What to Watch Tonight: Bachelor Pad, Teen Wolf, and Warehouse 13

What to watch on Monday, August 8...

Well, that weekend lasted about ten minutes. Did the planet just spin faster or something? I'm not a scientist, I'm just saying that time flew, you know? Anyway, let's slow things back down with some medium-great television!

SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 8pm, ABC
Bachelor Pad
Not since the Deepwater Horizon oil spill has there been a body of water so polluted as the Bachelor Pad swimming pool. Tune in tonight for the Season 2 premiere of this Bachelor spin-off that completely drops any pretense of romance or class. Included in the latest menagerie of orange hardbodies are platinum dunce Vienna Girardi, evil himbo Jake Pavelka, and friendly android Ames, who was only just recently cast out of Bachelorette Ashley's love life. Team Ames!

10pm, MTV
Teen Wolf
At tonight's Winter Formal, Scott worries that turning into a werewolf might ruin his rented tux (I'm guessing), but also he'll definitely be stressing about Allison finally finding out about his secret. It's not clear how a towel scene will fit into all of this, but I'm sure Teen Wolf will figure it out.

9pm, Syfy
Warehouse 13
The team's on the hunt for an artifact known as Joshua's Trumpet, which has been missing for several generations and now suddenly poses a threat to a packed baseball stadium. It's like a mystical vuvuzela, basically.

ORIGINAL MOVIE, 9pm, HBO
Superheroes
HBO unleashes yet another killer documentary, this one about real-life superheroes. No, not the ones who dress up in costumes and harass families on Hollywood Boulevard; this is more like a reality version of the vigilantes in Kick Ass. Sounds great!

SERIES PREMIERE, 9pm, Style
Tia & Tamera
After years of waiting patiently, it's finally Tia and Tamera Mowry's turn to have their own reality series. In tonight's premiere Tia deals with being pregnant, and Tamera deals with planning a wedding. There's no word yet on how Taj Mowry might factor into all of this, and that's where the suspense comes in!

8pm, ABC Family
The Secret Life of the American Teenager
Whoops, sorry Ben, but Adrian has had a change of heart about you! Plus Ricky is like, "Peace out." Also tons of teens and their secrets.

PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...

Adventure Time, 8 p.m., Cartoon Network
Basketball Wives, 8 p.m., VH1
Eureka, 8 p.m., Syfy
Hell's Kitchen, 8 p.m., Fox
American Pickers, 9 p.m., History
Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, 9 p.m., Travel Channel
Bad Girls Club, 9 p.m., Oxygen
Degrassi: The Next Generation, 9 p.m., Teen Nick
HGTV Design Star, 9 p.m., HGTV
Hoarders, 9 p.m., A&E;
Kate Plus 8, 9 & 9:30 p.m., TLC
MasterChef, 9 p.m., Fox
RuPaul's Drag U, 9 p.m., Logo
Single Ladies, SEASON 1 FINALE, 9 p.m., VH1
Switched at Birth, 9 p.m., ABC Family
The Closer, 9 p.m., TNT
Alphas, 10 p.m., Syfy
Behind Mansion Walls, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Intervention, 10 p.m., A&E;
Pawn Stars, 10 & 10:30 p.m., History
Rizzoli & Isles, 10 p.m., TNT
Surprise Homecoming, 10 p.m., TLC
The Protector, 10 p.m., Lifetime
Weeds, 10 p.m., Showtime
The A-List: New York, 10 p.m., Logo
The Big C, 10:30 p.m., Showtime

LATE-NITE PICKS:

Aziz Ansari on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12 a.m., ABC
Bryce Dallas Howard on Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC

What are you watching tonight?