Ellen: Yes, I got to experience "Who am I when no one likes me? Who am I when I don't have a show? Who am I when nobody's laughing at me?" And I found out that I'm still OK. So that's a blessing.
The Advocate: But you decided to retreat?
Ellen: Yeah. My first idea was, OK, Hollywood doesn't like me, so I'll leave. The one thing that I didn't want to do was get hard. I think for a while, instead, I got depressed. Then it turned into anger. I was so angry. And I just wanted to say, "Don't you all understand me? What did I do wrong?"
The Advocate: Did you do anything wrong?
Ellen: Maybe I did a lot of things wrong, but I didn't know how to do it. I didn't have a booklet. I didn't open it to page 1 of Coming Out: Here's How to Do It. I just did what I thought I should do.
The Advocate: So you were human.
Ellen: Yeah. I went ahead and showed you exactly who I am. And that's what hurt. It was like, "Oh, God. They're seeing who I am, and they don't like who I am!"