What to Watch Tonight: Royal Pains, Final Witness, and VH1's Hollywood Exes

What to watch on Wednesday, June 27...

The key to writing these What to Watch intros, as I've learned in my one day's worth of experience, is to chug an entire 16oz, freezing-cold iced coffee beforehand. The brain-freeze sort of paralyzes you (from distraction) and kickstarts the caffeine buzz, which amplifies all brain activity so that it sounds like you're shouting all of your thoughts. I find writing comes easier when I'm being shouted at, don't you? Anyway, just a tip in case YOU ever start writing these What to Watch intros. You're totally welcome.

8pm, Fox
So You Think You Can Dance
Tonight, SYTYCD will finally name this season's Top 20! And in the show's 200th episode, no less. Tonight, Zooey Deschanel will join the panel as a guest judge as the top 20 finalists are announced. Do we think she's gonna play favorites? I mean, she has to, because she's a judge, but... you know what I mean—will any of the finalists be quirky enough for her??!

Hollywood Exes
This is basically VH1's attempt to piggyback on the success of Bravo's Real Housewives franchise. Hollywood Exes follows five ex (edgy...) wives of celebrities (Eddie Murphy, Jose, Will Smith, R. Kelly, and Prince, to be exact) who couldn't find fame and fortune on their own and thus decided to band together for reality TV. Keep it classy, ladies!

9pm, USA
Royal Pains
In "Dawn of the Med," Hank tends to a young couple who are organizing an unconventional fundraiser of sorts. Judging by the episode title, I'm guessing it has something to do with zombies, but what do I know? Also, Eddie heads to the Hamptons in an attempt to straighten out his feuding sons, Divya reaches out to her mother (am I sensing a family theme?), and Evan... well, Evan meets a mysterious scientist with an intriguing history. I like the sound of that!

Final Witness
Why try to forget about heinous murder cases when you can re-enact them for all the world to see?! That must have been what the bigwigs over at ABC were thinking before green-lighting this bad boy—and "bad boy" might just be the perfect (or perfectly offensive) way to sum up tonight's pilot episode, "The Kids Aren't All Right." It'll walk you through the brutal murder of a mother and her two young sons that took place in East Texas in 2008. Sounds... horrifying.

The Real World: St. Thomas
It begins: The TWENTY-SEVENTH season of The Real World. This time, housemates will arrive on the beautiful island of St. Thomas (I wonder how previously landlocked cast members feel about them apples) and the drama begins pretty much immediately as one roommate starts to "fall" for a girl who has her eyes set on someone else. Tough luck, broheem.

Dogs in the City, 8 p.m., CBS
Melissa & Joey, 8 p.m., ABC Family
U.S. Olympic Trials: Swimming, 8 p.m., NBC
Baby Daddy, 8 p.m., ABC Family
America's Got Talent, 9 p.m., NBC
American Guns, 9 p.m., Discovery
Cajun Pawn Stars, 9 p.m., History
Dallas, 9 p.m., TNT
Haunted Collector, 9 p.m., Syfy
Hollywood Heights, 9 p.m., Nickelodeon
I (Almost) Got Away With It, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles, 9 p.m., Bravo
Wonders of the Universe, 9 p.m., Science
American Greed, 10 p.m., CNBC
Around the World in 80 Plates, 10 p.m., Bravo
Barter Kings, 10 p.m., A&E;
Coming Home, 10 p.m., Lifetime
Diamond Divers, 10 p.m., Spike
Fast N' Loud, 10 p.m., Discovery
FBI Criminal Pursuit, SEASON 3 FINALE, 10 p.m., ID
Futurama, 10 p.m., Comedy Central
House Hunters, 10 p.m., HGTV
Inside Men, 10 p.m., BBC America
Inside Nature's Giants: Camel, 10 p.m., PBS
Locked Up Abroad, 10 p.m., NatGeo
Necessary Roughness, 10 p.m., USA
School Spirits, 10 p.m., Syfy
The Soul Man, 10 p.m., TV Land
The Soup, 10 p.m., E!
Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman, 10 p.m., Science
Twintervention, 10 p.m., TLC
The Exes, 10:30 p.m., TV Land

Chris Pine on Conan, 11 p.m., TBS
Channing Tatum on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS
Mila Kunis and Justin Bieber on Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:34 p.m., NBC
Andrew Garfield on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11 p.m., Comedy Central
Melinda Gates on The Colbert Report, 11:30 p.m., Comedy Central
Matt LeBlanc and Selma Blair on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12 a.m., ABC
Lisa Kudrow and Harvey Weinstein on Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS
Salma Hayek, Aaron Sorkin, and LMFOA on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37 a.m., NBC


What are you watching tonight?

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