What to watch on Thursday, July 12...
If I could rap, I think I would start rapping these What to Watch introductions. Let's see what I got—Come Thursday night/we gonna feel alright/we gonna watch TV till the morning light. That kind of sounds more like reggae than rap. But either way: I'm a star! Here's what's on the docket tonight:
SEASON 14 PREMIERE, 9pm, CBS
No, no, no, I assure you: Big Brother has not yet premiered. You're thinking of ABC's The Glass House. And I assure you, this show is
exactly the same far more entertaining. I'm not exactly sure how, yet, but I'm sure. Tonight, we are introduced to all of the house guests (check them out!) and invited to pass as much judgement on each of them as humanly possible. It's like socially acceptable persecution! Yay humanity!
SEASON 1 FINALE, 9pm, Fox
Have any of you been watching this show? Has anyone found love, yet? Because in tonight's season finale, actor Dean Cain, model Tyson Beckford, NFL player Ndamukong Suh and ...a... doctor, Robert Nettles, will get set up on blind dates and I'd feel really bad if they were walking into something that had a success rate of zero. Uh, by the way, how do we sign up for this show? Don't tell my boyfriend I just asked that.
SEASON PREMIERE, 10pm, Discovery
So this series is about two prospective home buyers who bid against each other in order to lock down their dream home. And in this season's premiere, the two bidders are bidding on a house in the Phoenix area that neither of them have even seen. Who are these people?! I'm going to watch this show just so I can taunt them about their silly choices through my television screen.
SEASON 3 PREMIERE, 10pm, Showtime
The Real L Word
The "L"adies of "L"ove are back on screen! And this time, they'll be splitting up to spend time on opposite coasts in an episode suitably titled, "Apples and Oranges." Get it?! Like New York and—okay, you get it. Anyway, the distance doesn't do much to curb the drama, so it's bound to be an eventful return to primetime for these lady-lovin' heroines.
Tonight kicks off with an unexpected return from one Mr. Travis Tanner, and he's looking to ruffle Harvey's feathers in a big way. In fact, the feather-rufflage is SO great, it forces Jessica and Harvey to keep some VIP information from Daniel. Tsk, tsk. Meanwhile, Louis and Mike start to strengthen their working relationship, but Louis's paranoia could easily tear down everything the two had built. Why can't we all just get along?!
PLUS ALL NEW EPISODES OF...
Duets, 8 p.m., ABC
Take Me Out, 8 p.m., Fox
Tron: Uprising, 8 p.m., Disney XD
Anger Management, 9 p.m., FX
Auction Kings, 9 p.m., Discovery
Burn Notice, 9 p.m., USA
Hollywood Heights, 9 p.m., Nickelodeon
L.A. Hair, 9 p.m., WE
Natural Born Sellers, 9 p.m., HGTV
On the Fly, 9 p.m., TLC
Saving Hope, 9 p.m., NBC
Swamp People, SEASON FINALE, 9 p.m., Discovery
The Choice, 9 p.m., Fox
The First 48, 9 p.m., A&E;
Wipeout, 9 p.m., ABC
Selling London, 9:30 p.m., HGTV
Blood Relatives, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Cajun Justice, 10 p.m., A&E;
Chef Wanted With Anne Burrell, 10 p.m., Food
Final Offer, 9 p.m., Discovery
House Hunters, 10 p.m., HGTV
Men at Work, 10 p.m., TBS
Mountain Men, 10 p.m., History
POV, 10 p.m., PBS
Rock Center with Brian Williams, 10 p.m., NBC
Rookie Blue, 10 p.m., TNT
Snooki & JWoww, 10 p.m., MTV
Wilfred, 10 p.m., FX
Awkward, 10:30 p.m., MTV
Louie, 10:30 p.m., FX
Anne Hathaway on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS
Fred Willard on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12 a.m., ABC
Queen Latifah and Noah Wyle on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37 a.m., NBC
Denis Leary, Olivia Munn, and Kenny Chesney on Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:34 p.m., NBC
What are you watching tonight?