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Andy Rooney: Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch.
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Andy: I'm proud of my Irish heritage, but I'm not Irish. I'm not even Irish-American. I am American, period.
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Andy: Neat people are small, petty, nit-picking individuals who keep accurate checkbooks, get ahead in life and keep their celler, their attics and their garages free of treasured possessions. I detest neat people.
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Andy: (on Larry King Live): There is just no question that I, among others, have a liberal bias. I mean, I'm consistently liberal in my opinions.