What to Watch Tonight: Switched at Birth, Stars Earn Stripes, and Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations

What to watch on Monday, September 3...

Happy Labor Day to my American kin! I hope you're not reading this from the office. I hope you're reading this from your smartphone while downing a hotdog somewhere. If you're in LA, I'm imagining you chillin' with an umbrella drink on an inflatable raft in the middle of the pool at your friend's boss's Beverly Hills mansion (because your friend's boss happens to be out of town). If you're in Chicago, I'm thinking you're at a block party and somebody just loosened the neighborhood fire hydrant. Ultimate sprinkler party! If you're in NYC, I'm thinking of you on a Brooklyn rooftop next to a kiddie pool and a Weber grill. And everywhere else, well, just make sure there's a grill and acces to running water nearby. Here's what's on TV tonight:

Stars Earn Stripes
It's the Season 1 finale and as such the episode that determines which team will take home the winning title this year. The celebrities will be confronted with a surprise shoot-out and follow-up instructions to return stolen intelligence from a neighboring (not-so-friendly) village. But that's not all, folks! They'll also repel from a helicopter, escape from a battleship, and then if they manage to complete the challenges without DYING, will stand tall and present as the winning squad is named.

Switched at Birth
It's been, oh, six months since we've caught up with one of the most complicated dysfunctional families to his the small screen, and fall season premiere, "This Is the Color of my Dreams," Bay finally returns from her journey abroad—and instead of bringing back gifts, she's bringing home a new boy! A gift for her is still technically a gift, I guess. Of course, this forces her to confront her issues with Emmett and Angelo. Also, Daphne searches for a job, looking to Kathryn for help, and Regina decides whether or not to accept her marriage proposal. OooOOoo!

Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations
My personal favorite when it comes to TV travel guides, the king of narrative prose and witty banter (when it comes to all things food-related, anyway) is back for his ninth and final season. Tear. He kicks it off in Austin, Texas at the infamous SXSW Festival where he'll hang with Sleigh Bells (the band, not the thing) as he explores the city's strangest food joints. Ever heard of offal tacos and dove enchiladas? You will after tonight!

10pm, NBC
This one's kind of like the movie Outbreak, but more monster-y. In "Quill" Nick is exposed to a highly contagious disease carried by Wesens while he investigates an accident—and Monroe and Rosalee discover the disease, too, but unfortunately for them it's because an infected creature will confront them face-to-face. Meanwhile, Captain Renard gets word that a dangerous international fugitive has just landed in Portland. Perhaps the Wesen disease could be of some service under this particular circumstance?

10pm, TNT
In "Kilimanjaro" (that word is SO much fun to say!) Moretti and Piece look into the death of a female college student, but the case cuts too close to home for Pierce, who's forced to confront demons from his past as he searches for answers about the murdered girl. Moretti faces a personal problem of her own, though far less dark than Pierce's as she must decide what to do with her relationship with Dr. Hathaway.

Bachelor Pad, 8 p.m., ABC
Hotel Hell, SEASON FINALE, 8 p.m., FOX
Little People Big World: Down Under, 8 p.m., TLC
Love & Hip Hop Atlanta, 8 p.m., VH1
Obama Revealed: The Man, The President, SPECIAL, 8 p.m., CNN
Switched at Birth, 8 p.m., ABC Family
The L.A. Complex, 8 p.m., The CW
WWE Monday Night Raw, 8 p.m., USA
American Chopper, SEASON PREMIERE, 9 p.m., Discovery
American Pickers, 9 p.m., History
Border Wars, 9 p.m., NatGeo
Blood, Lies, & Alibis, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Coma, SEASON PREMIERE, 9 p.m., A&E;
Love It or List It, 9 p.m., HGTV
Major Crimes, 9 p.m., TNT
T.I. and Tiny: The Family Hustle, SEASON PREMIERE, 9 p.m., VH1
The Real Housewives of New York City, 9 p.m., Bravo
United Bates of America, 9 p.m., TLC
Bad Girls Club: Mexico, 10 p.m., Oxygen
Call of the Wildman, 10 p.m., Animal Planet
Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives, 10 p.m., Food
Fast N' Loud, 10 p.m., Discovery
Gallery Girls, 10 p.m., Bravo
Grimm, 10 p.m., NBC
Locked Up Abroad, 10 p.m., NatGeo
Pawn Stars, 10 p.m., History
Perception, 10 p.m., TNT
Ridiculousness, 10 p.m., MTV
Stolen Voices, Buried Secrets, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
House Hunters International, 10:30 p.m., HGTV
The Inbetweeners, 10:30 p.m., MTV
Get To Work, 10:30 p.m., Sundance

It's Labor Day! All our favorite late show hosts are on vacation. You should be, too!

What are you watching tonight?

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