Dane Cook

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    • Dane: This would be the ultimate full circle slap in the face of the United States... What if this happens, because look we are the greatest country on Earth but we get a little cocky from time to time. If we don't like the way your country's doing its business, we'll kick the door in, "Hey, hey knock it off, you're bugging the world, cut it out. And if you don't listen to us we'll throw all kinds of weapons and crazy **** at cha', which we always apololigize about using twenty or thirty years later. Listen we're really sorry about that, we were a little drunk at the time and we got a little rambunchious, the bomb we didn't know it was going to do that, we thought it was a contained blast and we didn't know it would make everything blown to smitherines. And you were being kind of a bitch. Country! {snap} Country! {snap} you are being kind of a *****. Are we cool now and mind if we leave like three or four thousand troops and maybe some supplies here do ya, DO YA MIND. You wouldn't want us to get drunk again would ya! High five us, photo opt, FA-CHINK! [camera sound]. We get a little cocky....what if when the mothership comes over middle America and we are all sitting watching TV, all the news crews are just focusing on there watching, right, what if one of the hatches finally open, out of the UFOs come thousands of 100 foot Native American Indians. We're gonna be watching like '**** those are huge Indians, please tell me they aren't giant Indians, Goddamnit they're huge Indians, alright good game America, we had some fun huh.' Hi Giant Indians, we did some sh*t and ahhh..... Could you show us how to make giant corn?!

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