What to watch on Wednesday, August 15...
Listen close, here's how tonight's gonna go: You're going to sit on your couch, watch your favorite television shows, and you ain't gonna say nothin' to the cops about what I've been up to. Got it? Good. Now that everyone's been adequately threatened, here is your television line-up for the night!
SERIES PREMIERE, 8pm, The CW
You heard it here first, folks! Or, on TV somewhere... in which case, you're hearing it here again! The CW will attempt to compete in this competition-heavy timeslot with their very own reality competition—of musical chairs. I'm not actually suggesting you watch this show, but I do think you should know it exists. It's one of those water cooler conversations you'll probably want to be a part of.
In "Business and Pleasure," Hank cares for a worried DEA agent, who fears that she's being routinely poisoned with methamphetamine while staking out a couple of bad guys at an exotic car expo. I'm trying to figure this out—how, exactly, does somebody get slipped meth?
SEASON 5 FINALE, 9pm, Bravo
Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles
I can't believe this show has been around for five seasons already. In tonight's big Season 5 finale, "Closing Deals and Opening Doors," Josh Flagg drops an information bomb on his parents, who are floored by the news. Also, Heather attempts to make amends with Madison, who struggles to accept her return. And finally, Josh Altman scores a sale on a house in the eight digit range, and starts sweet-talking Heather into making plans for their future together. Is he going to propose?
10pm, Comedy Central
In "Near-Death Wish," the Professor reels when his parents decide to come out of virtual retirement aboard the Near-Death Star. And we all know everybody suffers when the Professor gets peeved. Will Fry and the crew strike up a plan to convince the old folks to get back aboard the Near-Death Star? If so, who's placing bets on how it'll go horribly wrong?
SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, Travel
The Travel Channel's newest reality series invites us along with long-time toy collector Jordan Hembrough, who will travel around the world in search of rare collectibles that he can pick-up and then sell back to his global clientele. In tonight's premiere, "Jersey Shore," Jordan locates a Cher barbie doll, 1970s Colorforms adhesive toys, a Lord of the Rings Gollam-themed piggy bank, and a Kenner Super Powers Bat Mobile classic. I want one!
PLUS ALL NEW EPISODES OF...
Boss, 7 p.m., Starz
Big Brother, 8 p.m., CBS
America's Got Talent, 8 p.m., NBC
Rogue Sharks Reloaded, 8 p.m., Discovery
So You Think You Can Dance, 8 p.m., Fox
Melissa & Joey, 8 p.m., ABC Family
NinjaGo: Masters of Spinjitzu, 8 p.m., Cartoon Network
Baby Daddy, 8:30 p.m., ABC Family
Adam Richman's Best Sandwich in America, SEASON 1 FINALE, 9 p.m., Travel
American Greed: The Fugitives, 9 p.m., CNBC
Haunted Collector, 9 p.m., Syfy
Hollywood Exes, 9 p.m., VH1
How the Universe Works, 9 p.m., Science
Property Brothers, 9 p.m., HGTV
Shark Fight, 9 p.m., Discovery
Storage Wars Texas, SEASON PREMIERE, 9 p.m., A&E;
Toddlers & Tiaras, 9 p.m., TLC
Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry?, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Wizards of Waverly Place, 9 p.m., Disney
America's Lost Treasures, 10 p.m., NatGeo
American Hoggers, SEASON PREMIERE, 10 p.m., A&E;
Auction Hunters, 10 p.m., Spike
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, 10 p.m., TLC
I Married a Mobster, SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Mama Drama, 10 p.m., VH1
Necessary Roughness, 10 p.m., USA
Paranormal Witness, 10 p.m., Syfy
Picked Off, 10 p.m., History
Restaurant: Impossible, 10 p.m., Food
The Franchise: A Season with the Miami Marlins, 10 p.m., Showtime
The Real World: St. Thomas, 10 p.m., MTV
The Soul Man, 10 p.m., TV Land
The Soup, 10 p.m., E!
Top Chef Masters, 10 p.m., Bravo
World's Scariest Animal Attacks, 10 p.m., Discovery
House Hunters International, 10:30 p.m., HGTV
The Exes, 10:30 p.m., TV Land
Kevin Jonas on Chelsea Lately, 11 p.m., E!
Tom Brokaw and Olympic swimmer Dana Vollmer on Late Show With David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS
Sylvester Stallone and Olympic champion Missy Franklin on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC
Thomas Haden Church on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12 a.m., ABC
William Shatner and actor Breckin Meyer on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., NBC
What are you watching tonight?