Barney Martin

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  • The Finale (1)

    Full Episode

    S 9 : Ep 23 - 5/14/98

    The new president of NBC calls a meeting with Jerry and George and offers them a series based on the pilot "Jerry". On their way to a celebratory trip to Paris, NBC jet needs to make an emergency landing in Latham, Massachusetts. While there, the gang stands idly by during a carjacking and is arrested on a new "Good Samaritan Law".moreless
  • The Bookstore

    Full Episode

    S 9 : Ep 17 - 4/9/98

    Jerry is disturbed when spots Uncle Leo shoplifting. George takes a book into a bookstore's bathroom, and is outraged when they force him to buy it. Kramer and Newman plan to bring rickshaws to New York. Meanwhile, Elaine embarrasses herself again at the annual Peterman party - this time by making out with a stranger.moreless
  • The Wizard

    Full Episode

    S 9 : Ep 15 - 2/26/98

    Jerry buys his dad a $200 Wizard organizer for a birthday present. George receives a message from Susan's parents, the Rosses. Jerry and George debate about the race of Elaine's new boyfriend and that intrigues her (is he black?). George returns the call from the Rosses; the Foundation is having an event this weekend, but George can't attend, he has to close on his house in the Hamptons. Kramer announces his retirement, a Hollywood big shot has optioned his coffee table book about coffee tables. Elaine finds evidence that leads her to believe her boyfriend is black. Susan's parents see George on the street in the city, during the time he is supposed to be in the Hamptons. Jerry is woken up early in the morning at his parent's house and gives his father the "$50" organizer that has many features besides a tip calculator. Later he discovers that Kramer has moved down there, to join the other retirees. Elaine laughs when Susan's parents ask her about George's house in the Hamptons. Of course, George just builds on the lie. Morty, who can't run for president of the condo association, decides that Kramer should run for condo board president of Del Boca Vista phase III. Once Kramer is elected, Morty will run things from behind the scenes. Elaine schemes to try to determine her boyfriend's race. George finds out the Rosses knew that he lied. He decides to take them to the Hamptons, to "see who'll blink first." Kramer begins his campaign and the Boca Breeze has good things to say about him (see NOTE:). When Elaine's boyfriend says they are an interracial couple, she is convinced he is black. George keeps building on his lie, as he picks up the Rosses and takes them on their ride to the Hamptons. Kramer receives some bad press from the Boca Breeze; it's damage control time. Kramer suggests buying each member of the board one of those Wizard tip calculators. Jerry knows he can't get the deal he told his father he'd received, but Kramer says not to worry, Bob Saccamando's father lives down here and can help them out. Elaine and her boyfriend discover that each is not the race they thought the other was. Saccamando's father comes through with knock-off tip calculators called Willard, they are defective and the election is lost. George and the Rosses reach the Hamptons, where the truth wins out.moreless
  • The Blood

    Full Episode

    S 9 : Ep 4 - 10/16/97

    Jerry has an encounter with an Exacto knife and ends up having an infusion of 3 pints of Kramer's blood infused into him because Kramer decided to store his blood. Jerry's parents buy him sessions with personal trainer, Izzy, who's going to help him work off his spare tire because they are concerned with his lack of exercise. George decides that adding television and food to his equation will make sex even better. Elaine visits her friend Vivian and is disappointed when Vivian implies that she isn't responsible enough to watch her son Jimmy, so she works overtime to prove how responsible she is.moreless
  • The English Patient

    Full Episode

    S 8 : Ep 17 - 3/13/97

    A woman mistakes George for her boyfriend Neil, a guy who looks just like him. This intrigues George; he wants to meet Neil. Jerry is going to Florida to help his parents move. Kramer asks him to pick up some Cubans from his cigar guy and also gives him a T-shirt. Elaine and her boyfriend see "The English Patient"; she absolutely hates it and that makes her unpopular and dumped. Jerry's dad gets the T-shirt, #1 Dad, that he is very proud to wear, despite its small size. At his parents' exercise room, Jerry meets Izzy, an 80-year-old man who can't stand to lose; he challenges Jerry to a weightlifting competition; "It's go time!" He throws his back out again and again. Kramer's Cubans arrive; they're real people and not the cigars that Jerry thought he would be getting. George is overly obsessed with Neil, to the point where he is missing out on Danielle. Jerry is back in New York, where Izzy has returned to see a back specialist. Though Kramer's Cubans are really Dominicans he tries to pass them off as "Cubans" anyway; it doesn't work. Elaine's dislike for the film alienates her from everyone. When she tells Peterman that she hasn't seen the film, he immediately takes steps to correct the situation. Jerry meets the rest of Izzy's family all of who are fiercely competitive. He finds work for Kramer's "Cubans." Elaine still hates the movie, but must go to the Tunisian desert to live in a cave to save her job. Kramer thinks his unemployed Dominicans, whom he educated about communism, are planning to revolt; later they do. George gets a last word on Neil when Danielle makes a decision between the two of them.moreless
  • The Van Buren Boys

    Full Episode

    S 8 : Ep 14 - 2/6/97

    Jerry's girlfriend, Ellen, seems perfect in every way, but everyone else seems to have a problem with her. George interviews candidates for the Foundation's first scholarship. The candidates seem over-qualified, until one comes in who is a lot like he was. Elaine is going to ghost write Peterman's biography. Kramer goes to Lorenzo's pizza, where he has an encounter with the Van Buren boys. He accidentally flashes their gang sign and saves himself. Peterman wants his day to day life covered in his bio; the exotic adventures are for the catalog. His day-to-day life is very boring. She tells him about Kramer's encounter with the gang and he suggests buying the story for his biography. George's scholar makes a change in his plans that causes George to disqualify him from the scholarship. Kramer sells Peterman all of his stories for $750 dollars. Elaine is put at his disposal. To Elaine, Kramer's stories aren't much more interesting. George and Kramer perform an intervention on Jerry's relationship with Ellen. George's scholar joins the Van Buren boys, who apply pressure on George to get the scholarship back. Elaine tells Kramer that he can no longer tell his stories, since they now belong to Peterman. Elaine tries to embellish Kramer's stories, but Peterman finds the rewrites "too clichéd and obvious." She tells him the real Kramer story that he finds much more interesting. He tells Kramer he can have his stories back. George tries to save himself from the Van Buren boys. Jerry flies his parents in to get their impression of Ellen. He begins to see the light.moreless
  • The Money

    Full Episode

    S 8 : Ep 12 - 1/16/97

    Jerry's parents sell the Cadillac to Jack Klompus for $6000 in order to give Jerry some money to help him out. They along with Kramer suggest that Jerry might try a career move. Elaine talks about her Peterman stock options and buys George's coffee. He thinks she is sticking it to him. Jerry and George talk about the money their parents might have. This piques George's interest. Kramer seeks advice from Elaine about his girlfriend's post-sex bed habit "she's got the jimmy legs." Jerry flies to Florida to buy the Cadillac back. George seeks information on his family's health history. Kramer works out a deal with his girlfriend. Jerry meets with Klompus and agrees to pay $14,000 for it. George anticipating a big inheritance begins to spend money. Unfortunately for him, so do his parents. Klompus has a problem with the car and Jerry returns to Florida. Jerry's parents are still worried about him and wonder what to do. Morty decides to see Elaine about a job; she reluctantly agrees to give him a job, just as Peterman returns. Kramer, fearing a prowler (Jerry's dad), decides he can no longer sleep alone; unfortunately his girlfriend has decided she can. So he moves in with the Costanzas, who tell George that they are moving to Florida. Elaine returns to her regular position at Peterman, with no options. George and Elaine try to discuss their respective problems. Still in Florida, strapped for cash and credit, Jerry sleeps in the Cadillac. Kramer and Emily spend the night as an old married couple in the Costanzas' house. The Seinfelds make a change in their housing as the Costanzas try to settle into their new place.moreless
  • The Little Jerry

    Full Episode

    S 8 : Ep 11 - 1/9/97

    Jerry is disgraced when his clown patterned check bounces and is displayed outside the local bodega. Elaine starts dating a man who shaves his head but when he's depressed when he finds out he's going bald. George hooks up with a convict through the foundation and things go surprisingly well. Kramer buys a chicken in the hope of fresh eggs but when it turns out to be a Rooster, he trains it to cock-fight.moreless
  • The Shower Head

    Full Episode

    S 7 : Ep 16 - 2/15/96

    Elaine gets a physical for a pending trip with Peterman to Africa. Her physical test results show positive for opium, so Peterman fires her. Jerry parent's are in seclusion in New York while biding time until they can move back to Florida. George tries to convince his parents to move to Florida. The shower heads in Jerry's building are being replaced with a new low-flow model; Newman finds a source for black market shower heads. The Seinfelds tell the Costanzas that there is no room for them in Florida that gives Frank all the incentive he needs to move. George is delighted. Elaine finds the cause of her opium addiction and finds a donor for her next physical. Jerry makes a joke on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno at the expense of Uncle Leo and he pays the price for making fun of the family.moreless
  • The Doodle

    Full Episode

    S 6 : Ep 20 - 4/6/95

    Jerry discovers that his apartment is infested with fleas. As it's being fumigated Elaine can't get at a manuscript she needs for a job interview, Kramer loses his sense of taste, and Jerry's obsession with hygiene gets him into his girlfriend's bad books. Meanwhile, George finds out that his girlfriend doesn't care about looks… which may be less of an insult than he originally thought.moreless
  • The Kiss Hello

    Full Episode

    S 6 : Ep 17 - 2/16/95

    Elaine's friend, a physical therapist, whom Jerry must "kiss hello," has an old style hairdo, that Jerry and Elaine want Kramer to comment on. Jerry's grandmother wants him to open a ketchup bottle and she tells a story about some money that Uncle Leo was supposed to give his sister. Jerry's father is anxious to collect the money and interest Leo owes. Kramer puts tenant pictures up in the lobby and soon Jerry is giving every woman in the building, the "kiss hello"; however, when he stops, he becomes unpopular. George gets his arm looked at, misses a follow up appointment and must pay for that visit. The therapist skips out on her patients, including George, and goes skiing with Elaine. After their trip, she drops Elaine off 3 blocks from her apartment. Elaine injures her shoulder carrying her equipment home, and can't get any complementary treatment. Jerry gets proof of his uncle's dishonesty.moreless
  • The Raincoats (1)

    Full Episode

    S 5 : Ep 18 - 4/28/94

    Jerry's parents are staying with him while they wait to take their trip to Paris and he's just returned from three weeks on the road can't get anytime alone with his girlfriend. George tries to get out of the big brother program, just after he gets talked into it. The Seinfelds avoid the Costanza's dinner invitation. Elaine's latest boyfriend, who's a "close talker," becomes unusually fixated on Jerry's parents and shows them New York City. Kramer makes a deal with Jerry's father to sell belt-less raincoats to a secondhand shop and George sells his father's moth-ridden cabana style clothing, right before they plan a cruise.moreless
  • The Wife

    Full Episode

    S 5 : Ep 17 - 3/17/94

    Jerry and his girlfriend pretend to be married to get a discount on dry cleaning. George worries when a man Elaine is interested in threatens to turn him in for urinating in the gym showers. Kramer's quilt is taken to the dry cleaners and he gets less sleep without it. Jerry's relationship with his "wife" begins to deteriorate and soon starts seeing another woman behind her back. Wanting to impress his girlfriend's parents, Kramer enters a tanning bed, but becomes a little too dark when he falls asleep.moreless
  • The Outing

    Full Episode

    S 4 : Ep 17 - 2/11/93

    No thanks to Elaine, Jerry must work hard to prove he is straight when a college reporter mistakenly reports that he and George are gay, "not that there is anything wrong with that." Things really get out of hand when the article is picked up by the New York Post. Jerry ends up dating the college reporter to clear his name, but all does not go well.moreless
  • The Watch (2)

    Full Episode

    S 4 : Ep 6 - 9/30/92

    Jerry has dinner with his parents and Uncle Leo. Women, who's paying and the watch are all discussed. Elaine uses Kramer as "her boyfriend" in trying to fool her shrink. George gets Russell's address and tries to get the pilot reinstated. Jerry tries to buy back the watch. Outside her shrink's office, Elaine meets "Crazy" Joe, whom she begins to date.moreless
  • Close Encounters

    Full Episode

    S 3 : Ep 17 - 2/3/92

    The MacGillises participate in a marriage workshop during a weekend getaway.
  • The Legend of Ranger Joe

    Full Episode

    S 5 : Ep 6 - 10/22/91

    Joey feels that he has truly struck gold when his childhood icon Ranger Roy is in need of a replacement on his popular kiddie show.

  • The Pen

    Full Episode

    S 3 : Ep 3 - 10/2/91

    Jerry and Elaine travel to Florida to see Jerry's parents which they soon regret when Elaine injures her back on a fold - out couch and Jerry gets caught up in a scandal by just saying that he liked someone's pen.moreless
  • Witness

    Full Episode

    S 6 : Ep 21 - 3/9/91

    Rose has a new man, Carl, in her life but suddenly out of the blue Miles returns, still undercover in the Witness Protection Program. However, things get hairy when Carl reveals himself to be the mobster that is after Miles. Meanwhile, Sophia loses her glasses.moreless
  • The Pony Remark

    Full Episode

    S 2 : Ep 2 - 1/30/91

    Jerry worries that he may have killed an old relative, after he offends her with an off-the-cuff comment about hating kids who had ponies growing up.
  • In the Custody of a Clown

    Full Episode

    S 2 : Ep 1 - 9/20/87

    The Jump Street unit discovers that a boy who was being used as a pawn by his feuding parents faked his kidnapping with the aid of his grandfather to get away from his parents. Hoffs tries to get to the bottom of her parents' separation.

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  • Pilot (1)

    Full Episode

    S 1 : Ep 1 - 4/12/87

    Hanson gets assigned to the Jump Street unit, a special division of the police force which uses young cops to go undercover and stop juvenile crime, when his youthful appearance causes him to be underestimated while on patrol. His first case involves catching drug dealers.moreless
  • Pilot (2)

    Full Episode

    S 1 : Ep 2 - 4/12/87

    Hanson gets assigned to the Jump Street unit, a special division of the police force which uses young cops to go undercover and stop juvenile crime, when his youthful appearance causes him to be underestimated while on patrol. His first case involves catching drug dealers.moreless
  • Changes (4)

    Full Episode

    S 2 : Ep 20 - 2/23/86

    Henry is now out of serious danger, but there is one major hole in his life, and he knows he must work to fill it again by springing into action. All seems lost, however, when Punky is taken in by a wealthy younger couple, who intend to adopt her.moreless
  • Changes (1)

    Full Episode

    S 2 : Ep 17 - 2/2/86

    As this special 5-part season finale begins, Henry and Punky are playing cards at the apartment when Henry receives a devastating phone call. His photography studio has burned to the ground, and without that job, he is unable to support himself and Punky. The stress soon results in Henry being hospitalized for a bleeding ulcer, which proves to be horrible timing when one of Punky's social workers shows up.moreless
  • Fast Food for Thought

    Full Episode

    S 3 : Ep 12 - 12/16/85

    Lee and Amanda pose as prospective buyers of a fast-food franchise to catch those responsible for poisoning a batch of hamburger sauce.
  • The Former Harry Stone

    Full Episode

    S 1 : Ep 3 - 1/18/84

    Lana learns that Harry has a criminal record when she tries to find out his age to settle a bet.
  • The Subway Story

    Full Episode

    S 5 : Ep 8 - 10/31/74

    When Oscar is fed up with New York City, Felix tries to show him it's a fun place, only to have them end up trapped in a stalled subway car.
  • The Jury Story

    Full Episode

    S 1 : Ep 4 - 10/15/70

    Felix and Oscar tell the Pigeon sisters how they met during jury duty in a variation of Twelve Angry Men.