What to watch on Thursday, March 28...
8pm, The CW
The Vampire Diaries
This has been quite the globe-trotting season so far: First Canada, then New York, and now... small-town Pennsylvania! That’s where Elena and Rebekah go Katherine-hunting in “American Gothic,” and where they bump into Elijah for good measure. Oh, he’s not interested in Katherine or the cure or any of that meshugas—he’s just there for the best damn antiquing east of the Alleghany.
SEASON 1 FINALE, 8:30pm & 9:30pm, NBC
Hannah Simone tries to bring some of that hip New Girl cred to NBC when she guest-stars as an Andorran princess in tonight’s first outing, “Bursting the Bubble.” And Larry King tries to bring some of that hip “Hey remember in the ‘90s when Larry King was a fairly huge TV pundit?” cred when he guest-stars as Larry King in the second episode and season finale, “Marry Me, Baby,” in which the legality of the president’s marriage may be revealed as less than complete. Sounds like a never-to-be-resolved cliffhanger to me! Because the show is almost certainly going to be canceled, I mean.
SEASON 3 FINALE, 9pm & 9:30pm, Fox
Either Fox is pulling one seriously goofy scheduling move here—bringing a Tuesday sitcom out of hibernation on a different night and time for its season finale—or this is by far the most elaborate theme episode Glee has ever attempted. Well, the first half-hour, “Burt Mitzvah: The Musical,” does find Burt turning to song to get in touch with his newly discovered Jewish heritage. No word on whether the second episode, “Mother’s Day,” will offer Maw-Maw the spotlight aria she’s long dreamt of when the Chances visit her childhood home.
The hospital is flooded with victims of a highway gas tanker explosion, and considering the episode is called “Can’t Fight This Feeling,” it will be a huge missed opportunity if that explosion wasn’t caused by a careening speedwagon. Elsewhere, former TV doctor and new ABC employee Sarah Chalke needs Meredith and Jo to determine the source of her child’s unusual malady.
It’s Pope & Associates to the rescue when Hollis’s daughter is kidnapped and when David needs sanctuary from the ongoing danger pursuing him. Meanwhile in “Snake in the Garden,” Olivia and Jake’s dalliance heats up, Mellie lays down the law with Fitz, and Cyrus connives to win back the president’s favor.
Okay, so a spy, a valet, and the Pope walk into a bar. Well, maybe. Hey, it could be part of Archer’s plan to stop an assassination attempt on the pontiff in “The Papal Chase,” with Woodhouse in tow to act as a decoy. It’s not like it’d be the first plan of Archer’s to entail entering a bar.
10:30pm, Comedy Central
Nathan For You
Nathan’s fear of womenfolk prompts him to date 10 of them at once in what’s either a disquieting kind of shock therapy or a potentially dynamite chorus line. Also, Nathan tries to “scare up” some business for a haunted house, and yes, I’ve just been sued by the Cryptkeeper for making that pun.
Dave Houser and a challenger square off in a competition centered on the theme “First Love.” Um. This is... this is still a show about taxidermy, right? Animals? Corpses? Things that maybe don’t fit so snugly or, shall we say, lawfully, with facets of romantic love? AMC, you are already on a short leash after last week. Don’t press your luck.
– Gerard Butler on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Author Denise Kiernan on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Author and pediatric endocrinologist Robert Lustig on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Kim Kardashian, Willie Geist, and Imagine Dragons on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Dwayne Johnson, Saoirse Ronan, and Kendrick Lamar on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Tyler Perry, Nick Offerman, Thom Filicia, and Blake Shelton on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC