What to Watch Tonight: Royal Pains, I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, and the Surely Nightmare-Inducing Bedbug Apocalypse

What to watch on Wednesday, August 17...

Whoops! The garbage truck's a comin' to dump some junk into your living room tonight. But don't worry, one man's trash is another man's ludicrous treasure trash. Hurry, garbage truck, hurry!

9pm, USA
Royal Pains
Tonight Hank finds himself hecka busy when he must treat a marathon runner with an odd body temperature AND solve the mysterious case of Boris's health problems. Plus he must continue to endure the unending hellscape that is the Hamptons in summertime. Worst job ever??

10pm, Spike
Deadliest Warrior
They should change the name of Deadliest Warrior to BET SETTLERS, because that's what these guys do. For instance, tonight's episode will finally settle that classic bet of who'd win in a fight: Saddam Hussein or Pol Pot? I mean, Saddam probably wore a utility belt of chemical weapons, but I bet Pol Pot was a scrapper? Anyway, I have $7,500 riding on this one. Fingers crossed!

ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 10pm, NatGeo
Pint-Sized Preachers
Ho man, here we go. This is a one-hour documentary about child preachers, including a particularly persuasive 4-year-old evangelist. Sure, why not?

SERIES PREMIERE, 9pm, VH1
Ton of Cash
In this new VH1 reality competition, fourteen competitors must team up to transport a million dollars from Los Angeles to Las Vegas, but only ONE will leave Las Vegas with all that cash. The rest will leave with damaged career prospects and a brains full of nightmares.

MIDSEASON PREMIERE, 9 & 9:30pm, TLC
I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant
When TLC aired the very first special, I was like, "Wow, there are FOUR women this has happened to?" That seemed like A LOT of women who were completely ignorant about their own bodies. But now of course this is a regular series, and it suggests that perhaps the glass ceiling is there for a reason? "Get it together, ladies." —Gloria Steinem. Anywho, in tonight's showcase of chubby brainiacs who suddenly give birth, we'll meet a woman who accidentally gives birth while taking a bath and another woman whose surprise labor happens during a tornado.

ORIGINAL SPECIAL, 8pm, Animal Planet
Bedbug Apocalypse
Well doomsday had to happen at some point, so it may as well come at the hand (paws?) of bedbugs. Why not round out your evening of televised nightmares by checking out this documentary about the rise of U.S. bedbug infestations? Afterward, be sure to hose down your family!

PLUS NEW EPISODES OF...
Big Brother, 8 p.m., CBS
Melissa & Joey, 8 & 8:30p.m., ABC Family
Minute to Win It, 8 p.m., NBC
America's Got Talent, 9 p.m., NBC
Confessions: Animal Hoarding, 8 & 9 p.m., Animal Planet
Degrassi: The Next Generation, 9 p.m., Teen Nick
Ghost Hunters International, MIDSEASON FINALE, 9 p.m., Syfy
Roseanne's Nuts, 9 p.m., Lifetime
Sons of Guns, 9 p.m., Discovery
State of Georgia, SEASON 1 FINALE, 9 & 9:30p.m., ABC Family
Hot in Cleveland, 10 p.m., TV Land
Legend Quest, SEASON 1 FINALE, 10 p.m., Syfy
Love in the Wild, SEASON 1 FINALE, 10 p.m., NBC
Necessary Roughness, 10 p.m., USA
One Man Army, 10 p.m., Discovery
Outrageous Kid Parties, SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 10 & 10:30 p.m., TLC
Primetime Nightline: Beyond Belief, 10 p.m., ABC
Rescue Me, 10 p.m., FX
Rocco's Dinner Party, SEASON 1 FINALE, 10 p.m., Bravo
Storage Wars, 10 & 10:30 p.m., A&E;
The Challenge: Rivals, 10 p.m., MTV
The Franchise: A Season with the San Francisco Giants, 10 p.m., Showtime
The Hour, SERIES PREMIERE, 10 p.m., BBC America
Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry?, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Happily Divorced, SEASON 1 FINALE, 10:30 p.m., TV Land

LATE-NITE PICKS:
Anne Hathaway on Chelsea Lately, 11 p.m., E!
Jeff Bridges on Colbert Report, 11:30 p.m., Comedy Central
Joel McHale on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12 a.m., ABC
Paul Rudd & Jessica Chastain on Conan, 11 p.m., TBS

What are you watching tonight?