What to watch on Wednesday, January 9...
Nobody plays a put-upon, low-level authority figure like Dave Foley; pairing him with Brick, as the young oddball’s therapist, is sure to strike gold. Elsewhere in “Life Skills,” Axl and Sue team up for a school project, much to the former’s consternation.
Stars in Danger: The High Dive
Celebrities including JWoww, Terrell Owens, and Alexandra Paul take part in a high-diving competition, while Olympic medalist Troy Dumais offers tips. That’s pretty much all there is to it. This is a way you could spend two hours of your Wednesday evening, if you so choose. That’s between you and your cable box.
The People’s Choice Awards
Kaley Cuoco hosts the 39th Annual People’s Choice Awards live from Los Angeles. Take a break from complaining about how snooty elites get the Emmys and Oscars totally wrong to instead whine about how the benighted masses get these awards totally wrong. Christina Aguilera and Alicia Keys are among the scheduled performers.
Oh, did you think the holiday season was officially behind us, it being the second week of January and all? Nuh-uh. Modern Family and its 14 quadrillion Emmys will tell you when the damn holiday season is over, capice? And it won’t be until after “New Year’s Eve,” in which Jay meets Billy Dee Williams while vacationing in Palm Springs, and Haley and Alex team up to babysit their younger relations.
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Two DAs are trying two different people for the same murder in separate proceedings, and each is racing to get the conviction first in “Beautiful Frame.” Weirdly, The Good Wife did this same plot a couple of months ago, which brings to mind the image of two legal show writers’ rooms banging out the same story, racing to get it to air first.
“Under the Knife” finds Casey struggling with family issues and Severide contemplating his future after coming clean about his injury. Meanwhile, Dawson finds a young survivor at the scene of a rescue call.
American Horror Story: Asylum
As Monsignor Howard tries to shut up Sister Jude, Dr. Thredson is visited by an unexpected guest. Considering that this season has already featured Anne Frank, Murder Santa, and the Prince of Darkness, “an unexpected guest” could mean pretty much any sapient life form that has ever graced the realms of reality or fiction. Josef Mengele? Love Boat favorite Charo? Three gnomes stacked on top of each other wearing an oversized trenchcoat and claiming to be American Horror Story executive producer Tim Minear? WHO THE HELL KNOWS? Tune in to “Spilt Milk” to find out.
The “Restaurant Wars” challenge is looming, with a Seattle food event the chosen battlefield. But first, the contestants compete to woo the palate of celebrity chef Wolfgang Puck.
– Ricky Gervais, Deepak Chopra, and Imagine Dragons on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– The Saturdays on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Jeff Bridges on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Paleontologist Neil Shubin on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Animal expert Dave Salmoni and Big Bad Voodoo Daddy on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Josh Brolin, Kathryn Bigelow, and Ray Wylie Hubbard on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Ryan Gosling and Brad Paisley on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– William H. Macy, Ginnfer Goodwin, and Rachael Ray on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– Steven Wright and Genesis Rodriguez on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS
WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING TONIGHT?