What to watch on Monday, August 8...
Oh boy, am I glad to be back on land. For those of you who didn't know or notice, I've been away fighting crime on cruise ships worldwide. Who knew there was so much criminal activity at sea? But now that balance has been restored to all floating resort decks large and small, I can turn in my masked crusader threads and return to life as a dutiful Monday through Sunday television-reporting civilian. At your service:
9pm, ABC Family
"Blank Up, It's Time," which confuses me because I'm not sure what word "blank" refers to. "Man Up?" Since when has "man" been a word that needs censoring? But this is ABC Family so what do I know? Maybe the context of the episode will help us out: Michelle learns that Fanny has been hiding a long-distance boyfriend, and Sasha misbehaves, which prompts Fanny to give Boo her coveted role in a big, upcoming performance. Still no title explanation, but blank it—I'll watch it anyway!
In "Armed Response" a security guard and a decorated war vet are found dead outside a residence, and all signs point to a young couple as the murdering culprits. Brenda's attempts to investigate are thrown off when the D.A.'s office starts to snoop around. Meanwhile, Pope and Raydor will all but crack open the truth behind their department's big leak. So much investigating! So little time!
Chuck Palahniuk fans look out! In tonight's "Alpha Dogs," Hicks and Harken discover an underground fight club just for Alphas. Hardcore. As the two go undercover to investigate (and throw some punches for kicks?) they manage to rescue Kat and invite her to be part of their family. In other not-as-awesomely dangerous sounding news, Rosen finds out that Stanton Parish's past dates back to 1864.
Mars Landing 2012: The New Search for Life
Because landing on the moon just isn't good enough anymore, Science introduces this hour-long dissertation on whether or not Mars can support life by focusing on NASA's most complex research, mission studies, and feedback from the Rover's exploration of the planet's surface. For astronomy junkies hoping to make their own move to mars within their lifetime, this is a must-see.
SEASON 1 FINALE, 10pm, Bravo
Miss Advised is only eight episodes in and over already—but will you miss it? Har har. For those unfamiliar with the series, it follows three women on three very different quests to find love. Focusing mostly on their missteps and poor self-guided advice, the series seems to care more about where women go wrong rather than where they go right, but maybe the finale will leave us with a more optimistic message? In it, Amy tries to learn to be more vulnerable, Julia decides to give a guy a chance even though he doesn't possess all of the perfect qualities she demands in a mate, and Emily takes a trip to Napa that leads her in an unexpected direction. Looks like we might get that optimistic conclusion, after all.
PLUS ALL NEW EPISODES OF...
XXX Summer Olympics, GYMNASTICS, TRACK & FIELD, BEACH VOLLEYBALL, DIVING, CYCLING, 8 p.m., NBC
Bachelor Pad, 8 p.m., ABC
Love & Hip Hop Atlanta, 8 p.m., VH1
Market Warriors, 8 p.m., PBS
Tia & Tamera, 8 p.m., Style
The Secret Life of the American Teenager, 8 p.m., ABC Family
WWE Monday Night Raw, 8 p.m., USA
Bizarre Foods America, 9 p.m., Travel
Border Wars, 9 p.m., NatGeo
Blood, Lies, & Alibis, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Chicagolicious, 9 p.m., Style
Hollywood Heights, 9 p.m., Nickelodeon
Love It or List It, 9 p.m., HGTV
Off the Hook: Extreme Catches, 9 p.m., Discovery
Single Ladies, 9 p.m., VH1
The Real Housewives of New York City, 9 p.m., Bravo
Top Gear, 9 p.m., BBC America
Warehouse 13, 9 p.m., Syfy
Bad Girls Club: Mexico, 10 p.m., Oxygen
Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives, 10 p.m., Food
Four Houses, 10 p.m., TLC
Hotel Impossible, 10 p.m., Travel
Locked Up Abroad, 10 p.m., NatGeo
Perception, 10 p.m., TNT
Push Girls, 10 p.m., Sundance
Stolen Voices, Buried Secrets, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
The Glass House, 10 p.m., ABC
House Hunters International, 10:30 p.m., HGTV
Teen Wolf, 10 p.m., MTV
Teen Wolf After Show, 11 p.m., MTV
Kate Beckinsale, Jeff Wild, Loni Love, and Matt Braunger on Chelsea Lately, 11 p.m., E!
Authors Stephen King and Dave Barry on Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS
What are you watching tonight?