What to watch on Friday, March 22...
MARATHON, 8pm, MTV
The Real World: New York
What happens when MTV stops being polite and starts devoting the weekend to entire seasons of one of the seminal shows of the modern reality TV era? Find out by tuning in for all seven and a half hours of the mothership, Season 1, in all its baggy-clothed early-'90s glory. Marathons of other seasons will air Saturday and Sunday (see below) in preparation for Wednesday’s premiere of The Real World: Portland.
SEASON 2 FINALE, 8pm, ABC
Last Man Standing
And hey, speaking of 1990s nostalgia (no, you haven’t been accidentally redirected to BuzzFeed), here comes Jonathan Taylor Thomas to help erstwhile TV dad Tim Allen wrap up the sophomore season of his current sitcom with “College Girl.” JTT plays an old friend of Mandy’s who now runs a hip restaurant, perhaps one reminiscent of The Peach Pit or The Max.
9pm, The CW
Having established itself as a sober and incisive examination of fan culture in 199... er, I mean, in 2013, Cult takes on the world of cosplay in “The Kiss.” Jeff gets wind of a transpirin’ at a Cult fan costume party, where he and Skye encounter danger.
An eerie new Wesen feeds off its victims’ tears, and Nick and Hank must put a stop to it before the next new episode of Parenthood serves that thing a damn buffet. Meanwhile in “Mr. Sandman,” Adalind comes to grips with her new situation, and Rosalee helps Juliette address her memory woes.
Spartacus: War of the Damned
“Separate Paths” sees both camps riven by strategic disagreement. As Spartacus and Crixus realize their respective goals are irreconcilable, Tiberius and Caesar find themselves at even bitterer loggerheads.
– Don Cheadle, Wynonna Judd, and Wiz Khalifa and Akon on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Highlights from earlier in the week on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Kevin Bacon, Elizabeth Mitchell, Gary Dell’Abate, and Sigur Ros on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
MARATHON, 2pm, MTV
The Real World: Las Vegas
By 2002, The Real World was about far more than sociological exploration and unguarded reckoning with the tumultuous values of Generation X. It was about #@*^%-ing! (And TV.com is no stranger to curse words, so if whatever that word was got bleeped, you know it must be dirty.) Such is the ethos of Season 12’s sojourn to Sin City, all 14 hours of it.
The 26th Annual Kids Choice Awards
The kids today flip for Josh Duhamel’s work on NBC’s mid-2000s drama Las Vegas, which is surely why he's been tapped to host the yearly celebration of the best in youth-oriented entertainment. Pitbull and Ke$ha are scheduled to perform, Neil Patrick Harris and Steve Carell are among the presenters, and everyone will get green slimed. (That’s still a thing, right? Green slime? On Nickelodeon? Good lord I feel old.)
Chupacabra vs. The Alamo
Hello, friends. Welcome to another pulse-pounding edition of What to Watch Saturday Night Roulette. Let’s give the wheel a spin and see where she lands. Aaaaannd the winner is... Syfy, home of the absolute finest humongous-monster-apocalypse cinema three hundred bucks can buy! Join CHiPs veteran Erik Estrada as he climbs back into the motorcycle saddle to defend Texas’s famous redoubt against the vampiric ungulate of Latin American legend.
SNEAK PEEK, 9:30pm, Nickelodeon
Monsters vs. Aliens
Based on DreamWorks’ 2009 movie, this new animated series (which makes its regular debut on April 6) follows the misadventures of a motley crew of other-than-human world defenders. In “Welcome to Area Fifty-Something,” an alien (presumably one of the non-world-defending variety) imprisons the American president.
WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING ON SATURDAY?
What to watch on Sunday, March 24...
MARATHON, 8am, MTV
The Real World: San Francisco
Cap off your weekend in the Wayback Machine with 1994’s third season, the edition that made The Real World a bona fide pop culture smash. Revisit Puck, Pedro, and all your old favorites in the City by the Bay for 10 and a half flannel-clad hours.
In “Mission,” part four of the five-part miniseries, Jesus resurrects Lazarus. I’m a little fuzzy on this particular story; does anyone recall if He did it with a Kickstarter, or through Netflix?
Once Upon a Time
Mary Margaret ventures out on a quest of self-reflection in “Selfless, Brave, and True.” In the process she stumbles upon a hiding August, who has reverted to wooden form, and she does her damndest not to make a pun about him “splintering off” from the group. The pre-curse days show August receiving a tempting but risky offer, while back in Storybrooke, Neal stuns Emma by inviting Tamara to town.
The Belchers are going to Florida! While visiting her mom in “It Snakes A Village,” Linda is flabbergasted to learn that mama's retirement community is a hotbed of swinging senior sexytimes. Of course, when two of those seniors are played by Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman, should anyone be surprised? The kids, meanwhile, go hunting for an alleged dog-gobbling python.
The Good Wife
In the Good Wife Universe, Walter Bishop is an especially litigious client of Alicia Florrick’s who gets bumped off in “Death of a Client.” (Okay, technically guest-star John Noble is, but all you Fringe Fanatics can pretend for a week.) Also returning to the mix in this episode: Matthew Perry’s Mike Kresteva, as he and Peter gear up for the gubernatorial race by targeting a key endorsement.
The Walking Dead
The Governor is ready to talk turkey in “This Sorrowful Life,” but peace comes with conditions for Rick and the gang. Condition #1: Unquestioning surrender and obeisance to the iron-fisted supremacy of The Governor. Condition #2: A jar of Hershel’s scrumptious homemade raspberry jam.
Fort Marshall is stunned by news of an explosion in Afghanistan, while Joan receives additional surprising news in the form of her new orders in “Blowback.” Meanwhile, watching David and Sara Elizabeth proves to be a challenge for Denise, Jackie frets about Kevin’s hasteful return to combat, and Latasha, Maggie, and Denise bond over the patch of trouble their boys get into.
Enjoying a stable home life, getting into a groove at her new job, yessir, everything is comin’ up Fiona these days, and nothing could possibly wait hang on yep Jimmy’s gonna crap it all up. Elsewhere in “Civil Wrongs,” Frank relishes his new fame as the face of the gay rights movement—even more so when he finds a way to squeeze some profit out of it.
Al Pacino stars as the iconic music producer and Helen Mirren is Linda Kenney Baden, Spector's defense attorney during his 2007 murder trial, in this fictionalized tale scripted by fellow artistic legend/weird old crank David Mamet. Also starring an array of wigs created by Industrial Light & Magic.
WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING ON SUNDAY?
And now, let’s all vote to crown the What to Watch Tonight Episode Title of the Week!