What to Watch This Weekend: True Blood, Mad Men, and Jersey Shore Shark Attack

Time to set up your Slip 'N Slides and plug in your bug zappers: The weekend has arrived! Hopefully you can find a way to bring your TV outside and keep it safe from errant SuperSoaker crossfire, because believe ir or not, there ARE a handful of decent items on. Behold:

What to watch on Friday, June 8...

9pm, USA
Fairly Legal
In "Force Majeure," Justin gets politically risky when he lets Kate pal around with a sexy Brazilian activist. Meanwhile Lauren's crush on a local businessman runs into trouble when she discovers he has secrets. Sexy secrets, you ask? It's anyone's guess.

Comedy Bang! Bang!
Fans of underground, offbeat, or alt- comedy should enjoy this, an IFC talk show version of the long-running Los Angeles live comedy show. Join hosts Scott Aukerman and Reggie Watts as they welcome a bevy of comedy types to their stage. This week: No less than Zach Galifianakis! I mean, you enjoy laughing right?

10pm, USA
Common Law
These two are so mismatched! In "Ex-Factor," Travis' former partner causes trouble for the fellas when they're off trying to stop a ring of car thieves. Also: Tons of handsome banter. (Hanter?)

The second of IFC's new comedy nerd offerings is Bunk, a sort of game show in which comedians take part in ridiculous challenges that may or may not be possible. Tonight: Kumail Nanjiani, Ethan T. Berlin, and Ben Garant attempt to, among other things, shame puppies. Possible!

America's Most Wanted, 9 p.m., Lifetime
Dateline NBC, 9 p.m., NBC
Deadly Seas, 9 p.m., Discovery
Phineas and Ferb, 9 p.m., Disney
Primetime: What Would You Do?, 9 p.m., ABC
The Ricky Gervais Show, 9 p.m., HBO
Tyler Perry's House of Payne, 9 p.m., TBS
Whale Wars, 9 p.m., Animal Planet
20/20, 10 p.m., ABC
Coming Home, 10 p.m., Lifetime
Flying Wild Alaska, 10 p.m., Discovery
Real Time with Bill Maher, 10 p.m., HBO
Storytellers: Norah Jones, 11 p.m., VH1
The Half Hour: Joe Mande & Garfunkel and Oates, 11 p.m., Comedy Central

Ben Stiller on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37 a.m., NBC
Tom Cruise on Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:34 p.m., NBC

What to watch on Saturday, June 9...

SERIES PREMIERE, 8pm, Discovery
Stephen Hawking's Grand Design
One of the coolest men in America (disagree? Let's fight.) brings us this miniseries that seeks to explore some of our most existential questions. In tonight's premiere, Stevie H. will address the nature of reality and the very meaning of life itself. Oh, that old topic?

ORIGINAL MOVIE, 8pm, Lifetime
Who Killed Allison Parks?
No, really, WHO did it? Was it you, reader? Did YOU kill Allison Parks? Anyway, the thing is, Allison Parks is dead and nobody knows who did it. Except, possibly, for the ER nurse who accidentally absorbed her memories while being electrocuted. So, you know, one of you better 'fess up before that ER nurse tracks you down with the help of a hunky detective!

Jersey Shore Shark Attack
Look at the title. Now you know what this is about.

Spike Guys Choice 2012
It's the night we've been waiting for all year: Spike's 6th Annual Guys Choice Awards! FINALLY we'll learn which of us filled out our Spike's Guys Choice Awards office ballots the best! Was it Carl in IT or Marjorie in Accounting? A lot's riding on this one, you guys. Anyway, some of the celebrities appearing tonight include Adam Sandler, Emma Stone, Jeremy Renner, Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, and Seth MacFarlane. (I HOPE they'll mention Ted! Oh, please let them mention Ted.)

iCarly, 8 p.m., Nickelodeon
How to Be a Gentleman, 8:30 p.m., CBS
Victorious, 8:30 p.m., Nickelodeon
Suze Orman Show, 9 p.m., CNBC
Tanked, 9 p.m., Animal Planet
48 Hours Mystery, 10 p.m., CBS
Dog the Bounty Hunter, 10 p.m., A&E;
Real Life: The Musical, SERIES PREMIERE, 10 p.m., OWN
Flipped Off, 11 p.m., A&E;
The Graham Norton Show, 11 p.m., BBC America
The Thick of It, 12 a.m., BBC America
Katy Brand's Big Ass Show, 12:40 a.m., BBC America

What to watch on Sunday, June 10...

Tony Awards 2012
We get it, you know everything about musical theater. You somehow managed to see every new Broadway show this year even though you live in Toledo. The good news for you is tonight's the one night of the year where you'll actually feel appreciated! Join host Neil Patrick Harris as statuettes will be distributed among the best and brightest that Broadway offered up this year, plus performances from the casts of all your favorite shows. All of them were your favorite, right? I don't know.

9pm, A&E;
The Glades
Few things are as whimsical as a corpse in a costume, so it looks like Jim'll be having a whale of a time when a dead mermaid washes up on the beach! (Just kidding, that sounds simply awful.) Meanwhile Callie's STILL looking for a job. Hang in there, girl.

True Blood
Okay here we go! The true centerpiece of summer Sundays. In True Blood's Season 5 premiere, "Turn! Turn! Turn!," Sookie and Lafayette deal with the aftermath of Tara's shooting and the disposal of Debbie Pelt's body. Also: Bill and Eric deal with the Authority; Jessica falls in with a rough crowd; Jason isn't thrilled to see Rev. Newlin again; plus Alcide spreads the word about Russell Edgington's return. That's a lot of things! Can't wait.

Mad Men
Another solid season draws to a close tonight with "The Phantom," in which all our favorite characters navigate some interesting opportunities. Meanwhile Pete has a notable run-in with a stranger on a train. Be careful, guy.

Another decidedly grown-up series wraps up its season tonight: "Tears" has most of the characters scrambling after a gubernatorial candidate objects to Selina's endorsement. Meanwhile the whole clean-jobs issue becomes a full-blown debacle as it possibly becomes the subject of a Congressional hearing. We've all been there, am I right?

10:30pm, HBO
Among the many issues the titular ladies deal with tonight: Hannah struggles to not be jealous of a rival's literary success; Jessa gets a visit from her old boss; and Shoshanna decides to go on a date with someone she met online. Everything will go according to plan, obviously.

60 Minutes, 7 p.m., CBS
Dateline NBC, 7 p.m., NBC
Little People, Big World: Amy's 50th, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 8 p.m., TLC
Secret Millionaire, SEASON 3 PREMIERE, 8 p.m., ABC
American Ninja Warrior, 9 p.m., G4
Drop Dead Diva, 9 p.m., Lifetime
Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition, 9 p.m., ABC
Food Network Star, 9 p.m., Food Network
Ice Road Truckers, 9 p.m., History
Keeping Up with the Kardashians, 9 p.m., E!
MythBusters, 9 p.m., Discovery
Nurse Jackie, 9 p.m., Showtime
Oprah's Next Chapter: Paris Jackson, 9 p.m., OWN
Sister Wives, 9 p.m., TLC
The Killing, 9 p.m., AMC
The Big C, 9:30 p.m., Showtime
Bridezillas, SEASON 9 PREMIERE, 10 p.m., WE
Head Games, 10 p.m., Discovery
Longmire, 10 p.m., A&E;
Mrs. Eastwood & Company, 10 p.m., E!
Real Housewives of New Jersey, 10 p.m., Bravo
The Borgias, 10 p.m., Showtime
The Client List, 10 p.m., Lifetime
The Pitch, 11 p.m., AMC
Metalocalypse!, 12:15 a.m., Cartoon Network
The Eric Andre Show, 12:30 a.m., Cartoon Network

What are you watching this weekend?

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