Andy Richter

Andy: I wouldn't want to be a talk show host. That's another awkward compliment people make. "You should have your own talk show." And I think, no thank you.

Andy: You're boring me. You're doing it wrong.

Andy: (On being prom king) Because homecoming came first, and there was the homecoming court. The five guys on homecoming court were disqualified from being in the prom court. So being prom king was being sixth most popular.

Andy: When I first started working, it was a little bit like that. They said, "Come be a writer, but we'll find a place for you to perform somehow." Initially, I wasn't that helpful as a writer. Because, if you tell me what the bit is, I can come up with jokes for it. I can write dialogue, but what they needed was guys who could say, Okay, it's a machine where you put in a piece of fruit and pull on this lever and out comes a celebrity joke.

Andy: We've been swimming at nude beaches and I love to go skinny dipping, but I'm sorry, sitting on top of a mountain, that's just, you're trying to show off or something! That's ridiculous.

Andy: Some people are born with a brain that has this weird, magical mathematical thing that makes them an amazing jazz musician.

Andy: If somebody's looking at pictures of naked people and you go, "Oh I don't want to see that," you're lying. Cause naked people are always interesting. Always. Whether they're beautiful, or naked or 500 pounds.