Conan O'Brien

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    • Conan: In 2000 I told graduates to not be afraid to fail, and I still believe that. But today I tell you that whether you fear it or not, disappointment will come. The beauty is that, through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.

      There is no greater cliché in a commencement address than 'Follow your dream.' Well, I am here to tell you that whatever you think your dream is now, it will probably change. And that's OK.

      At the end of my final program with NBC, just before signing off, I said, 'Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.' Today, receiving this honor and speaking to the Dartmouth Class of 2011 from behind a tree trunk, I have never believed that more.

    • Conan: All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen. As proof, let's make an amazing thing happen right now.

    • Conan: You made a sad situation joyous and inspirational, so to all the people watching, I can never ever thank you enough for the kindness to me. I'll think about it for the rest of my life.

    • Conan: (about being computer-savvy) I have an abacus at home.

    • Conan: This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.

    • Conan: I'm a-gonna go to Hell when I die!

    • Conan: Thank you very much. Okay. It's really getting angry now. It was nice for about 10 minutes there, now it's just evolved into 'you're gonna get yours!'

    • Conan: Keep cool my babies.