What to Watch This Weekend: The Newsroom, Falling Skies, and Syfy's Arachnoquake

Whoa, hey, get off that water slide, the weekend isn't hasn't started yet! Haha just kidding, it has. Get back on that water slide, you rascal. And when you are all finished with your water-slide adventures, check out these TV shows:

What to watch on Friday, June 22...

9pm, Nickelodeon
Hollywood Heights
This weird nightly Nick at Nite telenovela continues tonight with "Eddie Decides to Take the Next Step" in which Eddie decides to take the next step. Meanwhile Melissa attempts to cheer up Loren over her song entry and Chloe deals with Eddie when he decides to take the next step.

9pm, HBO
The Ricky Gervais Show
Tonight's occasionally hilarious banter-fest touches on such topics as the laws of society; Karl's ideas of being in charge; and how Karl would have reacted if he'd been on Rosa Parks' fateful bus ride back in 1955. Because that's very much anyone's guess.

10pm, USA
Common Law
In "Performance Anxiety," the bros stress out over whether they'll meet an important crime-fighting milestone. Meanwhile two criminals emulate Bonnie and Clyde! Well, probably the earlier days of Bonnie and Clyde, anyway.

America's Most Wanted, 9 p.m., Lifetime
Dateline NBC, 9 p.m., NBC
Deadly Seas, 9 p.m., Discovery
Phineas and Ferb, 9 p.m., Disney
Primetime: What Would You Do?, 9 p.m., ABC
Tyler Perry's House of Payne, 9 p.m., TBS
Whale Wars, 9 p.m., Animal Planet
20/20, 10 p.m., ABC
Comedy Bang! Bang!, 10 p.m., IFC
Don Friesen: Ask Your Mom, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 10 p.m., Showtime
Embarrassing Bodies, 10 p.m., Discovery Fit & Health
Evil, I, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Flying Wild Alaska, 10 p.m., Discovery
Insane or Inspired?, 10 p.m., Syfy
Real Time with Bill Maher, 10 p.m., HBO
Bunk, 10:30 p.m., IFC

Anthony Mackie on The Wendy Williams Show, 12 a.m., BET
Chris Pine & Rachel Ray on Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:34 p.m., NBC
Denis Leary & Emily Mortimer on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37 a.m., NBC
Mark Wahlberg on Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS

What to watch on Saturday, June 23...

ORIGINAL MOVIE, 8pm, Lifetime
Yes, it's spelled that way. It's a screenname or something, I don't know. Anyway, this Lifetime Original tells the tale of a middle-aged father who creates an online identity to romance an 18-year-old girl. Things start going badly when some dude ends up getting murdered because of it! (100 percent of anonymous online romances end in murder, just FYI).

Oddities: San Francisco
Science's highly watchable reality series Oddities gets its first spin-off tonight with Oddities: San Francisco. Meet the proprietors of Obscura Antiques! In tonight's opener, a patron enacts a troubling visual pun as a "pin-up girl" and elsewhere the shopkeepers attempt to track down a rare object on behalf of an organ grinder. Aren't nightmares so whimsical?

I probably don't need to tell you this, but Arachnoquake entails an earthquake that releases giant spiders into the world. Right now you're like, "Duh. Nobody needs to explain to me what an arachnoquake is." Well, Mr. and/or Mrs. Smartypants, do you want know WHERE said arachnoquake occurs? Try New Orleans. BOOM. You just got informed.

Ivory Wars, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 8 p.m., Discovery
How to Be a Gentleman, 8:30 p.m., CBS
Celebrity Ghost Stories, 9 p.m., Biography
Tanked: Unfiltered, 9 p.m., Animal Planet
The Suze Orman Show, 9 p.m., CNBC
48 Hours Mystery, 10 p.m., CBS
Dog the Bounty Hunter, 10 p.m., A&E;
Serial Killer Earth, 10 p.m., H2
StandUp in Stilettos, SERIES PREMIERE, 10 p.m., TV Guide Network
The Firm, 10 p.m., NBC
Hooters International Swimsuit Pageant 2012, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 11 p.m., FX
The Graham Norton Show, 11 p.m., BBC America
CC Stand-Up: The Bonnaroo Experience, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 11:30 p.m., Comedy Central
The Thick of It, 12 a.m., BBC America
Katy Brand's Big Ass Show, 12:40 a.m., BBC America

What to watch on Sunday, June 24...

9pm, TNT
Falling Skies
In "Compass," the unit attempts to relocate to an airport hanger but certain members of the crew face health problems because of it. Meanwhile the Berserkers scheme against Tom and a mysterious guest brings everybody hope. (Personally, I'd take pizza over hope any day, but that's just me.)

9pm, A&E;
The Glades
Tonight Jim and Carlos must infiltrate a nudist colony after a dead naked lady is discovered nearby. Meanwhile Jennifer begins to take a personal interest in Jim. Although, is anybody not taking a personal interest in Jim these days?

9pm, HBO
True Blood
The death of Debbie Pelt continues to have repercussions in Bon Temps when her parents arrive asking questions. Meanwhile the Authority continues to consider Bill and Eric's offer to hunt down Russell Edgington, and Jason reunites with one of his high school teachers. Job well done, high school teacher!

The Great Escape
The producers of The Amazing Race bring us this new variation on the reality/adventure format: Teams of everyday folks must escape from famous locations while dodging obstacles and pursuers along the way. Tonight's first location? No less than ALCATRAZ. (Is Hurley still chillin' there?)

The Newsroom
Aaron Sorkin's newest behind-the-scenes dramedy premieres tonight with "We Just Decided To," in which a cable news anchor (Jeff Daniels) goes off-script into a public meltdown and a lot of his staff quits. Will the news show recover? And more importantly, will tons of sanctimonious speeches be given? Tune in!

SEASON 9 PREMIERE, 12am, Cartoon Network
Aqua Something You Know Whatever
Haha that title. Well, tonight the Aqua etc. show gets its third title, but let's be real, this is Season 9. Tonight's installment is entitled "Big Bro," but the lack of Adult Swim-provided episode description probably doesn't matter much. If you've seen this show before you know pretty much what you're getting. Laughter!

60 Minutes, 7 p.m., CBS
Dateline NBC, 8 p.m., NBC
Mob Wives Chicago, 9 p.m., VH1
AFI Life Achievement Award 2012: Shirley MacLaine, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 9 p.m., TV Land
American Ninja Warrior, 9 p.m., G4
Drop Dead Diva, 9 p.m., Lifetime
Food Network Star, 9 p.m., Food Network
Ice Road Truckers, 9 p.m., History
Keeping Up with the Kardashians, 9 p.m., E!
Nick News with Linda Ellerbee, 9 p.m., Nickelodeon
Nightmare Next Door, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Sister Wives, 9 p.m., TLC
The Real Housewives of New Jersey, 9 p.m., Bravo
Army Wives, 10 p.m., Lifetime
Bridezillas, 10 p.m., WE
Head Games, 10 p.m., Discovery
Longmire, 10 p.m., A&E;
Mrs. Eastwood & Company, 10 p.m., E!
Metalocalypse!, 12:15 a.m., Cartoon Network
The Eric Andre Show, 12:30 a.m., Cartoon Network

What are you watching this weekend?

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