Your Everything Guide to New Year's TV Marathons

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Whether you're cozying up and staying in on New Year's Eve or getting out the icepack to recover at home on New Year's Day, New Year’s TV marathons are one of our finest holiday traditions. Here are a few of the noteworthy options for your intensive couch session—helpfully organized by viewer profile. (All times listed are EST.)

If you: hold a dystopian view of the future...
The marathon to watch is: Twilight Zone
Airs: December 31 - January 1, 8am - 4:30am on SyFy

If you: want to take your relationship with Ed Begley, Jr. to the next level...
The marathon to watch is: Living with Ed
Airs: December 31, 11am - 2:30pm on Green Planet

If you: enjoy watching people in excruciating pain who probably shouldn't be out in the public anyway...
The marathon to watch is: Untold Stories of the E.R.
Airs: December 31, 12 noon - 5pm on TLC

If you: think yourself a wise guy...
The marathon to watch is: The Three Stooges
Airs: December 31 - January 1, 7am - 5:30am on AMC

If you: are a gay nerd...
The marathon to watch is: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Airs: January 1, 6am - 11pm on Logo, a gay- and lesbian-themed network

If you: are hoping for a spooky new year...
The marathon to watch is: Ghost Lab
Airs: December 31 - January 1, 9am - 2am on Discovery

If you: don't think it's weird to, once a year, watch TV all day long while eating only M&Ms; (separated by color, of course)...
The marathon to watch is: Strange Rituals
Airs: December 31 - January 1, 2pm - 2am on History Channel

If you: want to feel less guilty about how much you ate over the holidays...
The marathon to watch is: Andrew Zimmern's Bizarre World and Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern
Airs: December 31, 9am - 11pm on Travel Channel

If you: still miss Bea Arthur (and who doesn't?)...
The marathon to watch is: Golden Girls
Airs: January 1, 10am - 6:30pm on WE

If you: made a New Year’s resolution to finally get off the couch and exercise (which you’ll start tomorrow)...
The marathon to watch is: The Biggest Loser
Airs: January 1, 7 am - 3am on Fine Living Network

If you:: subscribe to the belief that we must destroy in order to create...
The marathon to watch is: Disaster House
Airs: January 1, 7am - 2:30am on DIY Network

If you: are new-age romantic who appreciates big ears, permed-out pimps, overbearing neighbors, and Detroit talk radio...
The marathon to watch is: Martin
Airs: January 1, 9am - 5:30am on TV One


Plus!

The Next Food Network Star, December 31, 3pm - 3am on Food Network
Real Housewives of Atlanta, December 31, 1pm - 4:30pm on Bravo
Las Vegas, December 31, 11am - 6pm on TNT
World Extreme Cagefighting, December 31, 2pm - 8pm on Versus
South Park, December 31, 9pm - 11:30pm on Comedy Central
Meet My Folks, December 31, 9am - 1pm on Fox Reality
Married...With Children, January 1, 4:30pm - 8:30pm on TV Land
Bait Car, January 1, 7pm - 10:30pm on TruTV
Law & Order: SVU, January 1, 10am - 5am on USA

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