Well, that was the longest week in the history of recorded time, but we made it anyway! It's a holiday miracle! Please promise us you'll do as little as possible this weekend, up to and including watching television. However, if you MUST turn on the tube, you can't go too wrong with any of these fine selections:
What to watch on Friday, December 23...
In "Chuck Versus the Santa Suit", metaphorical (or are they?) ghosts haunt Chuck and Sarah while they track down a "scrooge"-like baron of industry. Meanwhile, more of Ellie's plans get ruined and the Buy More faces the threat of a computer virus. That is so many things! Good luck, you guys, and Merry Christmas.
SERIES PREMIERE, 8pm, BBC America
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
The long-running and insanely dorky NPR quiz show arrives on the boob tube tonight when panelists Paula Poundstone, Alonzo Bodden, Phill Jupitus, and special guest Nail Gaiman trade quips and answer quiz questions based on the news stories of 2011. Happy holidays to you too, guys.
HOLIDAY SPECIAL, 12am, Cartoon Network
Tim & Eric Chrimbus Special
Make sure your Chrimbus bush is trimmed and wet, 'cause the Winterman's a comin'! Please enjoy this rerun of the 2010 Tim & Eric Chrimbus Special featuring an adorable creature named DeeVee, original songs, and a studio audience comprised only of middle-aged men. Hooray for Chrimbus!
Darlene Love on Late Show with David Letterman
For my money, one of TV's greatest annual holiday traditions is the Late Show's final broadcast before Christmas, during which Dave invites the legendary Darlene Love to perform his favorite Christmas song, "Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)." Not only is it seriously the best song, but Dave is the best, and everything about this is the best.
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
Olive, the Other Reindeer, HOLIDAY SPECIAL, 8 p.m., CW
Shrek the Halls, HOLIDAY SPECIAL, 8 p.m., ABC
The Search for Santa Paws, HOLIDAY MOVIE, 8 p.m., Disney
Phineas and Ferb, HOLIDAY SPECIAL, 8:30 p.m., ABC
America's Most Wanted, 9 p.m., Lifetime
Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer, HOLIDAY SPECIAL, 9 p.m., CW
Prep & Landing 2: Naughty & Nice, HOLIDAY SPECIAL, 9 p.m., ABC
The Life and Times of Tim, 9 p.m., HBO
Kung Fu Panda Holiday Special, HOLIDAY SPECIAL, 9:30 p.m., ABC
20/20, 10 p.m., ABC
Dateline NBC, 10 p.m., NBC
Invention USA, 10 p.m., History
Sanctuary, 10 p.m., Syfy
Tyler Perry's For Better or Worse, 10 p.m., TBS
Marvel Anime: X-Men, 11 p.m., G4
Starving Secrets with Tracey Gold, 11 P.M., Lifetime
What to watch on Saturday, December 24...
Austin City Limits: Tom Waits
All right, so this is from 1978, but still: Tom Waits! Put on this special, pull up a chair beside your raspiest uncle, and enjoy these classic Waits renditions of "Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis," "I Wish I Was in New Orleans," and "On the Nickel."
HOLIDAY CLASSIC, 8pm, NBC
It's a Wonderful Life
This is just some movie that a lot of people watch every year. It's about angels and regret, basically. Also the lead actor does a pretty good Jimmy Stewart impression, so that's pretty cool.
ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 9pm, BBC America
The Nerdist: Year in Review
Popular podcaster, Dead talker, and my former downstairs neighbor (true story!) Chris Hardwick hosts another installment of his Nerdist talk show, this time providing a humorous retrospective of all the key happenings of 2011. To watch this thing is to be entertained, count on it!
HOLIDAY SPECIAL, 11:30pm, NBC
Christmas Eve at St. Peter's Basilica in Rome
For those of you who are religious yet hate leaving the house, or perhaps if you want some kind of official Christmas-themed thing to play loudly on your television while you transport presents from the trunk of your car to beneath the tree, here's this. It's basically a showcase for a Capella songs and grown men dressed in fabulous robes.
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
The Sound of Music, HOLIDAY CLASSIC, 7 p.m., ABC
Doctor Who: Best of the Christmas Specials, 8 p.m., BBC America
Suze Orman Show, 9 p.m., CNBC
48 Hours Mystery, 10 p.m., CBS
Graham Norton Show, 10 p.m., BBC America
Would You Rather? With Graham Norton, 11 p.m., BBC America
Christmas in Chelsea Square, HOLIDAY SPECIAL, 11:35 p.m., CBS
What to watch on Sunday, December 25...
9pm, BBC America
Fans of Doctor Who know it has a reputation for outdoing itself with its Christmas specials, and "The Doctor, the Widow, and the Wardrobe" should be no exception. The story centers on two children in the 1940s who stumble upon something slightly creepy, plus the sassy, dapper doc who leads them through an adventure.
Tonight the gang attempts to find the missing wife of a noted philanthropist, only to find themselves caught in the middle of an elaborate crime ring. Oh come on, couldn't you guys just go caroling or something?
MARATHON, 9am - 5am, Science
Firely may not seem like the most Christmas-relevant series out there, but... but nothing, it's not very Christmas-relevant. But who cares?! Today and tonight Science airs the entire series back to back, so consider this the best reason yet to hide from your family!
MARATHON, 12am - 8pm, TBS
A Christmas Story
Here's another holiday classic that tends to air a lot around this time of year. It involves a boy's quest to obtain some kind of BB gun. Who knows, nobody's ever seen it. Happy holidays, you guys!!! Don't O.D. on egg nog or chocolate coins or beef jerky or whatever!
PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
Today, HOLIDAY COVERAGE, 8 a.m., NBC
Disney Parks Christmas Day Parade, HOLIDAY SPECIAL, 12 p.m., ABC
60 Minutes, 7 p.m., CBS
How the Grinch Stole Christmas, HOLIDAY SPECIAL, 8 p.m., ABC
What are you watching this weekend? And also Merry Christmas!