What to watch on Tuesday, May 22...
Tuesday? Who's day? Your day. That was a poem I've just written about the wonderful, once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon known as TODAY. Now please enjoy tonight's most watchable items:
PERFORMANCE FINALE, 8pm, Fox
Here they go! Phillip Phillips and Jessica Sanchez will sing their hearts out tonight for YOUR votes. Whom will you crown the Season 11 winner? And whom will you banish to a low-level position at Del Taco? Choose wisely!
SEASON 14 FINALE, 9pm, ABC
Dancing With the Stars
As your mom is already aware, tonight's the climactic episode of Dancing With the Stars! If you don't tune in, you won't get to see the finalists (three randoms named William Levy, Katherine Jenkins, and Donald Driver) all shake their various moneymakers for a shot at the title! But it's probably fine if you don't, your mom can always fill you in later.
SEASON 3 FINALE, 9pm, Fox
Following their triumph at Nationals, tonight the kids of McKinley High will find themselves in a more poignant mood as they bid farewell to a handful of the graduating senior lead characters. While it's still unclear just how much Rachel, Finn, Quinn, and company will be included in Season 3, one thing's for sure: Their auto-tuned scream-singing will live on forever.
True Life: I'm Breaking Up With My Best Friend
Tonight one of MTV's most consistently respectable shows tackles an issue we've all had to deal with: Friendship breakups. Who knows? Maybe it'll cause you to reconsider your relationships with the underminers in your life, or conversely, it'll make you pick up the phone and resolve things with the best friend with whom you fell out Sophomore year of college? Personally I will NEVER call my former best friend, a duck named Norman, because HE KNOWS WHAT HE DID.
SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 10pm, Syfy
Meet (or re-meet, if you saw Season 1) Joe Maddalena, Hollywood prop auctioneer. This here show is about his travails as a collector and dealer of various movie geek-friendly items. In tonight's season premiere Sean Astin himself allows Joe to pore through his Lord of the Rings souvenirs, plus Joe will attempt to hunt down the original ruby slippers from some old timey movie about monkeys.
PLUS ALL NEW EPISODES OF...
Civilization: The West and the Rest With Niall Ferguson, 8 p.m., PBS
The Real Housewives of Orange County, 8 p.m., Bravo
America's Got Talent, 8 p.m., NBC
American Ninja Warrior, 9 p.m., G4
Deadliest Catch, 9 p.m., Discovery
Fact or Faked: Paranormal Files, 9 p.m., Syfy
The L.A. Complex, 9 p.m., CW
The White Room Challenge, 9 p.m., HGTV
16 & Pregnant, 10 p.m., MTV
Dance Moms: Miami, 10 p.m., Lifetime
Dateline NBC: 20th Anniversary Special, 10 p.m., NBC
Pregnant in Heels, 10 p.m., Bravo
The Game, 10 p.m., BET
United Stats of America, 10 p.m., History
Let's Stay Together, 10:30 p.m., BET
Savage U, 12 a.m., MTV
Anderson Cooper & John Mayer on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37 a.m., NBC
Billy Bob Thornton on Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS
Dina Eastwood on Chelsea Lately, 11 p.m., E!
Josh Brolin & Ali Wentworth on Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:34 p.m., NBC
Patricia Heaton & Nikolaj Coster-Waldau on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12 a.m., ABC
The Naked & Famous on Last Call with Carson Daly, 1:36 a.m., NBC
Tracy Morgan & Bar Refaeli on Conan, 11 p.m., TBS
Will Smith & Gossip on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS
What are you watching tonight?