Grown-up nerds unite! Between supernatural soaps, animation for adults, Shark Week, and more sci-fi than you can shake a space bone at (sci-fi version of a stick), this weekend's schedule is filled to the brim with nerdery! Let's do this!
What to watch on Friday, July 29...
SERIES PREMIERE, 8pm, Cartoon Network
All your wishing, hoping, and praying pays off tonight as ThunderCats returns to television with an all-new animated reboot. Tonight's double-dose premiere concerns Prince Lion-O's clash with Mumm-Ra, plus a dastardly betrayal within the Cat Kingdom that gives Mumm-Ra at an advantage. Just like old times!
Torchwood: Miracle Day
After leading the charge against PhiCorp (and engaging in tons of not-at-all-gratuitous sex scenes), the team relocates to California, plus Jilly and Oswald must face an enemy of their own. Hopefully Bill Pullman will bust out an awesome speech for the occasion!
The town's docks start attacking the citizens, obviously. Plus, Audrey Parker 2.0 investigates Audrey Parker 1.0. Or is it the other way around?? We may never find out. Just kidding, this isn't Lost. Or IS it? #ultimatetwist
SERIES PREMIERE, 11 & 11:30pm, G4
Marvel Anime: Iron Man
Marvel Anime: Wolverine
If superhero exhaustion hasn't yet set in for you, tonight G4's got a double-premiere of brand new anime shows based on some of your favorite Marvel properties (Anime X-Men and Anime Blade are also on the way). Both series will run for 12 episodes and are entirely animated and produced by industrious, hard working Japanese men and women for your viewing pleasure. Iron Man's pilot hinges on Tony Stark's unretirement when his successor can't quite get it together. Wolverine's premiere centers on his trip to Japan to rescue his kidnapped girlfriend.
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
Flashpoint, 8 p.m., CBS
Platinum Hit, 8 p.m., Bravo
Dateline NBC, 9 p.m., NBC
Primetime: What Would You Do?, 9 p.m., ABC
Whale Wars, 9 p.m., Animal Planet
20/20, 10 p.m., ABC
Deadly Women, SEASON 5 PREMIERE, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Real Time with Bill Maher, 10 p.m., HBO
Rhett & Link: Commercial Kings, 10 p.m., IFC
The Soup, 10 p.m., E!
Hard Rock Calling 2011, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 11 p.m., VH1
John Pinette: Still Hungry, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 11 p.m., Comedy Central
What to watch on Saturday, July 30...
When Tori and the gang get themselves arrested and thrown into a foreign prison, their only hope for release is to put on a super rockin' performance to melt the warden's heart. (Not kidding.)
10 & 10:30pm, Discovery Fit & Health
Among the horrifying and/or hilarious maladies befalling folks tonight: A haberdasher stitches her thumb to a shoe, a boy melts his pants clean off with only a sparkler, a man's foot is crushed by a falling toilet, a vet is attacked by an angry cat (mid-neuter), someone accidentally fries his eyes while cooking dinner, and a man gets gored by a cow (?).
ORIGINAL MOVIE, 9pm, Syfy
Age of Dragons
Age of Dragons stars Danny Glover, it's a remake of Moby Dick but with dragons, and it's a Syfy Original movie. What did you expect, something that is NOT those things? Get real! P.S. I'm recappin' this one, ya'll—keep an eye out!
Celebrity Ghost Stories
If you were a ghost, wouldn't YOU want to hang out with Keshia Knight Pulliam? I bet she does tons of cool stuff, like clip coupons and Google herself. Or maybe you'd be the kind of ghost who would rather hang out with Ming-Na or Chi McBride while they leave voicemails for their agents? Haunting any of them would be pretty cool, I guess. I mean, it's not like ghosts have anything to do most of the time. Well, tonight all the aforementioned celebrities will regale us with their best spectral stories!
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
Dogs 101, 8 p.m., Animal Planet
Nick & Vanessa's Dream Wedding, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 9 p.m., TLC
Outcasts, 9 p.m., BBC America
Pit Boss XL, 9 p.m., Animal Planet
Suze Orman Show, 9 p.m., CNBC
Celebrity Close Calls, 10 p.m., Biography
Graham Norton Show, 10 p.m., BBC America
Pit Boss, 10 p.m., Animal Planet
What to watch on Sunday, July 31...
SHARK WEEK PREMIERE, 9pm, Discovery
Great White Invasion
Happy Shark Week, everybody!! The ocean's most misunderstood murderers finally get their annual weekly spotlight starting TONIGHT—and it's all hosted by none other than SNL's Andy Samberg! (Uh oh, be careful Andy, sharks HATE dick jokes.) Kicking things off is this special about all the Great White sightings near the world's most popular beaches. I don't know how I feel about all this alarmist anti-shark propaganda, they're all God's creatu—OUCH MY ARMS ARE MISSING!!
It's a full moon over Bon Temps and Jason finds himself in a were-panther predicament, plus Eric and Bill finally tussle, Lafayette gets into some brujo business in Mexico, and Marnie continues getting in touch with her inner witch. Ugh, talk about TV by the numbers, you know?
Jesse's nightmare party palace starts really getting out of control, Skyler enlists Saul for her own purposes, plus Marie gets back into her favorite hobby. Oh, and Gus continues being the awesomest person on the planet, whether or not he even shows up!
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry's battles with society and existentialism continue when he decides to challenge a commonly held rule of dating and also comes to regret making concessions to his workplace neighbor. Plus Jeff tries to float a terrible lie in order to get out of a dinner engagement and Susie's totally cool with it. Just kidding, she probably drops the F-bomb a ton.
The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All
Hey Bentley, long time no cringe! You guys, Ashley's about to bestow her final rose, so let's finally (FINALLY) hear from the fellas about all their grievances and issues. I'm sure Ashley can handle it.
ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 10pm, Animal Planet
Heidi Fleiss: Prostitutes to Parrots
Animal Planet's been really killing it lately with original specials. That Drug Kingpin Hippos one was really something special and now we've got this profile of the former "Hollywood Madam" and her menagerie of exotic birds. Sure, why not?
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
60 Minutes, 7 p.m., CBS
Dateline NBC, 7 p.m., NBC
Big Brother, 8 p.m., CBS
Season 25: Oprah Behind the Scenes, 8 p.m., OWN
American Ninja Warrior, SEASON 3 PREMIERE, 9 & 10 p.m., G4
Bridezillas, 9 p.m., WE
Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, 9 p.m., VH1
Drop Dead Diva, 9 p.m., Lifetime
Food Network Star, 9 p.m., Food Network
Hoarding: Buried Alive, 9 p.m., TLC
Leverage, 9 p.m., TNT
Masterpiece Mystery!, 9 p.m., PBS
Same Name: Kathy Griffin, 9 p.m., CBS
The Glee Project, 9 p.m., Oxygen
Against the Wall, SERIES PREMIERE, 10 p.m., Lifetime
Behind the Music: Enrique Iglesias, 10 p.m., VH1
Falling Skies, 10 p.m., TNT
In Plain Sight, 10 p.m., USA
Jaws Comes Home, SHARK WEEK SPECIAL, 10 p.m., Discovery
Keeping Up With the Kardashians, 10 p.m., E!
Marriage Ref, 10 p.m., NBC
My Strange Addiction, 10 & 10:30 p.m., TLC
Real Housewives of New Jersey, 10 p.m., Bravo
Ryan & Tatum: The O'Neals, 10 p.m., OWN
The Glades, 10 p.m., A&E;
The Real L Word, SEASON 2 FINALE, 10 p.m., Showtime
Top Gear, 10 p.m., History
Entourage, 10:30 p.m., HBO
Ice Loves Coco, 10:30 p.m., E!
Mongo Wrestling Alliance, 12:15 a.m., Cartoon Network
What are you watching this weekend?