What to Watch Tonight: The Premieres of The Neighbors, South Park, and Modern Family

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What to watch on Wednesday, September 26...

Tonight we bear witness to just under a dozen premieres—and most of them aren't reality! And here I was starting to think the world had forgotten about scripted television. Take a look at all that we have to look forward to tonight:

SEASON 4 PREMIERE, 8pm, ABC
The Middle
I don't know why, but I feel like this has been on way longer than four seasons. It's just so comfortably familiar. In "Last Whiff of Summer" Frankie starts to feel a little too nostalgic about her youthful summers while Axl sacrifices his to attend summer school. Not only that, but Frankie also tries to pressure her kids into telling her which parent they love best. Meanwhile, Sue makes an effort to bond with her father and Brick grows a single tomato. Good for Brick!

TWO-HOUR SEASON 14 PREMIERE, 9pm, NBC
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
In the two-hour long "Lost Reputation, Above Suspicion" Cragen gets arrested after a prostitute shows up dead, and while authorities figure out what's really going on, the squad gets an interim captain who's a little too strict for comfort. And as Cragen does get investigated, suspicious eyes turn to the entire precinct. Also, Cassidy continues working undercover in a prostitution ring.

SEASON 4 PREMIERE, 9pm, ABC
Modern Family
Well if it isn't the show that swept the Emmys yet again! Whether you love or hate the superfluous attention it got on Sunday, one thing's for certain: It's back on television. (And you thought I was going to comment on the quality). In tonight's premiere, "Bringing Up Baby," Jay celebrates his bazillionth birthday and as is customary doesn't want to be bothered, but Phil decides to take him fishing, instead—and that turns out to be a great idea (sarcasm). Also, Gloria finally figures out how to tell him she's pregnant, Dylan "temporarily" moves in with the Dunphys, and Cameron and Mitchell think about adopting... a cat.


SERIES PREMIERE, 9:30pm, ABC
The Neighbors
Well, it's a show about aliens, I'll give it that. In the series opener, married couple Mary and Debbie Weaver finally make that big transition to the 'burbs and they think they've found the perfect gated community where their family can settle down. Of course, as soon as they figure out their neighbors are aliens they start to question their decision.


MID-SEASON PREMIERE, 10pm, Comedy Central
South Park
Back after a six-month break, South Park is coming back and I can only assume it's swingin'. In tonight's "Sarcastaball" Randy decides to spearhead a campaign to prevent head injuries in Football, and even though the execution of his ideas clouds the entire way the game is played, the new version of the game becomes a national sensation and one of South Park's students becomes an instant pro. Can you guess which one?


PLUS ALL NEW EPISODES OF...
Animal Practice, OFFICIAL SERIES PREMIERE, 8 p.m., NBC
Survivor: Philippines, 8 p.m., CBS
The X Factor, 8 p.m., Fox
Oh Sit!, 8 p.m., The CW
Guys With Kids, 8:30 p.m., NBC
Abandoned, 9 p.m., NatGeo
Criminal Minds, SEASON 8 PREMIERE, 9 p.m., CBS
Ghost Hunters, 9 p.m., Syfy
Not My Mama's Meals, 9 p.m., Cooking
Restaurant: Impossible, 9 p.m., Food
Sons of Guns, 9 p.m., Discovery
Toy Hunter, 9 p.m., Travel
Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry?, 9 p.m., Investigation Discovery
American Restoration, 9:30 p.m., History
Dirty Little Lies, 9:30 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Auction Hunters, 10 p.m., Spike
Cajun Pawn Stars, 10 p.m., History
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, SEASON 13 PREMIERE, 10 p.m., CBS
Family Guns, 10 p.m., NatGeo
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, 10 p.m., TLC
How Booze Built America, PART 2 of 3, 10 p.m., Discovery
House Hunters, 10 p.m., HGTV
I Married a Mobster, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Nadia G's Bitchin' Kitchen, SEASON 3 PREMIERE, 10 p.m., Cooking
Paranormal Witness, 10 p.m., Syfy
Restaurant Stakeout, 10 p.m., Food
Revenge, SNEAK PEEK SPECIAL, 10 p.m., ABC
The Challenge: Battle of the Seasons, 10 p.m., MTV
The Soup, 10 p.m., E!
Top Chef Masters, SEASON 4 FINALE, 10 p.m., Bravo
House Hunters International, 10:30 p.m., HGTV
Key & Peele, SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 10:30 p.m., Comedy Central

LATE-NITE PICKS:
Penny Marshall on Chelsea Lately, 11 p.m., E!
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Emily Deschanel, and comedian Jamie Lee on Conan, 11 p.m., TBS
British Prime Minister David Cameron, actor Jonny Lee Miller, and a performance by Mumford & Sons on Late Show With David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS
Kirstie Alley and Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno, 11:35 p.m., NBC
Keanu Reeves, Ginnifer Goodwin, and a performance by Hot Chip on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12 a.m., ABC
Ricky Gervais and Scott Speedman on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, 12:37 a.m., NBC
Jim Parsons on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS

 

What are you watching tonight?

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