What to Watch Tonight: Revolution Returns, The Voice Premieres with Shakira and Usher, and HIMYM Goes Back to the Future

What to watch on Monday, March 25...

The Voice
A new batch of hopefuls flexes their larynxes for the approval of celebrity coaches Adam Levine, Shakira, Blake Shelton, and Usher in the first round of blind auditions. The contestants’ first challenge? Elevating their pipes above the din of NBC executives belting out hallelujahs because the network's ratings might surpass a 2.0 now.

8pm, CBS
How I Met Your Mother
What’s it been, like three whole episodes since HIMYM last dug into its bag of continuity tricks? Let’s see what it shakes out for “The Time Travelers.” Doppelgangers? Check, in the form of future versions of Ted and Barney who visit present-day Ted. Robots vs. Wrestlers? Check, as the Future Bros must convince Ted to attend the event. Jayma Mays reprising her role as the coat check girl at OK Awesome from all the way back in Season 1? Check... and I have no idea why. Let’s all just agree to focus on Marshall and Robin’s dance contest in the B-plot, shall we?

8pm, The CW
The Carrie Diaries
Carrie pretends to be Larissa; hijinks ensue, in accordance with Tripper’s Second Law of Comical Misunderstandings. Elsewhere in “Identity Crisis,” Walt comes to terms with who he is, Sebastian and Maggie keep a secret from Carrie, and Tom finds meditation class to be far from tranquil.

9pm, Fox
The Following
Reunions abound in “Guilt,” as Joe dispatches a couple of minions to snag Claire, Jacob and Emma have a less-than-cordial meeting, and Ryan links up with an old friend. I would hope that the old friend in question is Fred Ward and/or one of the worms from Tremors, but we all know The Following doesn’t love us enough to make that happen.

9pm, TNT
“Guilt & Innocence” finds the Ewing clan split over suspicion that Christopher’s technology caused a disaster. Going strictly by the episode synopsis, I am going to that assume Christopher invented those giant Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots from Real Steel, which promptly revolted and rampaged through east Texas. Meanwhile, Sue Ellen turns to an old friend for help, and Drew confronts both a dark secret and a deepening relationship with Emma.

Seeing as how Revolution's version of Philadephia is less the City of Brotherly Love and more the City of Despotly Artillery, Miles and the gang head for the hills in “The Stand.” Rachel, meanwhile, tries to make amends by supplying the rebels with some firepower of their own.

10pm, ABC
The homicide-of-the-week in “The Wild Rover” is tied to an Irish crime family—one Ryan has a history with, from his time working narcotics. Resuming the undercover life to track the killer throws a wrench into his marriage, probably because he won’t give the accent a rest.

10pm, Syfy
Lost Girl
In a sly bit of stunt casting, “Delinquents” welcomes Linda Hamilton as a steely assassin whose arrival threatens Bo & Co.’s latest mission. A lethal Fae is targeting kids at a camp for at-risk youths, so Bo, Kenzi, and Dyson must go undercover to stop the fiend, and maybe to crank out a popsicle-stick birdhouse and a couple of lanyards, too.

– Magic Johnson, Thandie Newton, and Langhorne Slim on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Pastry chef and author Gesine Bullock-Prado on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Peter Dinklage on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Junot Díaz on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Gerard Butler, Keegan-Michael Kay & Jordan Peele, and Crystal Bowersox on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Ed Sheeran on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Dana Delaney, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, and Dustin Lynch on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Usher Raymond, Kata Mara, Wale, and the latest Celebrity Apprentice castoff on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– Morgan Freeman and Vera Farmiga on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS


Comments (166)
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"Winter is Coming."

We've all heard that one before. In MANY different ways. I would warrant that everyone and their Maester has seen the countless memes floating about the internet (http://memegenerator.net/Winter-Is-Coming). I would even go so far to say that quote has gotten as much milage as a King's Landing whore on the Golden Cloaks payday (sorry, I had to reach my "Tim" joke quota). It has been 301 very long days and 301 terribly dark nights since we last saw a new episode of the best fantasy television show ever made (that's right, I said it! what of it?). But the cold and lonely winter of GoT fans discontent is OVER! It is fitting that the 1st episode of the 3rd season should fall on the 301st day since its last showing. Here in the North (Canada) the icy grip of winter is just starting to relinquish its dickish grasp, and I can think of no better metaphor for the hope and renewal of spring than the beginning of a new season of boobs, blood, banter (did I say boobs?) and battle amidst the boisterous backdrop of Westeros (my poetic imagination tends to lean toward the macabre... and perverse). For the next 5 fortnights (or 10 weeks for common folk) I will gluttonously gorge myself on the sights and sounds of this truly spectacular show, drinking it all in and savouring every last drop, Cersei-style. Screw wine! I'm drunk on GoT!

(NOTE: For my comments this season I have decided to categorize them by character, similar to the books and Tim's reviews.)

Fuck you, Tywin! By the God(s) that felt good to write! I read ASoS quite a while ago and have hated Tywin with a blistering passion since ACoK, but that hatred never quite translated to the show. His wonderful (and book divergent) conversations with Arya at Harrenhal seemed to subtly soften his cold and menacing exterior. He was still a ruthless and commanding presence, but those talks humanized him. Not to mention the first scene he was introduced he was skinning a stag (symbolism!) while discussing battle plans. If that's not badass, then nothing is. So even though I bloodthirstily wanted book-Tywin's head on Pod's pike, I respected and begrudgingly liked show-Tywin, which was a little conflicting for me.


That vindictive and spiteful ass of a father finally showed his true colours, and they're not gold or crimson but a motley of black. He views Tyrion as a curse, a freak, a punishment and a jape of the Gods. He thinks Tyrion's mere existence is a pox on his House and a casts a pall on the name Lannister. Say it with me now:


Without the heroic and tactically brilliant actions of Tyrion, King's Landing would be giving Winterfell a run for its burnt down money OR Stannis, a.k.a. The red-pussy-whipped-one, would be sitting on the Iron Throne with his Red Lady in his lap. But does he get any recognition? Some "bloody gratitude"? No. He gets tossed aside and forgotten like an old toy or an unpleasant memory. Tyrion saved King's Landing. We know this. Lord Varys knows this. But his father would rather die than allow him his birthright. What. An. Asshole. I can't wait until the littlest lion is in his natural element again, cutting down his enemies with a barb or cleverly placed quip, and destroying them with his intellect. If Tyrion wasn't your favourite character before, then in the words of stanking: "You're doing it wrong."

(Finally, I just want to say that having re-read the first few chapters of ASoS before I watched the premier, the scene with Tyrion and Tywin was spot on. Nearly word for word at times. My only complaint is they didn't bring up Tysha. She weighs on Tyrion's mind much more heavily in the books and her memory provides strong motivations for some of Tyrion's important/crazy future decisions. Don't forget about Tysha, show!)
Finally a singing show that doesn't make me want to strangle the judges! And , talented people who can really sing. Thank you The Voice.
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