9 p.m., E!
Long Island Medium, SEASON 3 PREMIERE, 9 p.m., TLC
Masterpiece Mystery!, 9 p.m., PBS
Nail Files, 9 p.m., TV Guide
One Car Too Far, 9 p.m., Discovery
Oprah's Next Chapter, 9 p.m., OWN
Sins & Secrets, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Snapped, 9 p.m., Oxygen
The Great Food Truck Race, 9 p.m., Food
All American Handyman, 10 p.m., HGTV
Army Wives, 10 p.m., Lifetime
Breaking Amish, 10 p.m., TLC
Bridezillas, 10 p.m., WE
Copper, 10 p.m., BBC America
Flip Men, 10 p.m., Spike
I Survived, 10 p.m., Bio
Lovetown, USA, 10 p.m., OWN
Married to Jonas, 10 p.m., E!
9/11: Voices From the Air, 10 p.m., NatGeo
The Real Housewives of New Jersey, 10 p.m., Bravo
Unusual Suspects, SEASON PREMIERE, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Weeds, 10 p.m., Showtime
Web Therapy, SEASON 1 FINALE, 10:30 p.m., Showtime
What are you watching this weekend?