Jimmy Carr

Jimmy: (In an edition of Big Fat Quiz Of The Year) If you've never watched Channel 4 before, then hello! I'm Jimmy Carr. Basically, I run the place with my brother Alan.

Jimmy: The harshest heckle I ever got was, well it was about half way into a show and some guy just shouted "my mum died of cancer" and I thought, woah, what do i say? So I said, "well, first of all I wasn't talking about mums, second of all I wasn't talking about cancer..", so he said, "no, but it was funnier than this"

Jimmy: Do you think people who have alzheimer's get amnesia and then forget that they forgot stuff?

Jimmy: When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.

Jimmy: I hate those e-mails where they try to sell you penis enhancers. I got ten just the other day. Eight of them from my girlfriend. It's the two from my mum that really hurt.

Jimmy: I went to the dog races the other day, it was like Ascot for chavs.

Jimmy: British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!

Jimmy: My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her...I said 'Alright fatty'

Jimmy: If we are all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

Jimmy: I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it.

Jimmy: I live near a remedial school. There is a sign that says, slow... children. That can't be good for their self esteem. But look of course on the positive side, they can't read it.

Jimmy: I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead.

Jimmy: Has anyone else seen those incredibly powerful advertisements in cinemas where each time a famous person clicked their fingers, an African child dies? I watched those, and couldn't help thinking, 'Well stop clicking your fingers!'

Jimmy: My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." Before the accident.