What to Watch Tonight: Flashbacks on The Vampire Diaries, Lots of Guest-stars on 30 Rock, and More Patton Oswalt on Burn Notice

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What to watch on Thursday, December 5...


8pm, The CW
The Vampire Diaries
Tonight the Mystic Falls Tour Through Western History™ correspondence course dishes up its take on World War II, by way of the Big Easy. Flashback Hair plus the return of Stefan’s delightfully ball-busting chum Lexi practically guarantee that “We’ll Always Have Bourbon Street” will be a lively installment.


8pm, NBC
30 Rock
“My Whole Life Is Thunder” busts out guest-stars galore. Florence Henderson! Gayle King! The return of Elaine Stritch as Jack’s eternally disapproving mom! It’s 30 Rock’s final season, and dammit if the show isn’t going to burn through that sweet pot of NBC guest-star cash like there’s no tomorrow. 30 Rock don’t care.


8pm, CBS
The Big Bang Theory
Amy falls ill in “The Fish Guts Displacement,” and it’s up to Sheldon to take care of... wait, that can’t be right. Sheldon has little sense of the nurturing and compassionate ways of we humans! He’s just the wrong sort of person to be tending to the stricken! Why, this set of circumstances bodes altogether poorly for Amy’s health—but altogether well for wacky comedy!


9pm, Fox
Glee
In “Swan Song,” Finn contemplates life after New Directions. Might I recommend relocating to Los Angeles and setting up shop as a private detective? It’s yielded good results for previous square-jawed stars of high-school-set comedy-dramas. Elsewhere, Rachel gears up for the NYADA Winter Showcase, and everyone loves Rachel in headstrong preparation mode, right? Hey, where’s everyone going? Don’t get ticked at me, I just report this stuff!


10pm, USA
Burn Notice
Michael and Sam get entangled in high-stakes robberies in “Best Laid Plans.” Luckily, when you’re a spy you probably develop some sort of skill set that comes in handy in high-stakes-robbery-related entanglements. This week also continues the multi-episode guest arcs of Patton Oswalt and The Wire’s Sonja Sohn, which collectively earns Burn Notice 60,000 Internet points.


10pm, ABC
Scandal
In the wake of the assassination attempt on Fitz, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” flashes back to the early days of his administration. Now, that title is clearly shooting for irony, since it’s not likely to be a very happy birthday if someone tried to put you in the ground the week before. I just wish Scandal had embraced its pulpiest instincts and called this one “Happy DEATHday, Mr. President.” Missed opportunity, that.


LATE-NITE:
– Ty Burrell, W. Kamau Bell, and The Gaslight Anthem on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Guest host Dave Grohl on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Gov. Chris Christie on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Andy Serkis on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Bill O’Reilly, Krysten Ritter, and Paloma Faith on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Bill Murray and Vintage Trouble on Late Night with David Letterman, 11:35 am, CBS
– Kelly Ripa, Chris Rock, and Alicia Keys on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12am, ABC
– Tom Selleck, Richard Branson, and Tanlines on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– Denis Leary and Richie Sambora on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS



WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING TONIGHT?


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