What to Watch Tonight: New Girl, Sons of Anarchy, and the Premiere of Onion News Network

What to watch on Tuesday, October 4...

The weeknight train rolls ever onward, delivering another trolley-ful of TV goodness. (Not sure what any of that means.) Hey look, there are new things on television tonight!

8pm, FOX
Glee
When Mike earns an A- (a.k.a. an "Asian F"), his parents step in and threaten his Glee club commitments. Also Brittany's campaign for class president shifts into gear and Mercedes challenges Rachel for the lead in West Side Story. Plus that Kurt/Blaine cliffhanger from last week? OMG what will happen you guyz?? So much dramz bb!

8pm, CBS
NCIS
Speaking of so much dramz bb, when the team investigates a seemingly run-of-the-mill, murdered-Navy-lieutenant case, they inadvertently uncover a mysterious link between the victim and McGee's grandma! Wuh-oh! Will she be this season's Big Bad??

9pm, Fox
New Girl
Nick convinces Jess to be his date to a wedding where he's sure he'll run into his ex. Plus Schmidt finds himself torn between two women, one of whom is played by guest-star Natasha Lyonne. Welcome back, girl!

10pm, FX
Sons of Anarchy
The SAMCRO posse stoops to enlisting a former enemy to help stop the Charming Heights development. Plus Sheriff Roosevelt puts the screws to Juice for more intel. Question: Why can't everyone just settle their differences over a nice game of laser tag?

SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, Bravo
Mad Fashion
Former Project Runway contestant (and erstwhile drag-queen outfitter) Chris March gets his own reality show! Tune in to watch him create his crazy garments from concept to delivery and generally make you pine for the days when Project Runway contestants still did risky things.

SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 10pm, IFC
Onion News Network
Tonight sees the return of one of TV's most consistently hilarious programs, a straight-faced, absurdist take on current events, politics, and pop culture. Fun fact! Lead anchor Brooke Alvarez is played by Suzanne Sena, an actual TV host and news reporter who's appeared on E! and Fox News for realsies. She has a strong comedy background, in other words.

PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
90210, 8 p.m., CW
Biggest Loser, 8 p.m., NBC
Dancing With the Stars, 8 p.m., ABC
Prohibition, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 8 p.m., PBS
19 Kids and Counting, 9 & 9:30 p.m., TLC
Downsized, 9 p.m., WE
Gene Simmons Family Jewels, MIDSEASON PREMIERE, 9 p.m., A&E;
NCIS: Los Angeles, 9 p.m., CBS
Property Virgins, 9 p.m., HGTV
Rachel Zoe Project, 9 p.m., Bravo
Ringer, 9 p.m., CW
Viking Wilderness, SERIES PREMIERE, 9 & 10 p.m., Animal Planet
Raising Hope, 9:30 p.m., Fox
100 Greatest Songs of the '00s, ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 10 p.m., VH1
Body of Proof, 10 p.m., ABC
Chopped, 10 p.m., Food Network
Little Couple, 10 & 10:30 p.m., TLC
Parenthood, 10 p.m., NBC
Quirky, 10 p.m., Sundance
Teen Mom, FINALE SPECIAL, 10 p.m., MTV
Tosh.0, 10 p.m., Comedy Central
Unforgettable, 10 p.m., CBS
Workaholics, 10:30 p.m., Comedy Central

LATE-NITE PICKS:
Anna Faris on Chelsea Lately, 11 p.m., E!
Evangeline Lilly on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12 a.m., ABC
Hugh Jackman & Feist on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS
Jessica Lange on Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS
John Lithgow & Kareem Abdul-Jabbar on Colbert Report, 11:30 p.m., Comedy Central
Kaitlin Olson, Megan Amram & Lykke Li on Last Call with Carson Daly, 1:35 a.m., NBC
Laura Dern on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:35 a.m., NBC

What are you watching tonight?