Craig Ferguson

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    • Craig Ferguson: This is my first week as an American citizen. It's amazing. Now I can vote in the general election- and for American Idol.

    • Craig Ferguson: (On longing to become an American citizen) I'm waiting for my date for the test. My son was born here. I pay taxes here. This is my life here. I'm an American in everything but paperwork.

    • Craig Ferguson: I got sober. I stopped killing myself with alcohol. I began to think: 'Wait a minute - if I can stop doing this, what are the possibilities?' And slowly it dawned on me that it was maybe worth the risk.

    • Craig Ferguson: It's totally free. It is the complete freedom of performance...The first time [the monologue is] performed is when you see it on TV, and it'll never be seen again. It's pure TV. Bam! It's there, and then it's gone.

    • Craig Ferguson: If you're frightened of leprechauns, the best thing to do is to get yourself a little leprechaun outfit and see how big they are. And then you'll go, 'Well I see. That's like bein' frightened of a hampster.'

    • Craig Ferguson: (On his idols) I have more than one. Johnny Carson, of course. David Letterman, again I would say of course. And Regis Philbin. He's good at talking when there's nothing worth talking about.

    • Craig Ferguson: Being the executive producer of a film is not that difficult. It just means that you have some power. There's not a huge amount of skill involved — I don't know how much I'm giving away here. I feel like that guy on Fox, giving away the magicians' tricks. It's not rocket science, being an executive producer of a film.

    • Craig Ferguson: I love the United States. I have applied for citizenship. I want to take the oath of allegiance on TV.

    • Craig Ferguson: I think I'll be Scottish in every movie I write. They always try to talk me out of it, but Woody Allen is always a nebbish New Yorker. Why shouldn't I be a goofy Glaswegian?

    • Craig Ferguson: I haven't had a drink in thirteen years, but occasionally I'm tempted to have one beer. The problem is that if I have that one beer, I wake up in Tijuana four days later with a tattoo and a sore ass.

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