What to Watch This Weekend: Touch's Bonus Episode, SNL, and the Weeds Finale

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The weekend cometh!! And so do a few premieres!! And a couple of finales!! It's all very exciting, you see. Because it's just the beginning and it only gets better from here. But let's not get too ahead of ourselves. Let's, instead, take a look at this weekend's TV line-up:

What to watch on Friday, September 14...

SEASON PREMIERE, 8pm, ABC
Shark Tank
Future entrepreneurs take note: the only show might actually teach you something about how to pitch an idea to a group of investors is back for a fourth season, and this time it's a full 22-episodes long. In tonight's premiere, the investors (aka "sharks") will be presented with a ticketless coat-checking business plan, a beverage holding belt buckle, and a possible solution to our country's bedbug epidemic. Shark Tank: solving America's problems one idea at a time, right? DOWN WITH BEDBUGS!

8pm, Fox
Touch
Fox is calling this a "bonus episode" because the actual second season doesn't start up until late October, but if you're itching for a tease this could be the perfect way to get your fix. In "The Road Not Taken," which is being credited as the thirteenth episode in Season 1, Martin's car breaks down in the very town where his reporting career first took off. When he runs into an old friend, his old mentor, he begins to suspect that this guy is up to something sheepish and he'll risk his friendship to find out what that is.

SEASON 2 FINALE, 10pm, Syfy
Lost Girl
It's the final battle tonight, which is fitting considering it's the final episode of the season. In "Flesh and Blood" Bo will be forced to take on her enemy alongside Dyson and the rest of her Fae cohorts. But with Bo and Dyson both having been told that they're the Fae's only hope, who will truly have to step forward to fend off the Garuda?

PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
America's Next Top Model, 8 p.m., The CW
Boss, 8 p.m., Starz
North Woods Law: On the Hunt, 8 p.m., Animal Planet
WWE Friday Night Smackdown!, 8pm, Syfy
America's Most Wanted, 9 p.m., Lifetime
Bering Sea Gold: Under the Ice, 9 p.m., Discovery
Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team, 9 p.m., CMT
Ghost Adventures, SEASON PREMIERE, 9 p.m., Travel
Million Dollar Rooms, 9 p.m., HGTV
Primetime: What Would You Do?, SEASON PREMIERE, 9 p.m., ABC
Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta, 9pm, TLC
The Ultimate Fighter, SEASON PREMIERE, 9 p.m., FX
Tyler Perry's For Better or Worse, 9 p.m., TBS
20/20, 10 p.m., ABC
Cheer, 10 p.m., CMT
Deadly Women, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Eden Eats, 10 p.m., Cooking
Fashion Police, 10 p.m., E!
I Found the Gown, 10 p.m., TLC
Law on the Border, 10 p.m., Animal Planet
Real Time With Bill Maher, 10 p.m., HBO
Yukon Men, 10 p.m., Discovery
House Hunters International, 10:30 p.m., HGTV

LATE-NITE PICKS:
Hugh Laurie, J.J. Abrams and a Grizzly Bear performance on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, 12:37 a.m., CBS
Tom Lennon and Brit Marling on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS



What to watch on Saturday, September 15...

9pm, BBC America
Doctor Who
In "A Town Called Mercy" the Doctor finds himself in a strange Western town under siege by a dangerous cyborg creature. When the town recruits the Doctor to wear the sheriff's badge, he's reluctant... but, let's face it, he's the Doctor—would he really say no?

SEASON PREMIERE, 10pm, OWN
Iyanla, Fix My Life
In Part 1 of a two-part premiere, spiritual life coach Iyanla Vanzant, who might just have the most difficult-to-type name on TV, pays a visit to Basketball Wives reality star Evelyn Lozada. The episode is called "Fix My Reality Star Life," but I'm not sure you need an expert to do that. It seems pretty simple: if you want to fix your life as a reality star, just stop being a reality star. Who needs 'em, amiright?

SEASON 38 PREMIERE, 11:30pm, NBC
Saturday Night Live
The 38th season has finally arrived, giving us all a little something extra to live for whenever we find ourselves friendless and alone on a Saturday night. Or, you know, for those of you who have friends: giving us a little something extra to DVR and watch on Sunday morning while nursing our hangovers. This weekend's premiere welcomes the one and only Seth MacFarlane on the stage, so you'll be guaranteed at least one fart joke followed by an awkwardly lengthy moment of silence. Also, Frank Ocean performs. Rock on, that guy's great.

PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
Celebrity Ghost Stories, 9 p.m., Bio
Dateline: Real Life Mysteries, 9 p.m., TLC
Happily Never After, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
My Fair Wedding With David Tutera: Unveiled, 9 p.m., WE
Tanked, 9 p.m., Animal Planet
The Suze Orman Show, 9 p.m., CNBC
Welcome to Sweetie Pie's: An Extra Slice, 9 p.m., OWN
48 Hours Mystery, 10 p.m., CBS
Deadly Affairs, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
The UneXplained, 10 p.m., Bio



What to watch on Sunday, September 16...

SEASON PREMIERE, 8pm, VH1
Rehab With Dr. Drew
Do you have an addiction for addiction-centric television? Do you break out into a hot sweat whenever these shows go on hiatus? If so, GET READY TO GET YOUR FIX. Dr. Drew is back to star in one of his many media outlets (seriously, does that guy ever sleep?) where he'll help a whole new round of addicts as they struggle to kick their habits.


9pm, TNT

Leverage
I hope you're in the mood for back-to-back Leverage episodes, because that's pretty much exactly what's happening this weekend. In the first, "The Rundown Job," the team will join forces with a colonel to derail a terrorist who plans on launching a biological attack on Washington D.C. That sounds serious! Then, in "The Frame-Up Job" Sophie gets accused of stealing a very pricy painting, which inspires Nate to not only help her clear her name but find out who's behind the real theft.

SEASON 3 PREMIERE, 9pm, HBO
Boardwalk Empire
You can't be half a gangster, right? At least that's what I've been seeing on the billboards all over town. Nucky's back, ya'll! And if you caught last season's finale, then you know that the intensity is ON right now. Season 3 starts off on New Year's Eve 1922... and Gyp Rosetti is a very angry boy, mulling over what to do about Nucky's plans to switch-up his business model. Al Capone isn't having any better luck in Chicago: the Irish mobster Dean O'Banion is riding his nerves and Van Alden is looking for a way to boost his career. Also, Margaret tours a hospital funded by Nucky's fortune, and Gillian keeps a close eye on Richard and Tommy. This show doesn't seem to be wasting any time this season, that's for sure.

10pm, BBC America
Copper
In "La Tempete" Corcoran gets charged with protecting wealthy fund-raiser attendees from a gang of thieves, which doesn't sound fair, right? Speaking of the wealthy, they seem to be the theme this week: this episode's other plot line is centered on a rough-and-tumble gang's plan to flat-out rob some of the wealthiest families in New York City. Hey, guys, why rob them? All you have to do is occupy Zuccotti Park for weeks on end in protest, duh. Down with the 1% and stuff!

SERIES FINALE, 10pm, Showtime
Weeds
Awe, it's a very sad day for Weeds fans. IT'S ALL COMING TO A CLOSE. And after eight seasons, it might be a tough one to part with. What will come of Nancy? And Andy? And Silas? Oh my! Showtime is keeping the finale pretty hush-hush, but I do know one thing: the episode title. Pretty exclusive stuff, right? Anyway, it's called "It's Time," and if I'm playing my cards right, I think it has something to do with "it" being "time." Just watch it, okay?


PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
Alien Deep With Bob Ballard, 8 p.m., NatGeo
Big Brother, 8 p.m., CBS
Broadway or Bust, 8 p.m., PBS
Off the Hook: Extreme Catches, 8 p.m., Animal Planet
Survivorman Top Ten, 8 p.m., Discovery
Women on Death Row, 8 p.m., Bio
Bar Rescue, 9 p.m., Spike
Behind the Music, 9 p.m., VH1
Hell on Wheels, 9 p.m., AMC
Keeping Up With the Kardashians, SEASON FINALE, 9 p.m., E!
Leverage, 9 p.m., TNT
Long Island Medium, 9 p.m., TLC
Masterpiece Mystery!, 9 p.m., PBS
Nail Files, 9 p.m., TV Guide
One Car Too Far, 9 p.m., Discovery
Oprah's Next Chapter, 9 p.m., OWN
Snapped, 10 p.m., Oxygen
The Great Food Truck Race, 9 p.m., Food
All American Handyman, 10 p.m., HGTV
Bridezillas, 10 p.m., WE
Breaking Amish, 10 p.m., TLC
Copper, 10 p.m., BBC America
Flip Men, 10 p.m., Spike
I Survived, 10 p.m., Bio
Ice Road Truckers, 10 p.m., History
Iron Chef America, 10 p.m., Food
Married to Jonas, 10 p.m., E!
The Real Housewives of New Jersey, 10 p.m., Bravo



What are you watching this weekend?