What to Watch Tonight: The Vampire Diaries, Grey's Anatomy, and Raising Hope's Season 3 Finale


What to watch on Thursday, March 28...


8pm, The CW
The Vampire Diaries
This has been quite the globe-trotting season so far: First Canada, then New York, and now... small-town Pennsylvania! That’s where Elena and Rebekah go Katherine-hunting in “American Gothic,” and where they bump into Elijah for good measure. Oh, he’s not interested in Katherine or the cure or any of that meshugas—he’s just there for the best damn antiquing east of the Alleghany.


SEASON 1 FINALE, 8:30pm & 9:30pm, NBC
1600 Penn
Hannah Simone tries to bring some of that hip New Girl cred to NBC when she guest-stars as an Andorran princess in tonight’s first outing, “Bursting the Bubble.” And Larry King tries to bring some of that hip “Hey remember in the ‘90s when Larry King was a fairly huge TV pundit?” cred when he guest-stars as Larry King in the second episode and season finale, “Marry Me, Baby,” in which the legality of the president’s marriage may be revealed as less than complete. Sounds like a never-to-be-resolved cliffhanger to me! Because the show is almost certainly going to be canceled, I mean. 


SEASON 3 FINALE, 9pm & 9:30pm, Fox
Raising Hope
Either Fox is pulling one seriously goofy scheduling move here—bringing a Tuesday sitcom out of hibernation on a different night and time for its season finale—or this is by far the most elaborate theme episode Glee has ever attempted. Well, the first half-hour, “Burt Mitzvah: The Musical,” does find Burt turning to song to get in touch with his newly discovered Jewish heritage. No word on whether the second episode, “Mother’s Day,” will offer Maw-Maw the spotlight aria she’s long dreamt of when the Chances visit her childhood home.


9pm, ABC
Grey’s Anatomy
The hospital is flooded with victims of a highway gas tanker explosion, and considering the episode is called “Can’t Fight This Feeling,” it will be a huge missed opportunity if that explosion wasn’t caused by a careening speedwagon. Elsewhere, former TV doctor and new ABC employee Sarah Chalke needs Meredith and Jo to determine the source of her child’s unusual malady.


10pm, ABC
Scandal
It’s Pope & Associates to the rescue when Hollis’s daughter is kidnapped and when David needs sanctuary from the ongoing danger pursuing him. Meanwhile in “Snake in the Garden,” Olivia and Jake’s dalliance heats up, Mellie lays down the law with Fitz, and Cyrus connives to win back the president’s favor.


10pm, FX
Archer
Okay, so a spy, a valet, and the Pope walk into a bar. Well, maybe. Hey, it could be part of Archer’s plan to stop an assassination attempt on the pontiff in “The Papal Chase,” with Woodhouse in tow to act as a decoy. It’s not like it’d be the first plan of Archer’s to entail entering a bar.


10:30pm, Comedy Central
Nathan For You
Nathan’s fear of womenfolk prompts him to date 10 of them at once in what’s either a disquieting kind of shock therapy or a potentially dynamite chorus line. Also, Nathan tries to “scare up” some business for a haunted house, and yes, I’ve just been sued by the Cryptkeeper for making that pun.


11pm, AMC
Immortalized
Dave Houser and a challenger square off in a competition centered on the theme “First Love.” Um. This is... this is still a show about taxidermy, right? Animals? Corpses? Things that maybe don’t fit so snugly or, shall we say, lawfully, with facets of romantic love? AMC, you are already on a short leash after last week. Don’t press your luck.


LATE-NITE:
– Gerard Butler on Chelsea Lately, 11pm, E!
– Author Denise Kiernan on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 11pm, Comedy Central
– Author and pediatric endocrinologist Robert Lustig on The Colbert Report, 11:30pm, Comedy Central
– Kim Kardashian, Willie Geist, and Imagine Dragons on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, 11:35pm, NBC
– Dwayne Johnson, Saoirse Ronan, and Kendrick Lamar on Jimmy Kimmel Live, 11:35pm, ABC
– Tyler Perry, Nick Offerman, Thom Filicia, and Blake Shelton on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, 12:37am, NBC



WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING TONIGHT?


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ARYA! (Sorry, I had to get that out of my system.)

Welcome back all you Warg-loving Westerosi! (Get it right, Tim!)

(Note:

ARYA STARK:

Move over Robb and Jon! The most ferocious Stark is back! I literally cheered when she came onto the screen. I was like, "IT'S ARYA!" And my friends were like "Yeah, so?" (My friends are idiots.) I can tell you after the episode was 20 minutes old and there was nary an appearance of our dear bygone named Arry, I was starting to get seriously worried. But of course the showrunners aren't that stupid. Two episodes without Arya? Can you say "Angry mob with torches incoherently screaming VALAR MORGHULIS over and over again?" 'Cause that's the most mild reaction to two straight Arya-less episodes I can think of. Although, I WAS a little disappointed with the very subdued introduction she received. Maybe it's just me, but I was expecting more pomp and circumstance. You know, maybe a close-up on her eye, a la LOST. But no, she's just all of a sudden walking in the Forrest with Gendry and Hotpie, chastising them on their stupidity: QUOTE HERE (Okay, maybe her season 3 intro wasn't THAT bad.)

Especially considering her situation was spiced up rather quickly, by none other than The Brotherhood Without Banners! a.k.a. The Knights of Hollow Hill. a.k.a. The Forgotten Fellowship. (Someone's a LOTR fan!) I'm sure there was a few non-bookies that were a tad mystified as to who these merry band of marauding brothers are exactly, so here's my first installment of:

A GoT History Lesson:

The Brotherhood Without Banners was originally founded by Beric Dondarrion and Thoros of Myr. After reports of marauding raiders in the Riverlands had reached King's Landing, the (at the time and still with his stupid and honourable head on his shoulders) Hand of the King, Eddard Stark, sent out a force under the command of Beric Dondarrion, including some of his own men, to stop the marauders and bring them to justice. According to witnesses the raiders were led by a man of monstrous size, whom Eddard realized could only be Ser Gregor Clegane. When the group was first sent out, Ser Gregor had been declared an outlaw, but after the death of Robert Baratheon and the beheading of Ned Stark, the roles were reversed. Now Clegane was fighting in the name of the law, while Dondarrion and his group were declared outlaws. There had been voices within the group that thought they should surrender themselves, but Dondarrion convinced everybody to continue the fight in the name of King Robert as to uphold the spirit of Robert's decree and protect the people.

And so you have TBWB! (Hmmm. That acronym takes all the whimsy out of the name.)

The only characters of The Brotherhood that really made an impression in this episode were of course Thoros of Myr (a VERY interesting gentleman as you non-bookies will soon discover) and Anguy the Archer. He's just as good as Legolas with a bow (there were two awesome displays of archery that would put Oliver Queen to shame), but he also has a fondness for whores and drink. That's my kind of (An)guy!

Anyway, I definitely think Arya made an impression on them! What a little she-wolf! She doesn't take shit from anybody and I love her for it. But just before she could make her exit from The Brotherhood, The Hound fucked it all up and outed her as a Stark. Thanks a lot, Hound! You suck! (Just kidding, The Hound is awesome.) It never feels like we get enough Arya time and I'm waiting with bated breath to see some more of my second favourite character next week. More Arya please, show!

SANSA/THE QUEEN OF THORNS:

Okay, let me start by stating I've NEVER been a Sansa-hater. Can you imagine the horror of living with the prospect of marrying Joffrey? (Am I right, ladies?) But I CAN at least understand the frustration some people have with her character, especially when she's compared to her sister. Arya is the master of her fate and the captain of her soul. Full grown men don't have as much moxy as Arya, so it's not fair to compare her to Sansa. Different death-strokes for different folks, you know? But Sansa HAS perpetually been a passenger in her own story. Never really making proactive decisions, but rather reacting to the calamities that befall her. It also doesn't help that she's somewhat timid and naive.

SO

It was a refreshing for Sansa to encounter some women that know how the game is played. Olenna Tyrell was everything I hoped she'd be and more. The wit! The intelligence! The forthrightness! What a woman! I'd love to watch her lock tongues with Tyrion some day... Wait, that didn't come out right. What I meant is I'd love to see her verbally spar with Tyrion at a later juncture (that's a less gross way of saying it). The Queen of Thorns (and Countess of Cheese) is not someone to be taken lightly. She could make a formidable foe OR an amiable ally... Are you listening, Sansa?!

JAIME/BRIENNE:

JOFFREY/MARGAERY:

CERSEI: Still a bitch... What? Are you surprised?

JON/YGRITTE:

"You've never met a Warg before?"

Haha! Never change, Ygritte. Maybe Jon Snow will know SOMETHING by the time your through with him. Like, maybe how to take 15 layers of clothes off a woman. (And you thought taking off a bra was hard!)

TYRION/SHAE:

ROBB:

CATELYN:

TALISSA:

DANY/DAVOS/STANNIS/MELISANDRE: Miss you guys! (Especially Melisandre. Save the last non-believer to burn alive for me!)

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and Conan. Don't know why you didn't mention his show here but that's my late night pick
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I can't wait to watch the remaining episodes of The Office.
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Raising Hope is awesome! Please don't cancel it!
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Staff
No worries, it's already been renewed for a fourth season.
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Hallelujah! :D
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Aw man, WTF Thursday? You afraid of Friday just because it's "Good"?!?
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Nothing worth watching tonight
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Scooby Doo Mystery Inc
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Whoa. Slooooow shoooow day.
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Honestly nothing tonight has my interest, not even the NCAA Basketball Tournament. I'm thinking of seeing what Downton Abby is all about though on Hulu.
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Nada
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