What to Watch Tonight: Community's Season 5 Premiere, Natalie Dormer's Return to Elementary, and the Series Debut of ABC's The Assets


What to watch on Thursday, January 2...


SEASON 3 PREMIERE, 12pm, Crackle
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
Jerry Seinfeld’s web series returns with new episodes going live on Thursdays. The latest batch will feature Seinfeld shooting the breeze with Tina Fey, Louis C.K., Patton Oswalt, Howard Stern, and more.


SEASON 5 PREMIERE, 8pm & 8:30pm, NBC
Community
Proud new Greendale alum Jeff returns to his alma mater to scrounge up evidence for a lawsuit in “Repilot,” but Dean Pelton assumes he’s actually there to rescue the embattled school. Then in “Introduction to Teaching,” proud new Greendale faculty member Jeff learns a few pointers from a veteran instructor (Jonathan Banks) while Abed ropes the gang into taking Prof. Garrity’s (Kevin Corrigan) Nic Cage class.


SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 8pm, ABC
The Taste
Marcus Samuelsson joins Anthony Bourdain, Nigella Lawson, and Ludo Lefebvre on the judging panel as this season’s prospective prospects audition for the 16 open slots in the competition.


8pm, CBS
The Big Bang Theory
After flubbing her acting gig on NCIS, Penny finds Leonard’s solace less than comforting. Elsewhere in “The Hesitation Ramification,” Sheldon sharpens his comic chops and Raj hones his flirting skills.


9pm, CBS
The Crazy Ones
Accidentally assigned to a video game account, Sydney quickly becomes hooked on the product in “The Face of a Winner.” Actually, she could totally quit anytime she wanted, but that damn mushroom guy keeps telling her to check another castle.


MINISERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, ABC
The Assets
Two CIA counterintelligence officers navigate Cold War dangers and intrigues in 1985 in this eight-part miniseries based on true events. The opener, “My Name is Aldrich Ames,” tasks the duo with tracking down an infamous mole who’s jeopardizing the lives of vital agents.


SEASON 3 PREMIERE, 10pm & 10:30pm, Reelz
Steven Seagal: Lawman
I could tell you about the various crime-fighting hijnx covered in “Drug Warriors” and “Righteous Justice.” Or we could all just contemplate the words “Steven Seagal: Lawman Season 3” and wonder how it is that we as a culture allowed this to happen, and then return to our homes and our loved ones and hope to scrape together some shred of beauty and meaning from this misbegotten world before Atropos snips the threads of our mortal lives.


SEASON 4 PREMIERE, 10pm & 10:30pm, MTV
Ridiculousness
Hey, what better way to grapple with an existential crisis than through viral videos?! Nick Swardson arrives in the first half-hour and Snoop Lion in the second to help review the net’s newest and nuttiest offerings.


10pm, CBS
Elementary
Moriarty (Natalie Dormer) returns in “The Diabolical Kind,” and this time she’s on the same side of the law as Holmes and Watson when the three investigate a kidnapping. Meanwhile, full physical recovery refuses to come easily for Bell.


10pm, NBC
Parenthood
A quarrel between Julia and Ed prompts Joel to intervene in “Promises,” while Drew’s nostalgia irks Natalie and a solo Zeek meets a new acquaintance. Elsewhere, Carl joins Sarah at a fundraiser and reveals more about himself.


10pm, TBS
Ground Floor
“Dynamic Duo” sends Jenny upstairs to fill in for Mansfield’s ailing assistant—and to tend to the boss himself when he too falls ill. Downstairs, temporarily-in-charge Harvard becomes thoroughly drunk on his tiny amount of power.


12am, Cartoon Network
Eagleheart
Will “Spats” center on minor squabbles or on snazzy footwear accoutrements? Adult Swim's Powers That Be have confided the answer in me, but honestly, I think it’ll be more gratifying if you find out for yourself. Show some initiative, for crying out loud.


LATE-NITE:
– Adam Scott on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E! 


WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING TONIGHT?

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