I started watching White Collar because my 16-year-old daughter gave it a thumbs up (she got sucked in after watching the pilot for free on iTunes). But I continued watching because (as we’ve all heard, ad nauseum) Matt Bomer, who plays Neal Caffrey, is pretty irresistible. He’s debonair like Alexander Mundy (Robert Wagner) of It Takes a Thief fame (I know, I’m dating myself), but has the boyish grin of Justin Bartha (The Hangover). And best of all, the dude wears a hat. Attention, men: I’m convinced that if you’d just do a Cary Grant and slap on a hat now and then, you’d be getting a lot more horizontal action.
As I enter my cougar years, I need to permit myself these harmless bouts of boy-lust so I don’t do something foolish in real life (as if this admission isn’t embarrassing enough). So last night, as I tuned in to White Collar's first new episode of 2010 (the initial seven-episode run ended with a cliffhanger in December), I was all ready for Mr. Hottie. Except, as I realized after about 10 minutes, Neal Caffrey is not really that hot after all. He’s appealing, yes (those eyes, that grin), but I’ve decided he’s kind of asexual. He’s so darn polite. And charming. Perhaps too clean? Call me fickle, but it seems he has more chemistry with FBI dude Peter Burke (Tim DeKay, whom I thought at one point was going to perform mouth-to-mouth on Neal) than he seems to ever have with any woman. Thoughts?
Since I’d fallen a little bit out of love with Neal, I had time to make other observations about the episode, which had Neal busting up a Wall Street scam and still trying to figure out the identity of “The Ring Man.” Here are a few of them:
... References to testicles: 2 (1 balls, 1 cojones)
... Significant sidelong glances between Neal and Peter: 5 (could it be any more obvious that they’re working together, glance, glance?)
... Dark-haired female characters who after 8 episodes still all look alike to me: 3 (Peter’s wife, the girlfriend Kate, and an FBI agent)
... Double entendres as Neal (who is acting like a hurt schoolgirl) hints to Peter that he’s losing trust in him: 4
... Cool techy tools: 2 (pen recorder, cigar-shaped oxygen dispenser—which set up Neal’s best line of the episode, when he got said cigar device: “The FBI’s been watching Thunderball.”)
I also paid a bit more attention to Mozzie, Willie Garson’s character. Now, that guy is pretty interesting. He’s actually kind of sexy in that bald-headed, cool-dressin’, hipster glasses, dweebie way. But, wait: I noticed HE wears a ring too! The plot thickens! Maybe, there are TWO “Ring Men”?! Well, maybe not. But with all the double crosses and who’s spying on whom on White Collar, you just never know what’s going to happen next.