What to Watch Tonight: The Series Premiere of American Horror Story, the Return of South Park, and Up All Night

What to watch on Wednesday, October 5...

Please take a break from the saxophone practice for a second— YES, you are good at saxophone. YES, your saxophone playing is sensual and captivating. YES, the quiet storm has arrived. But listen to me: It's time to watch TV!

American Horror Story
It's been a while since we've had a good, old-fashioned horror serial on TV, but is Ryan Murphy really the person to bring it to us? (We ALL know how Nip/Tuck ended up.) Anyway, American Horror Story follows a young family (headed up by Connie Britton and Dylan McDermott) attempting to make a fresh start after infidelity issues and a miscarriage. But will their relocation to a haunted L.A. mansion help or hinder things? HINT: It doesn't help.

MIDSEASON PREMIERE, 10pm, Comedy Central
South Park
Picking up where spring's incredibly downbeat midseason finale left off, Stan is still dealing with cynicism and Cartman comes to suspect he has Asberger's. Will their prognoses improve? Everyone knows that happiness is only a fecal-matter joke away.

8pm, NBC
Up All Night
Tonight Reagan and Chris continue to fight the good fight against their increasing uncoolness by shopping for a family car that won't look embarrassing. Plus Ava decides to incorporate more serious topics into her show, but doesn't want to have to actually deal with serious things. The classic Oprah Winfrey vs. Wendy Williams talk show host conundrum!

10pm, NBC
Law & Order: SVU
When a pregnant 13-year-old girl (OBVIOUSLY the plot starts this way) won't reveal who got her pregnant, the team must investigate all the possible statutory rapists in the area. This show.

SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, Discovery
Penn & Teller Tell a Lie
Penn & Teller have made a career of being snarky, intelligent skeptics of the fringes of the entertainment world, and their new Discovery series promises to continue that tradition. In Penn & Teller Tell a Lie, the magicians present seven outrageous stories or scenarios, and by the end you'll have to decide which story is the false one. Fine, GAME ON, you guys.

George Harrison: Living in the Material World
Martin Scorsese directs this two-part special (Part 2 airs tomorrow night) about George Harrison, the late, great Beatle who forged an incredible career through experimentation in music, drugs, religion, Indian music, the arts scene, and British cooking. (I'm guessing.)

H8R, 8 p.m., CW
I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, 8 p.m., TLC
Survivor: South Pacific, 8 p.m., CBS
The Middle, 8 p.m., ABC
The X Factor, 8 p.m., Fox
Free Agents, 8:30 p.m., NBC
Suburgatory, 8:30 p.m., ABC
America's Next Top Model, 9 p.m., CW
Criminal Minds, 9 p.m., CBS
Ghost Hunters, 9 p.m., Syfy
Harry's Law, 9 p.m., NBC
Law & Order: UK, 9 p.m., BBC America
Modern Family, 9 p.m., ABC
MythBusters, 9 p.m., Discovery
Happy Endings, 9:30 p.m., ABC
Raising Hope, 9:30 p.m., Fox
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, 10 p.m., CBS
Dance Moms, SEASON 1 FINALE, 10 p.m., Lifetime
Dark Matters: Twisted but True, SEASON 1 FINALE, 10 p.m., Science
Extreme Couponing, 10 & 10:30 p.m., TLC
Luther, 10 p.m., BBC America
Paranormal Witness, 10 p.m., Syfy
Real World, 10 p.m., MTV
Revenge, 10 p.m., ABC
The Ultimate Fighter, 10 p.m., Spike
Top Chef: Just Desserts, 10 p.m., Bravo
Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry?, 10 p.m., Investigation Discovery
Nick Swardson's Pretend Time, SEASON 2 PREMIERE, 10:30 p.m., Comedy Central
Blue Mountain State, 11 p.m., Spike

Evan Rachel Wood & Portishead on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:35 a.m., NBC
George Clooney on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35 p.m., CBS
Gloria Estefan & Ana Gasteyer on The Wendy Williams Show, 12 a.m., BET
Hugh Jackman on Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11 p.m., Comedy Central
Joel McHale on Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37 a.m., CBS
Mos Def & Talib Kweli on Colbert Report, 11:30 p.m., Comedy Central
Paul Haggis on Last Call with Carson Daly, 1:35 a.m., NBC
Will Arnett on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 12 a.m., ABC


What are you watching tonight?

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