What to watch on Thursday, February 14...
SERIES PREMIERE, 8pm, ABC
Fans of cuckoopants genre dramas on Thursday nights, you lost a powerful asset when NBC axed Do No Harm after only 14 people watched it. But perhaps ABC can interest you in this new supernatural-mystery-time travel-thriller trail mix, seemingly conceived by a “high-concept TV”-themed edition of Apples to Apples. Clocks! Treasure maps! Nazis! Conspiracies! Anthony Edwards! Apocalypse! More clocks!
The Big Bang Theory
“The Tangible Affection Proof” finds Leonard planning a romantic Valentine’s Day dinner for Penny. This strikes me as quixotic at best, considering such things are giant honking magnets for disruptive hijinks when you live in a sitcom. And oh look! Here come those hijinks in the forms of Howard, Bernadette, and Penny’s ex-boyfriend!
Parks and Recreation
A citywide emergency preparedness drill thwarts Leslie’s plans to raise money for the parks via a fancy soiree, though hopefully plans for Amy Poehler to dazzle in a cocktail dress remain intact. Elsewhere in “Emergency Response,” Leslie’s absence forces Ron to fill in on Pawnee Today, while Andy gears up to take the police academy entrance exam.
New Directioneers past and present gather to celebrate the Valentine’s Day wedding of Will and Emma in “I Do.” Spoiler alert: Will has written his own vows, which he will deliver via whiteboard.
WINTER PREMIERE, 9pm, AMC
Comic Book Men
The adventures of Kevin Smith and his fellow proprietors of ye olde comic shoppe resume as the crew makes plans to attend a cosplay MMA competition in “The Clash at the Stash.” Say what you will about the titular men themselves, but isn’t it heartening that AMC’s reality shows can spotlight oft-maligned subcultures without resorting to broad, attention-grabbing pejoratives?
SERIES PREMIERE, 9:30pm, AMC
Um. May’ve spoken too soon. Life at California’s Venice Beach Freakshow is explored, beginning with the team’s efforts to enlist a living giant and a bearded lady for the two-headed bearded dragon’s birthday party. Well, golly, AMC. Your new programming slate tonight can’t get any more outré than that, right?
SERIES PREMIERE, 10pm, AMC
Oh what in the actual living hell, AMC? Professional taxidermists compete against amateurs in this new reality series. Did you know that there was such a thing as amateur taxidermy? Well, now you do. You will carry that knowledge with you for the rest of your life, and you have AMC to thank.
SERIES PREMIERE, 10:30pm, MTV
In which comedians Nicole Byer, Mike Cannon, and Jared Freid are paid legal U.S. tender to discuss particularly noteworthy internet “fails” (as I’m given to understand is the parlance of today’s youths), and consequently I am also paid to alert you to the existence of said discussion.
– Dr. Phil McGraw, Julianne Hough, and The Vaccines on Conan, 11pm, TBS
– Julianne Hough on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Ambassador Susan Rice on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– California lieutenant governer Gavin Newsom on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Animal expert Jarod Miller, Timothy Olyphant, and Colbie Caillat & Gavin DeGraw on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Jerry Seinfeld and Dave Grohl & The Sound City Players with Stevie Nicks on Late Show with David Letterman, 11:35pm, CBS
– Rachel Weisz and Josh Groban on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Bruce Willis, Molly Shannon, and Trinidad James on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC
– George Lopez and Sutton Foster on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, 12:37am, CBS
WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING TONIGHT?